To want to cancel these play dates

[HR313]

I've got two play dates arranged both on a Sunday one due next week and one in feb. The friends coming in feb we went to theirs the other week and reciprocating. The ones coming next week have invited themselves over and felt obliged as they want to see our new kitchen. Trouble is this family have a child with possible SEN and destroys everything in sight. When we’ve visited theirs the child has flooded the bathroom and has no concept of danger or ‘bad’ behaviour. I’m accepting of their needs but we’ve spent a lot on our new kitchen and don’t want the kids in and out of there where it could potentially be damaged. We are open plan and no way of blocking kitchen off.

I don’t like people coming over and it feels like a massive invasion of privacy, my own parents were the same and never had play dates - I want to be a different parent but struggling massively with this. I hate the mess that’s left behind etc. how do I cancel them without saying the usual ‘I’m so sorry I’m ill’ because they will want to rearrange. I’m not doing very well mentally at the moment and it’s already stressing me out. I realise I haven’t been able to set boundaries and say no but felt compelled that I had to say yes.

You need to mentally recalibrate and stop allowing your mental health to take front seat. I do get it. I’ve been there, but 20 years ago, unless it was a serious mental illness, people got on with it. They didn’t say ‚oh I’m suffering mentally‘ and not do it. You have to challenge yourself and retrain your thinking (and yes I’ve suffered from depression). You can’t not do things when it will start impacting your child negatively. You are the product of something your parents did.
I‘m not a fan of visitors and had ones like this, but i got on with it. Do it!

So you want your child to have your childhood?

What's the problem with the other child? And cleaning up mess? That's a pretty sad excuse to not let your children have friends over. Don't you have to clean up anyway? Don't give them anything messy ( def no babybels). Lemonade and chips. Worse case is you have to vacuum and mop.

Cancel it.
No need to put up with that.

Clearly not!

However, I've worked as an LSA in primary & secondary schools so do think I've seen a lot of children with SEN as working with them was my full time job. So I don't think I'm totally clueless / sheltered about children with SEN.

Ugh quoted the wrong post and can't edit! Sorry

I disagree with this, sorry to add to your angst OP. My nephew drove a toy car into our cabinet and dented it. I'd just do a quick visit, maybe arrange a picnic at a park nearby amd say 5 min to see the kitchen or if they come over be very stern that no x we need to stay out of the kitchen and if the parents don't do anything just tell them nicely, can you please keep x out of the kitchen. Or can you just play outdoors instead (that's probably the easiest!). Or just say as PP has that you really don't like people coming over and it stresses you out if you really don't think you can cope

Look after your own mental health and say you don't want it. But in future say no when they ask because you created this, you knew you didn't want to when they asked so youve made it harder for yourself and awkward. It's a little off having a play date and not reciprocating but I get how you feel and it's your home so you don't have to do anything

Absolutely this .
What exactly are you expecting from their small child? I had a friend like you ,when my children were small, she had her perfect show home but her kids were terrified if there was any mess ! Have never forgotten seeing her then 9 year old frantically picking up potpourri which had tipped up . That image in my head now 20 years later l
Children were always welcome,preferring the parents to stay away because children are better behaved on their own . 10 minutes clearing up together before home time .