Hi,
My 8 y/o son is shy and for various reasons has struggled to make good friendships in school. He's had a hard time recently with some older kids being horrible to him in school, and I'm trying to do all I can to support him and bolster his self esteem.
I said he could invite a classmate over for tea and a play after school. He's got lots of cool toys, and tends to be much more sociable and relaxed 1:1 rather than at school where he gets very shy, so I thought this might help build up friendships.
He named one boy who he likes, says he is kind and funny. He said they sat next to one another in class and got on well and do an extra curricular club together and get on there. My son says he would choose him to invite ideally but my son says this kid is in the "cool" crowd and has other mates and my son is nervous he would say no, so isn't sure.
Here's my mistake...I told my son how great he is, and that he shouldn't put himself down. I said if he feels a connection with this boy, and they laugh together, then the other boy will feel that too. If course he likes him, why wouldn't he! I push my son gently to put himself out there and invite him. He agrees so I text the mum.
She's replied saying "Sorry X isn't keen to come over, he says they aren't really friends and is surprised Y invited him as they don't really know one another".
I'm so crushed. I actually cried when I read it. I feel the rejection so keenly for him, but I also feel like I've really messed up by bigging my son up to invite him when his natural instincts were correct. I was trying to build up his self esteem and feel like I've done the opposite. I'm going to have to say something to my son as he knows I was going to text the mum. My normal stance is to upfront and honest, but in this instance my instinct is to say his friend is busy/has a club on or something to protect my son's feelings. But if course I have no control over what is said at school.
Advice on how to approach this with my son would be appreciated. 💔