Family members thinking it’s odd I still contact nap

[brownbutterfrangipanetart]

I have a 5m baby and at night she goes in side cot for her sleep, but during day I struggle to do naps that aren’t contact naps (unless on a walk in sling)

every time family sees me doing this (mainly my mother and mil), they say why can’t you put baby down etc, and you should be putting baby down so you don’t need to be stuck sitting down.

then they encourage me to try putting her down once I’ve got her to sleep, at which point she always wakes up and starts crying!

is contact napping not typical at 5 months? Should I be encouraging baby to do more independent naps?

any advice appreciated!

It's fine as long as it's working for you :)

They probably did things differently, which worked for them. Just say things like "I don't mind sitting down" or "He won't do it forever".

I do think the general thought in parenting 30 years ago was that children are born feral beasts and you have to actively DO things to bring them into functioning adults. So they thought that if you didn't get the baby sleeping independently they would never do it on their own and have visions of a teenager draped on your lap or something. (Perhaps not literally a teenager - but they do seem to find it quite alarming if a 2 year old for example still has support to sleep). Parents of that generation are also very keen on the idea that waiting longer to make any kind of change makes it harder.

Whereas I think our generation operates on a bit more of a sense that children will do things when they are ready and you can guide them but you don't need to push them into things all the time because they'll get there. And far from being harder, it's actually easier when their development and understanding has come on a bit.

I do see the point that letting (any) habit get ingrained can mean that you have more work in breaking it than you would have had just not doing it in the first place, but I think this applies much more to things like letting them watch loads of TV and then trying to cut it back later, or letting them eat walking around and then later bringing in a rule of sitting at the table. And I don't agree with the idea that a habit that's been in place for longer is harder to change - it's just as hard to change if it's been that way for 6 months v 2 years.

I have never had a contact nap and I've raised two children. I can't understand why anybody would start this fad. The reason your mother and MIL say this is that they would never ever have done this - 20 plus year ago nobody was having to sit on a sofa with a child draped over them sleeping. I am afraid your child now cries when you put them down because you have trained them to contact nap. It is just another fad like cutting tongue ties which was very rarely done and only in extreme cases 20 years ago.

It's no one's business! We're the opposite, she will go down for day naps, but we co-sleep at night. I also have a 5 month old and I don't give a damn about anyone else's opinion on it.

I don't understand how contact naps are still a thing. My first would not contact nap after 3 months and my second who is 4 months won't anymore either. It can lead to different problems 🤣

I think contact naps are a relatively new thing so I can understand your mum and MIL being surprised. I never heard the term when my DC were babies (and they're teens now, so it wasn't that long ago). Personally I cherished nap time to chill out / get jobs done, but as others have said it's up to you.

I didn’t even realise this had a name! I thought it was just how you nap with baby’s and toddlers (unless we were out about and the napped
in the sling on buggy).

What an odd thing for someone to pick you up on. I’d ignore them.

I contacted napped with DD until about 8 months and now BF lying in bed with her and then roll away lol. If it's working for you then that's all that matters, if it becomes a problem later on then you can do something about it then.

My mum thinks shes got it figured out. She told me I slept through from 6 weeks - on further elaboration, she'd put me in my cot at 7pm and leave me all night (ignoring the crying) and then come into me again at 7am.

I understand the frustration of people telling you what to do when it just doesn't sit right with you.

I'm still contact napping at nearly 1 so no advice here 😂.

My daughter contact napped long after she was one, with me until 13 months and then with my mum and her dad on the days I worked.

I think it's a fantastic way of forcing you to take a break and even after she stopped contact napping I NEVER did chores when she was asleep, just relaxed.

It normal, your mother comes from a dis functional generation that thinks tiny babies and toddlers are meant to be completely independent long before they're ready. I would find a way of asking them to stop making these comments, they're undermining your confidence. You're doing very well.

Mil used to say she felt sorry for me being stuck with the baby when he had a contact nap. I never understood why, laying on the sofa watching TV and cuddling my baby for an hour was bliss.

Yes!

I liked having no baby on me at nap time … only break for me! Older women do this. My MIL was horrified with my sling - she thought the baby was “squashed and uncomfortable “ and that “babies needs to stretch their arms and legs or they won’t grow”

You need to perfect smiling and nodding at all unsolicited parenting advice. My babies are now bigger - and they grew just as well as any other 🤣

Completely up to you.

It isn't something I encouraged, I wanted that free time to get things done or simply relax without worrying I'd accidently wake him.

I contact napped for the majority of naps until DD stopped around 2- bloody loved it, I nodded off too. I rather miss it.

Wow, lots of sweeping generalisations there. You are so right, we have it all figured out in the last 20 years compared to those dysfunctional morons in previous generations. That must be why the mental health - not to say the behaviour- of children and young people in the last few years is so fantastic 🙄. The arrogance of some younger parents never ceases to amaze me. I AM of this generation (11 and 15 year old here) and we are just as likely to fuck things up as anyone other set of people.

I had two contact nappers until they were 6 months when we sleep trained. I would have loved to have got them to sleep in the cot as I could really have done with the break but despite much, much trying they would always wake and cry and get overtired and then scream the house down. So I gave in. I had the same ‘advice’ but honestly unless you’ve had a baby like that you have no idea. Crack on and do what you need to to get through.

FYI they are now 3 and 19 months and they sleep beautifully!

Reading the comments it could be partially a generational thing. Almost everyone in my NCT group say they’re still contact napping apart from pram/sling walks. The comments are well meaning - I guess it’s part of parenting where getting unsolicited advice is par for the course!

@Cheepcheepcheep yes that thought also occurred to me where what ‘works’ for one baby may not for another. I also know some where their baby independently sleeps in day but co sleeps at night like one of the pp. The overtired issue is what I have been experiencing too everytime I fail to put her down successfully

But what will you do when you have another baby?

I would go mad if I couldn't put my baby down. How do you get things done?

One of my three children did sleep through from 6 weeks but I had a monitor in case she woke up.

They were all breastfed for two years or more.

But they had their own rooms and cots.

@TheShellBeach I will often wear sling and get things done that way. As for another child, I don’t know if I will be having a second but will cross that bridge if and when I do.

My contact napper was two and had stopped napping completely before I had another baby. He was a nightmare sleeper from the get go and didnt sleep through the night until he was five.

My second one used to fall asleep where ever she was, whenever she fancied and genuinely slept through from 3 weeks (which I'm not sure is actually a good thing)

You just have to work with what you have and do what you need to do. They all grow out of it eventually. Some people don't seem to realise how different babies can be and think their experience is standard.

I have five and contact napped with all of them. I just put them in a wrap if there are things I need to do with my older children. I have a four month old right now and she spent all last week napping on my chest while I toilet trained my 2yo. 😂

I do think it’s partially generational. My mother was a very responsive parent (I can recall her rocking me to sleep every night and holding me for naps so I must have been at least older toddler age) but my MIL and other people that age do seem a bit taken aback. None of their business though! They had their time to raise children how they saw fit, now it’s our turn.

Find your tribe OP. Do you go to any baby late or local bf support groups? In my local group we did a poll recently and almost all of us contact nap (ages range from newborn to 3!) or wish we could because boobing to sleep then a contact nap is just the best. Breastfeeding multiple age babies and toddlers here and I still contact nap a lot.

If it works for you, ignore everyone else. I am probably the same age as those woman and I wouldn't dream of commenting. If asked my opinion, I wouldn't personally have liked it as needed my space sometimes. But main reason would be that I personally believe that it is important to have your identity and be able to go out or have some leisure time if possible. Nobody else can help you if your routine is so focused on only you . Sounds like MIL and Mum want to be able to help but can't.

None of the above matters if you are perfectly content to keep things as they are. Enjoy your baby in whatever pleases you.