Talk me through how you'd manage this behaviour incident (3yo)

[oasiswon]

Interested to know (without judgements please) how other parents would deal with the following scenario, step by step.

3.5yo, no specific needs.

In a shop which sells books, and a few toys. Choosing a present for his relative. Sees toys and asks for one. "Can I have that?". Parent's response along the lines of "not today but perhaps you could add that to your list for Santa!" Child repeats asking for numerous toys, parents repeats similar responses, tries to distract them, and then child loses their shit. Screaming, crying till purple. Shouting and screaming "I want a toy" and thrashing about. Absolutely inconsolable and incredibly distressed.

What would you have done differently and what would you do next?

I’m not convinced children learn meaningful lessons from those sorts of experiences. It’s like saying my five month old won’t learn how to sit up on her own if I put her in a bouncy chair. Children learn things when they’re developmentally ready to do so. Like with sitting there is an age range but even very well behaved children get exhausted and over stimulated at this time of year. It probably isn’t the time to teach salutary lessons.

Not sure what the "right" answer is, if there is one but honestly i would of (and have in the past) done the same as you.

It's totally normal 3.5yo behaviour, you removed him from the situation and took him back for a small reward once he calmed down, I really wouldn't beat yourself up about it.
I try explaining before we go into a shop that there's no treats today because of x, y and z. Sometimes i works, sometimes we land in the situation you did.

This is probably not great parenting but if I can't be arsed with a battle in the shop I just give them my phone to take a picture of the toy and say I'll text it to Santa. It generally serves as a good distraction and the sheer number of toy photos I have on my phone tells me they never actually remember what it is afterwards.

If they didn't accept no the first time, I probably would have said 'we won't be buying a toy today, if you're good and help me to look for x then we can play a game/watch tv when we get home or buy your favourite snack from the shop' so basically bribe them with something else or mine loved those little cars in shopping centres which I'd often use to bribe them with.

But don't worry too much, most toddlers lose their shit occasionally. If mine lost their shit like this, I'd take them straight home carrying them under your arm if necessary or if you can't leave immediately, take them outside the shop and wait until they calm down. Then talk.

My first was a flipping nightmare for wanting toys in the shop so to be honest I avoided taking him unless necessary!

Do try the picture for Santa thing, really worked with my second although I think he was a bit more chilled about toys anyway. I think being able to see a picture that they think is going to Santa makes it more real for them.

I'd have just given a breezy "no, c'mon" the first time and not entertained any further discussion on it. Giving them reasons invites arguments!