11m old Toddler wont sleep please help

[Mum2be0523]

Hi my little boy is almost 11m old and is continually waking through the night and waking early its making me ill im exhausted. Now he is a reflux baby so does experience a lot of pain and fussy with foods so not sure if this helps and lets not forget teething which seems constant!

he wakes at 6am without fail which is killing me and needs resettling at least 3 x per night which takes a few minutes. There are other occasions where he screams for 2 hours and wont go down at all (this causes a later wake up obviously then messes the day up more and then seems to substitue morning nap for night before) Unfortunately hes a rock to sleep baby but I have tried it all the patting putting down drowsy etc but he has a screaming fit and is near enough sick with the state he then gets into so it’s impossible to get him to self settle especially now at 11 months, he wont take a dummy either. he also throws my hand off him when I try patting him.

here is the current schedule (loosley)

6am wake
9am 1st nap- 9-10.20 (usually anything from 1 hour to 1.5 hours)
2.30/3- 2nd nap usually 1 hour
Sleep- 7.15/30

I will usually dream feed about 10.30 in an attempt to reduce the waking but seems to have no effect.

please can I have some advice I dont know if the naps are too long too short I have tried limiting them to an hour each. Iv tried 1.5 morning then 30/45 afternoon , iv tried 1 hour am then 45 afternoon nothing is working and then sometimes the last wake window is only 3.20 ish long and I read it needs to be 4. Then its as if im putting him to bed earlier which is actually meant to be better when it makes him worse and then by shortening naps etc is resulting in to long a wake window so I cant win. It looks like hes only averaging 10.30 hours at night if that due to half the time hes waking. Im loosing the will to live please can someone help.

many thanks

Napping waaaaaay too much!

Is it possible he is waking up/screaming because he is feeling uncomfortable from food? Your sleep schedule looks ok to me so I doubt it's that.

Sleep training culture sells a 12 hour night but research shows most babies do best with 10-11hours and can't often manage more unless they're barely napping. Waking at 6 is normal, it's crap and I hate it too (12m old wakes at that time every day), but many many babies wake between 6 and 6.30 and its very hard to change unless you put them to bed post 8pm. I follow a few sleep accounts which make clear (against the grain) that early bedtimes do not fix early wakes, they have the opposite effect if your baby is one of the majority that can't do more than 11hr.

At 12m, we do 4hr final wake window unless he really does seem shattered before. anything less and he's up a few times. This means bedtime around 8pm for us, unless his naps have been short. Maybe try that?

No, he's not.

I would keep the first nap around 30/45 mins and then have an earlier, but longer second nap, maybe 12:30-2:30 and then bed at 6:30/7pm.

Tbh though if he's only waking for a few minutes then it's probably not a nap issue but him not being able to self settle when he wakes in the night.

6am is a normal wake-up time for a small child unfortunately! Go to bed earlier!

I would second this. No longer than 45 tops in the morning, then no longer than an hour at lunchtime. Up to bath at 6ish bottle and bed at 630/6:45

Sorry I meant around an hour for second nap.

I have no advice and also had a terrible first sleeper, reflux cmpa, food aversion. He woke for an hour or 2 until 2 years old. He's 5 next month, still doesn't sleep through, and only moved to 6am wakes after starting school. Before that it was 4.30-5.30. Most kids like to wake early I think, unhelpful as that is! Good luck!!

@NuffSaidSam
just from my experience :) I know when my little one cut down on naps is when we finally cracked a full night’s sleep, just before he was one (def not every night though!) - agree 6am is very a normal get up time though!

At 11 months I would do this:
6am wake and milk feed
8am breakfast - porridge and banana
9.30-10am nap (wake him up)
11.30am nice big lunch with protein and a full fat Greek yogurt for dessert
12.30pm small milk feed
12.45 - 2.30pm nap
3pm milk
5.30pm supper
6pm bath
6.30pm milk
7pm bed

no feeding or rocking to sleep….

Unfortunately the problem is your expectations of his sleep. He's not a toddler as you say.. he's 11 months old, he's a baby. Despite it being difficult, his sleep is biologically normal for his age. The problem is your expectation that you can put him down to sleep early in the evening, that he'll sleep through, and then that he'll wake up later in the morning. If he's screaming for two hours or refusing to go to sleep at the time you're trying to put him down he's not tired. You're wanting him to sleep more than his body needs and so he is resisting. Try a later bedtime, accept the early mornings, and accept that him waking up a couple of times a night is normal for now.

I did think this. But he literally goes back to sleep instantly so ruled discomfort out however if hes having a 2 hour screaming fit I do agree this is pain luckily this doesnt happen often

What would your suggestion be please?

Thank you what time of your naps and length please

Mines 9 months so a bit younger and were still not great but I'll draw up my loose schedule so you can just have something to compare.

Mine still wakes during the night, some nights more than others. Mine does take a dummy, my eldest didn't and that was much harder. I don't care if I have to wean her off the dummy, those early baby days are hard frigging work and I would opt for a dummy every time over not. I know some babies just don't take dummies. Have you tried different brands and sizes? My 9 month old is still taking the 6 month dummies as she didn't like the bigger ones it made her gag.
Have they always been a bad sleeper? Have you changed something that might have had a snowball affect? Moving into their own room, changing beds? Do you reckon they could be too hot or too cold? Are there any noises during the night you don't realise ( my pipes aren't half loud during the night when the heating comes on)

And unfortunately might not be what you want to hear, but you might just have a bad sleeper. Some kids just are my eldest was horrendous and only settled down properly at about a year and a half. She dropped all her naps herself fought me every turn with napping and then suddenly she slept so much better at night. But I wouldn't recommend lessening naps for your 11month old. To me your schedule sounds absolutely fine and your naps (to me) sound fine. Also, again some kids are early risers. Things change all the time and nothing stays the same. My eldest for a period of time was awake 4:30-5am that killed me. You have to go to bed earlier if you're struggling. I was in bed at 9pm latest with those 4:30 wakes. I'm waiting for that phase from this one. I'm not a morning person at all.

My schedule -
7am wake up
8am breakfast
9am bottle
9-9:30 - nap (on me) I put her in the cot I don't get the same results (1.5/2 hour nap)
12 lunch
2pm bottle
2:30-3pm nap (ideally 1 hour however sometimes 30 mins depends how she feels on that day?!)
4:30-5pm tea
7-7:30pm bottle and bed. Depending what time she got up from previous nap I try to aim for 3 hour wake window any earlier she won't go to sleep straight away
11pm dream feed
She still wakes at 4am for a bottle. She still has most of it so I think she still needs it.

As I said some nights there's several wakings, sometimes theres 1or 2 which are quick fixes

Babies are hard work. Things will change it will not stay like this. Keep trying different things that's what kept me sane. Trial and error and you may find something that clicks.

First morning nap is too long. Try cutting that out.

We found that the waking in the night only stopped when we stopped the afternoon nap. Could you also try a little nightlight so that if he wakes up he is comforted? The constant waking might be due to teething. It will get easier for you in time!

As PP said, his sleep is completely normal for his age. He is still young and requires support through the night to sleep with ~10hrs being enough for some children over night. So if they go to bed early they will be up early! Agree with other poster if it is taking a while to get to bed it is too early and he is not tired. It should take less than 20 mins to put a baby to bed if they are ready for it. To help with sleep deprivation yourself, go to bed earlier 😊 your the mother of a young child so unfortunately the choice is often sleep or alone time, you just need to decide which one you want more!

I think his sleep seems normal for his age. 6am wake up is a reasonable time to be honest. My baby is 16 months and still wakes about 4-5 times per night (sometimes more) and it's hard so sending solidarity but I felt less stressed and upset when I stopped trying to 'fix' her sleep.

Hey OP.

Unfortunately some babies/toddlers just aren't sleepers. Mine was and still is the same at 3yo.
I remember being on my knees with exhaustion and ds nursery teacher suggesting moving his bedtime back to 9pm, I was horrified at the time! It works for us though, at 7 or 8pm he just isn't tired enough.

Could you try moving bedtime back 30 mins to an hour? Feels so counter productive when they're so tired but he maybe just needs 10hr sleep overnight plus his naps. If he is still waking multiple times would you consider co-sleeping? I started with ds at that age as he was up 4x a night, but in with me he'd wake up knowing I was there and just go back to sleep.

Hope you find something that works, sleep deprivation is hell!

How is the reflux managed? My daughter has horrendous sleep and it's due to reflux as when it goe back to being managed she sleeps.

Things that make her reflux worse include growth spurts, allergies, colds and teething. She's 3 and still struggles with reflux despite lots of medication. She had the most horrendous reflux relapse at 13 months. She went to waking every 30 minutes and only sleeping if she lay on my face!

Echo others, most don't sleep 12 hours overnight. 10-11 hours is normal so you have to make the call between an early bed and getting an evening or a later bed and having a lie in. In reality as they get older early rises are pretty standard so it might be worth getting yourself adjusted to that. We go to bed at 9.30 in anticipation of being up around 6 or sometimes 6.30 if we're lucky.

I also agree the bigger issue sounds like lack of ability to self settle, hence you having to get up when he stirs. I'd persevere with trying to wean off the rocking however you feel best. There is tons of advice online about instigating different settling methods.

I'd also change his nap schedule a bit and aim for max 45 mins on the first nap and 1.5-2 hours on the second nap.

Just to add at his age he shouldn't need feeding overnight, I wouldn't bother with the dream feed as it's another thing to have to get rid of longer term.

He's 11 months. At this age I think it's normal to wake and it's nothing you are doing wrong or nothing that needs adjusting. Just go in and comfort him. It's hard I know, it's exhausting, being a parent is hands down the hardest experience of my life. It's the lack of sleep that has made me sink to rock bottom some days.
Not much advice but I just think it's about managing your expectations. When mine turned about 13 months he started sleeping better. Hes 2 now and does sleep through but sleeps in our bed and sometimes won't go to bed ealry and sometimes wakes at 5!
Still quite unpredictable. X

I still wonder why parents are led to believe that waking frequently is abnormal. My 5 year old wakes up more than this.

It ought to be included in prenatal classes as it seems to bemuse parents and the unexpected nature of it leafs them to feeling they can't cope.