Could you tell me about life with boys?

[Joelle3]

If you were lucky enough to be able to conceive, and your first child was a boy, could you tell me about having a second boy?

I am someone who has sort of daydreamed about having a girl one day (still HIGHLY aware of how lucky I am to be able to have a child at all) and I’m now needing to adjust the picture of what my life will look like.

If you have 2 or more boys, what has surprised you about being their parent? Do you sometimes still pine for a girl if you did before, or has your experience shifted that? Are there benefits to raising boys that you didn’t consider before?

Thanks so much - sent with loads of love for anyone struggling with fertility x

My two boys are 27 and 16.

They are huge bundles of laughs, farts, performative belching, knuckle-cracking, and unshakeable, protective love and loyalty.

Plus they're really good for carrying/lifting Heavy Things.

Ds2 (who I was convinced, until the scan, was a girl) will still happily do crafty things with me too.

Yes Asifiwouldn’t - exactly. Strangely even though one of mine has the exact qualities that would make him a ‘typical good girl’ and another does dance as his passion while non have any interest in footy or cricket I was often told what ‘typical’ boys they were or would have people who know them well doing the whole - wow mum of boys - how do you manage thing. Society is a bit happier with my middle boy who is an excellent rugby player.

I grew up in a household with a boy and girl (me and brother) and now having two boys I understand why having same sex children is amazing for the kids!!. Parents always want to have children from both genders but for the kids bond so much better with their same sex siblings. I have a very good relationship with my brother but it's never as close as between my boys.

I'm not sure but I can tell you that having one of each is not all it's cracked up to be. They've had very different tastes in toys and TV and it's often hard to plan a day out that they both like. People with all boys or all girls seem to have an easier life keeping them all entertained.

Obviously I love my children but just thought I'd offer that insight as I often wonder what it might have been like if I'd had two of the same.

I always wanted a girl and I am close to my sister and mum and wanted a friend when children were older.

I now have two boys and honestly they're amazing. I never think of any regret around not having a girl. They're both very affectionate, complete mammas boys and adorable. At the panto this week my eldest said the leading lady was beautiful like me 🥰 so sweet (and inaccurate).

I do realise they may not be close to me so much as adults but I'm fine with that. I realise now that I was so close to my mum as she was a single parent so I was substitute partner because she had no DP. Hoping me and DH will still be going strong by then

It really makes no difference. You could take out the word "boy" and substitute with "girl" on the majority of these threads and tell the same story.

I have a boy (and a girl) and they are inseparable. They're the best of friends (eldest is at college now, it's endured throughout their childhoods).

He is not uncomplicated, quite the opposite. You have to be careful with this stereotype imho. I've worked with vulnerable people and adolescents for years. There's a reason the highest suicide rates are in young men and I'm not reductively saying it's because Mums call their boys uncomplicated on MN. However, we need to be careful not to make boys feel like they need to fulfil the stereotype of "easy". Don't struggle, don't have friendship troubles, communicate through sport, fit the mould etc. I've counseled too many boys not to realise that children are complicated and need space and time to express their feelings. I can't tell you how much I loathe the "boys are like dogs" crap which still endures.

My boy couldn't be less interested in football. He also doesn't wee on the toilet and he isn't particularly loud and definitely isn't boisterous. He likes books, fashion, anime, history, and a thousand things besides.

Children are personality first. I wouldn't stand for people putting me into a box labeled "woman", my DH isn't a "man" if the parameters are decided by other people, he's a whole multifaceted person. I refuse to dump my children in labeled boxes.

I suppose what I mean is, you're having a child. Your child. A unique child. He will delight and amaze and frustrate in his own ways and you'll love him because he's yours. Nobody but nobody can or should tell you who he will be.

You'll be just fine. Better than that. It'll be brilliant.

This. There's a weird pressure for women to have daughters as if our main goal is to create a 'mini-me'. I could scream every time I hear the "A daughter is a daughter all her life; a son is a son 'till he takes a wife" bollocks - its only ever said by women who have girls. Its apparently not acceptable for a mother to have a close relationship with an adult son because they'll turn out to be some psycho serial killer but daughters can never be too close and being 'best friends' is a good thing it seems.

Ultimately, it shouldn't make any difference what kind of bottom your child has - the bond with them should be based on personality and how well they were nurtured growing up.

Boy first then girl. They don't interact at all.

Boy has never been boisterous or into cuddles or adoring his mum, or any of the other stereotypes trotted out on here. He's not into anything that makes his path through life easy. Is excruciatingly shy. Wouldn't know what to do with a football if it hit him in the face. Definitely doesn't eat me out of house and home; worryingly.
He's into films, games, history and has a very dry sense of humour. He also has a tendency to try and act superior- but that's fairly typical of an insecure teen.
He reminds me of some elements of me as a teen. He is in many ways, much more complicated than my girl- who appears to have found a book of stereotypes and deliberately decided to tick every box in defiance.

This is absolutely spot on.

I have two sons, both teenagers now.
Completely different personalities.
One loves music, animals, cooking.
Other very sporty, fashion conscious.

Boys are not 'easier'.
Both have had issues and needed support with friendships, confidence etc. They face the same challenges as anyone else in life.

Oh and neither stink, or fart in front of everyone. I really hate that stereotype!

You just have to see how their personalities and interests develop!

2 boys here and wouldn't change it for the world, despite slight pang for a girl at the time. They are close, but very different. Its noisy, busy and good fun. Find them straight forward to read as well.

God the no washing stage. 2 teen boys here and glad that stage is over !

God the no washing stage. 2 teen boys here and glad that stage is over !

See we never had that stage - instead we had the are-you-ever-getting-out-of-the-shower stage, closely followed by the will-no-one-think-of-the-water-and-electricity-bills stage which I guess just shows that families are all different and it possibly doesn't matter much whether you have boys or girls! The main influences are often going to be upbringing.

This is a great post.

I also hate all the stereotyping.

Boys and girls are so varied. A lot of the rubbish stereotypical traits people talk about, such as boys being rough or girls mean, are the result of parenting choices not personality.

Other than the piss on the toilet seat, all the above descriptions sound identical to my two girls.

I have two boys and they are a joy. However I know I'd say the same if I had two girls or one of each!

I didn't find out the sex with either of them but a few days before my second son was born, I said to my husband that I'd like another little boy and that's what we got. They're great fun, loud, silly, energetic, kind, happy, full of character... basically everything I was hoping for, regardless of their sex.

I think the only thing I’d want a girl over my two fab boys for is to be able to see her wear my glorious range of party dresses (neither DS shows any signs of wanting to wear a dress). I’d be happy if I had a niece who could instead but she’s tiny (and perfect) and I’m 5’10” so my floor length gowns aren’t going to work there either!

Seriously though, you get the child you get and if you follow their character rather than assuming their sex dictates their interests you’ll be fine!

DH has been heard to mutter about wanting a ‘typical’ can sit and colour in quietly girl. I asked if he wanted a ‘typical’ teenage daughter too (he teaches secondary) and he rapidly agrees he’d rather have sons.

Wow reading these with tears in my eyes. How lucky you all are, and me too. Thanks so much, just what I needed to read. happy new year x

I have 2 boys, now 16 and 19, I've loved it. I don't think I had nearly as much trouble with them as teenagers as some of my friends with teenage girls did. Although of course nobody is the same.

I have a boy and then a girl. The girl gets all the hand me downs and the boy doesn't like sports. They are both very active (though one has confirmed and one suspected ADHD) and both funny and loving.
It's like having children, is what it's like

I have a boy and a girl and both in teen years, they aren't much different to be honest. Both detest sport and incredibly laid back - weird sense of humours and a bit geeky.

This really made me smile…the belting out Away in a manger at top volume is the sort of thing which still happens here and my dc (son and daughter,) are now 19 and 16! The calling each other ‘foes’ is hilarious and adorable and again something that my two would still do now!

Op, I get the wanting a daughter. I think many women do. I have a son and a daughter and can say hand on heart that I’m equally close to both. Dd and I do tend to do the girly shopping trips (and costs me a bloody fortune!) but my son and I often go out to eat together. I wouldn’t change either if them for the world.

I have 5 boys. I love it. They mostly get on really well. I have to be a bit inventive for clothes and shop in eBay for expensive brand bargains because I don't want my 9 year old to have a cupboard full of black and grey and not do I want to pay £15 for a t shirt. But then with girls there are other problems with clothes too, with lots of the cheaper clothes shops assuming that girls want to dress like teenagers going clubbing from about age 9 or 10.

I find boys want to be children for longer than girls. When my 17 year old brings his friends round, soon they will have the Lego out and my 15 year old still likes a good trip to softplay. Meanwhile my much younger nieces are into clothes and make up etc.

The only bad thing about having lots of boys is that so many people do the head tilt thing and tell me to keep trying as I'll get a girl soon. Despite what lots of people think, we were never "trying for a girl". We wanted 4 children, and then ds5 was a happy surprise while dh was waiting to get the snip!

I have two boys and they are amazing and both so different. I have a 3 year gap. When I was pregnant my oldest understood that I was pregnant and that he was going to have a brother or a sister. He was determined that it was a boy and we'd call him Boy! I didn't have a preference but guess thought one of each would be nice but after he kept saying he wanted a brother I was kind of relieved it was a boy! They love each other so much and the bond was more or less immediate. My eldest is very adventurous and independant and not particularly affectionate in the typical cuddley way. My youngest is very cuddly and more sensitive and cautious. They do have typical sibling fights but they also play really nicely together. We've always only wanted 2 children and I don't feel like Ive missed out not having a girl. If we were to have a 3rd which we definitely aren't going to I would want another boy.

Two boys. They’re amazing. I love the loyalty of their friendship groups which I don’t think you get with girls.

You get what you’re given and then you realise why ❤️