Genuinely feel like leaving my family

[testy1997]

Baby is 6 months. 2 under 2. Toddler is fine. Baby has been horrendous from the beginning. Bad with milk. Sleep was meh. Fussy as anything. Doesn't go to anyone. Hasnt weaned well.

I genuinely feel like leaving my family tonight. She's meeting milestones so nothing untoward going on. I just cannot do this anymore. It's so fucking hard. I hate being at home. I hate feeding her. I hate listening to her whinge all day.

I just don't want to be here. Not sure why I'm posting. I just am sat in the car sobbing

So sorry to hear you are struggling. Parenting is a hard gig. Can you contact anyone?
Thinking of you and sending hugs

It's OK to feel like this. I read a really interesting article about an ethnographic study exploring parenting in a hunter gatherer tribe in the Democratic Republic of Congo. They found 6-10 adults were closely involved in the rearing of each baby and on average parents only responded to 50% of baby's cries with other adults and older siblings doing the rest. My point is... we haven't evolved for the nuclear family and it is not really possible to do it well. Young children demand more than one or two adults can provide. You just have to keep going, one irritating and exhausting day at a time.

Hi,

I haven't got any advice unfortunately, but just wanted you to know you're not alone - I've spend part of the day curled up on the floor next to my 3 month old sobbing too.

Oh you poor thing. Is it at all possible for you to return to work and put the children in a nursery? I just had one dd, but found it was easiest to be a part-time mother

I'm putting her in childcare soon. But I just fear they'll dislike her and send her back because of her fussiness

@Eliffant sending u hugs. X

OP this dark time will end I promise. You will like her one day ❤️ I remember the desperation well.

Aw OP - I have older children but I still have incredibly hard times like this. I think most of us have been there. Your baby will be fine in childcare - they will be used to so many different children/challenges/quirks and children are often different for other people!

Take a deep breath and cut yourself some slack. As long as everyone is fed and and alive at the end of the day, the other stuff can slide.

I remember feeling like this. It's hard, but it does pass and it does get easier. Take as many breaks as you can, sit in the car, have a bath, get away from it all even if just for 10 minutes, it all helps but get time to yourself as often as you possibly can and don't feel guilty about it. Also, nursery won't send her back, that's what's great about them!! and they can be a great source of support and advice too.

childcare will help. I hated Mat leave, I missed my babies when I went back to work but I couldn’t have coped being at home all day when they were young. They will cope with her, it might help her settle into a good routine and a few of them to pass her around not just one. Hang on in there, my ‘babies’ are at Uni and leaving school this year (and give me the teen years any day over babies and toddlers)

I felt exactly the same. I had PND. Treatment changed everything. Please do consider reaching out to your GP or HV – you don’t have to feel this way.

I remember them days, I remember driving down the road and parking up and just sobbing. I put my dd in nursery from 6 months for my own sanity and it also done her the world of good.

All I will say is, every stage is so fleeting. I know its bloody hard when your stuck in the thick of it & it almost feels like you will never get out of it, but trust me you do, embrace the chaos, each stage and milestone is so fleeting. And this is a tiny blip in your whole parenting journey from baby to young adult. Hang on in there! Some babies are way more fussier/challenging, it's nothing but the luck of the draw really but babies aren't babies for long & you'll get past it. If you really feel like it's too much, definitely reach out there for support though, whether that's GP, family, Councillor etc. They say it takes a village for a very good reason!!

I went back to work when DC2 was 8 months old as I absolutely hated my 2nd maternity leave. It's honestly done me the world of good, I definitely needed it for my own mental health.

Nursery won't send your baby back, I honestly though DC2 would be the same, he's very clingy and grumpy, but he's honestly excelled at nursery, it was the best thing we could have done for him. Now when he's with me on my day off he's still very grumpy but I put it down to him being bored as he does some amazing activities at nursery.

DC2 is now 16 months old and it's honestly getting easier every day. It will pass with time and the clouds will lift too when you feel like you have some balance back to your life.

Take it easy on yourself mama, you're doing an amazing job! X

This is me at the moment. 4 year old and a 9 month baby. I have ok days but I find some of them so so so hard - particularly the weekends when I have them both together. The Christmas holidays was a killer, constant rain and crying and mess and broken sleep. I sat on the sofa and cried most evenings, one night I even told DP I would have to leave because I don’t think I can look after them anymore. The days can be so long and exhausting, I don’t even have an evening as the baby has had endless colds and wakes himself up coughing every hour or two.

So just sending solidarity really 🌸

Childcare is your answer. Get back to work. I lasted four and five months. That was over twenty years ago and never a single regret.
All bonded just fine.

Get back to work. ASAP. You won’t regret it. They won’t reject her for being fussy. If anything it may sort out her fussiness.

You could have described how I felt at 6 months (and still feel with 9 month old sadly). I feel like he hates life and it's so sad. And the whinging ARGH
Currently starting nursery settling and, like you, sure they will just send him home early everyday.

Just wanted you to know you're not alone, I'm sure it'll get better for us both soon.

Do you have a link to this? It sounds very interesting!

@peachgreen my dr prescribed anti depressants and as he did said 'you'll feel worse before you feel better' and I absolutely cannot feel worse so have not started rhem

@giggfjei so sorry you're going through this too.

Thank you everyone. It's just so tough to listen to constant grizzle alll day long, serve food that's untouched, and not even be able to use the loo without a toddler tugging at me or a baby screaming in my face. Actually had to wee with baby on my lap today...

I just feel like my life is over. And I look at the last 6 months and think how the fuck have I made it through because every day has felt worse than the one before

@Naptrappedmummy yep we have had cold after cold which makes it all so much worse. So sorry you feel the same way. The rational part of me knows it will pass but honestly sometimes I just want to run away and not look back.

Please seek support from someone you can trust or you HV of GP, you're not alone in feeling like this and there is support there I promise xx

It’s awful isn’t it, as if the sleep isn’t bad enough a cold comes along and it gets even worse. Feel free to PM me if it would help x