Could you tell me about life with boys?

[Joelle3]

If you were lucky enough to be able to conceive, and your first child was a boy, could you tell me about having a second boy?

I am someone who has sort of daydreamed about having a girl one day (still HIGHLY aware of how lucky I am to be able to have a child at all) and I’m now needing to adjust the picture of what my life will look like.

If you have 2 or more boys, what has surprised you about being their parent? Do you sometimes still pine for a girl if you did before, or has your experience shifted that? Are there benefits to raising boys that you didn’t consider before?

Thanks so much - sent with loads of love for anyone struggling with fertility x

Also just wanted to add it might just be my friendship group but all the men are closer to their mums than the women are to their mums. I'm not close to my mum or my sisters, not really my dad either but I sometimes wonder if some women want a daughter in the hope of having a mother daughter relationship that they would have liked to have had. Or if they had a great relationship with their mum and hope to emulate it. I think there's no guarantees what that mother daughter relationship will be like.

Mum of two boys, aged 15 and 20. I massively pined for a girl, but after two missed miscarriages since my boys were born, we gave up trying.

I have to say, I love having boys. I've been pretty lucky with them both, really nice lads. The only thing that I'm starting to notice, is that feeling of being second best female now that DS1 has a girlfriend , however it's also really nice to see how well he treats her and I think that's because I've done a bloody good job

It's a messy house, size 11 and size 13 shoes to fall over as I come through the front door. Many a week stood at the side of a very cold rugby pitch. I just wouldn't have had it any other way ❤️

This is a lovely thread, especially with the reminders that boys are just as individual as girls and aren't the "sweet/uncomplicated/energetic/a bit like Labradors who need lots of exercise and food".

Mine have a four year age gap but are still good friends when not bickering. At this exact moment they're inventing a new fruit juice/yoghurt flavour together in the kitchen. The 12yo got nearly as much joy this Christmas from the fact that he chose and bought all the Christmas presents for family himself. They have very different tastes in TV and music and books, both love history but very different eras, both quite sporty but also love musical theatre. They are easy and difficult in different ways, one is very self-contained, finds it hard to share feelings and problems, everything is "fine" until it's very much not; the other shares his problems and grievances daily and has very high highs and low lows emotionally. They are interesting and funny and curious and loving.

This thread has given me a warm glow and revived many memories of bringing up my boys, thank you!
They are both long grown up and are husbands and fathers. I may be a bit biased, but they are fantastic at both and they never cease to amaze and impress me.

2 boys, 13months apart, 16 and 17.

I always wanted boys! They are so much fun and useless! Helps that i have a very open relationship with them, so we chat about everything anything. Very protective of me which is sweet, but also annoying! The noise and playfighting is also unbelievable in a good way and they are best friends.

Just went to CentreParcs with them and borrowed all their clothes which was very handy as i dont have much sports wear!

I’ve seen it where the boys are close as teenagers but not as adults when they have their own families, whereas daughters if they’ve had a good experience with their mothers they’re usually closer as adults as the maternal grandmothers are also typically closer to the kids

I have three boys and I can't believe how cliché some of these answers are.

Yes boys are so full of questions and cuddles, but so are all the girls around me.

Honestly op it's just like having two kids of any mix but you don't have to learn different techniques for nappy changes.

I have one boy who's went to dance and gymnastics, now does Cubs but is very artistic and loves creative stuff. Dislikes football and really isn't into cars or mud or Marvel etc.
Smalls are just turned 4. Both very physical with each other as well as loving, one is turning into a "typical" boy re cars and balls etc 🙄 and the other one is arty and loves singing and dancing.

There's no reason to think you can't do any of things you'd do with a young daughter and no guarantee I'd you'd had one, she'd want to do them either.

So many people are saying boys are louder but it really does depend on the child they are all individuals. My DD is much, much louder, and more extrovert than my DS who is and always has been a very calm and quiet person.

Yes get used to the idiots asking if you're disappointed, are you going to try for a girl, your house will be wrecked, you won't ever see them when they marry etc

I had all of this crap!

I have lots of teenage girls and although I count my blessings everyday nothing, nothing could have prepared me for the DRAMA of a life with lots of teenage girls. (I don’t know if teenage boys are easier, I suspect it’s just teenagers).

My husband is a secondary school teacher and he has always said he would never want a daughter 😂😂

He said he’d pick teenage boys over teenage girls any day of the week 😂

I have two boys - TBH, I'm not sure that having girls (at least me being me) would be very different - my boys are as different from each other as chalk and cheese, and have similarly big and small differences from my nieces and nephews.

Even the hair and clothing choices - I have one boy with long hair and one with short, one boy who wears what's on the top of the pile and one who's got a very clear style.

They're no more rough and tumble than their female cousins, no stinkier (yet, we're at tween stage - but I seem to remember that teenage girls are also perfectly capable of ponging a fair bit), there's no less drama between them and friends etc.

I suppose I can expect them to be taller and stronger than me soon, but then as I get older that'll be true to a lesser extent of girls.

I guess what I'm saying is that I think that personality has more affect than sex.

This has nothing to do with sex. Again, it's personality and group dynamics.

I hate this idea that girls' friendships are bitchy/boys are more forthright. I've been teaching a long time and am negotiating teenage years with one of each of my own. Both sexes can be equally as nasty and use the same techniques to exert power over others. Equally, both sexes can have amazing friendships.

I disagree

Mine are so different, now mid twenties.

I have a one who is car daft, practical, self sufficient, very thoughtful and quite self contained. He is very much his own man. Hard working, quite the entrepreneur. Loves quality, designer labels, expensive cars.
He is like me in so many ways, but also very much like his dad ( my ex.). I find those traits sometimes difficult.

My other son is arty, flighty, social, sings, dances, performs, loves theatre, loves people. Can be a little more selfish, but less materialistice, loves charity shops, vintage furniture and household goods. Is an excellent cook. Works hard but less ambitious, despite his masters degree.
He has a male partner, who is a fantastic guy too. Primary teacher, loves kids, family orientated, fair, calm and very loving too.

I couldn't wish for more. 😍

Lego, football, mud, rugby, Lego, Lego, Lego... Fart jokes, poo jokes, (still, in the teenage years)

And best friends. Sometimes...

With No 2, I wanted a girl for me but a boy for DS1. I think having two is brilliant for them.

My two are constantly calling each other “Butt face” or “Butt cheek” and I keep telling myself that they’ll grow out of it soon…..

I guess I shouldn’t get my hopes up too high? 😂

I have 2 boys, 21 months apart. They are 10 & 12. They love each other, and they hate each other. They bickered on a walk earlier, now best friends playing computer games. I love my boys. They are the best thing in my life.

Hello

i I have 2 boys, now 15 and 17. They are my world! I’d never wish to have a girl in place of one of them. Although I will admit that when I was pregnant with the second I did have a slight preference for a girl and kind of just assumed I would have one as everyone else I knew had at least one girl. But once I had him I knew I just wanted him. We didn’t know the sex beforehand.

The thing that surprised me the most was just how different they are. As our lovely primary school deputy head once said it’s amazing how the same recipe and the same ingredients can produce such different results! My eldest has been pretty much the perfect child and never given us a moment’s bother. The youngest is autistic and has had many different challenges. But they are both great x

Friendships between boys can be just as problematic as they are for girls. It's nonsense to say that boys have easier friendships.
Peer pressure, being left out, nasty 'banter'...

This is such a lovely post to read. I'm expecting a little boy (already have a little girl who is 4). Firstly, I have been bombarded with gender stereotypes since announcing we were having a boy including 'boys are like dogs' and references to boys having certain toys or that little girls will sit and play quietly while boys have to run around. It's made me reflect that my daughter doesn't fit the girly stereotype, she has such a broad range of interests, never cared for Elsa or princesses, not obsessed with pink, she played with cars and toys dolls as a toddler, yes she can sit quietly at times but she also needs to be active and run around outside. I've noticed how people treat little girls, dressing them up, telling them they look pretty and the kind of toys they give them, it feels to me that adults are perpetuating stereotypes. We are very conscious to tackle this stereotyping if we hear her repeat 'that's for boys' or vice versa we tell her that's not the case. Kids should just be free to be whoever they are and we doling them a disservice by putting them into these horrible gender stereotyped boxes.

I have 4 boys. Very happy and lucky to have them. And none of them pee on the floor or the toilet seat!! Dear god, you teach them how to manage that when you toilet train them....?!!!

I have two boys now 21 and 18. When DS2 was born I would have liked a girl, but what time has taught me is that for us, having two of the same gender (and relatively close in age) has been absolutely the best outcome.

Two boys here, 8 and 5.

When we’re out of the house on our bikes, scooters or at a park, softplay etc, they play well most of the time and are good mates. Because of this I do agree with the “boys are like dogs” mantra, as mine are so much better when outside and/or exercising, having the chance to run around like lunatics, throw themselves into foam pits or bounce off squidgy soft play.

When we’re at home, or on the way to or from school, they fight. A lot. It’s so loud. Screechy, nasty arguing. Lots of shouting at each other to shut up.

The 8 year old loves to read and build Lego, and the 5 year old loves to colour, so occasionally the house is quiet. And occasionally they play nicely together. But a lot of the time it’s unbearably loud and the
aforementioned shouting and fighting. They can be really unkind.

I envy friends who have girls!

But don't you train them not to? We're a sweary house, but both dc know that 'shut up' is banned. As is any kind of screeching or shouting, because if I don't put up with that shit in work, I sure as hell won't have it at home. Dd tried a screaming phase, when she was in about yr 2. It didn't last. By that point, all that was needed was a raised eyebrow and:"No. "