Please tell me 4 children is too many?!

[3boysandadog23]

I recently got pregnant unexpectedly with my 4th, long story short, we decided to terminate the pregnancy, mainly due to my husband thinking 4 would be too much for us and also at the time it was thought that my sister’s husband had terminal cancer and I would have to be giving her a lot of support with her 4 young children.

like im sure a lot of people do, I'm now regretting terminating the pregnancy… but 4 is a lot of children isn’t it? And I worry about its effect on my 3 already (6,5 and 2), who I already feel I can’t give all the attention they deserve. Basically, I’m after people telling me that sticking to 3 is the better idea….

Sticking to 3 is absolutely a good decision and as you say, it's already a struggle giving your 3 children enough attention. I'm sorry that you had to go through having a termination

I plan on having 4, I've recently gave birth to baby number 2.

One baby is too many for someone who doesn't want children, it's all about how many you want and think you can cope with.

You made the right decision.

If you'd been asked "do you want another child?" six months ago, what would you have said?

Are you actively trying to be as insensitive and unhelpful as possible?

I’m sorry that you are regretting your termination and the health of your SIL. 💐
It’s time for your h to consider getting a vasectomy or similar so you don’t have to go through this again.

Well, you weren’t much help !

If your husband thinks 4 is too many then he should have booked his vasectomy a long time ago.

Is it booked now?

I'm sorry for all you're going through.

I think you made the right decision for you at a horribly stressful time. And if you’re wondering how to spread yourself to give attention to 3 young children, 4 would be too many. Please be kind to yourself. It’s all too easy to live different decisions in your head but you’d be regretting having another plus feeling guilty for feeling those regrets. Please look after yourself and I hope your dh is kind and thoughtful.

Thanks for your responses. My husband has been on the waiting list for a vasectomy for 6 months… have chased it up but they still said it will be a few months. We originally wanted 4 but changed our mind after our third. I will always will tempted by 4 I think, but the reality and everyday life of coping with 4 is different to the rose tinted glasses version I guess

@MrsRachelDanvers thank you. I so needed to hear all of that

As they get older, the more children you have, the crazier it becomes with social life, clubs and hobbies. We have something every single day with two children. Combine with work, running a home etc it is very hectic and stressful! As well as the cost of it all. The cars and holidays that need to be bigger.

If you are struggling with three then four is too many.

You made the right decision for good reasons. There is a big difference from the hands on chaos of small children to the older years when they all need so much space, attention and money.
I grew up in a very big family and do feel I missed out on parental guidance and support. You have given your children two siblings each which is great but enough!

What a twattish comment. Why don't you see how you cope with 2 first? 🙄

I’m sorry for your loss.

In answer to your question, I’m one of 4 and I feel my mum never had any time for me. I would definitely stop at 3 if you are struggling now.

I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through a termination, but I think you made the right decision, and especially since you're struggling to find time for all your dc now.

Take care 💐

Sorry you had to go through that. 4 is life changing, you need a bigger car and that is just the start, you need bigger everything. You made the right decision for you family.

I have 4 and tbh it’s absolutely awful. The youngest wasn’t planned and I’m a lone parent as my ex decided to leave me and have no involvement. 4 is way way harder than 3. Though I realise my situation is massively different as I parent them alone and it’s way too many for one person I have so much regret.

Wow, rude.

Where did the OP say she didn't want children because she thinks 4 is a lot? That made no sense.

Also, you just had your second. Calm down. Talk to me when you have a one and a 3 year old because OMG - 2 is definitely enough for me!

For me (I’ve two kids), I always wondered how people coped with three, let alone four! Enjoy your little ones growing up and the moments you get with them, deal with the hard bits of parenting as best you can, and try not to beat yourself up about taking what sounds like the right decision.

It's natural to think 'what if' or what might have been. You made your decision at the time for valid reasons, and those reasons are still valid and important. It's not just about how many children, but circumstances, personalities, resources, time, energy, health etc. Those were taken into account when you were going through the decision making and still stand.

Allow yourself to feel and process your emotions about your termination, but ultimately it has passed now and you need to focus on the future with the 3 lovely children you and your DH have.

Best of luck for the future.

I don't think @babakerylady is being insensitive. She's just giving her view but I guess it's one of those threads where if you don't agree with Op and back her up fully then you aren't welcome.

I completely relate to the feeling that you can't always give your kids individual attention and I only have 2. I'm really sorry you had to go through a termination. It sounds like you put the wellbeing of your existing kids and family unit first which was really quite selfless. It's still a difficult thing to experience even knowing that it was the right thing in the circumstances. Please be kind to yourself, its ok to feel a bit conflicted afterwards 💐

ive got 2 but always planned for 3. We stopped at 2 for a variety of reasons including my health, finances, space etc. I was sad when they were young as it was what we had wanted but now they are teens I’m so glad I stopped at 2! I would have found 3 too much in the teen years!