11m old Toddler wont sleep please help

[Mum2be0523]

Hi my little boy is almost 11m old and is continually waking through the night and waking early its making me ill im exhausted. Now he is a reflux baby so does experience a lot of pain and fussy with foods so not sure if this helps and lets not forget teething which seems constant!

he wakes at 6am without fail which is killing me and needs resettling at least 3 x per night which takes a few minutes. There are other occasions where he screams for 2 hours and wont go down at all (this causes a later wake up obviously then messes the day up more and then seems to substitue morning nap for night before) Unfortunately hes a rock to sleep baby but I have tried it all the patting putting down drowsy etc but he has a screaming fit and is near enough sick with the state he then gets into so it’s impossible to get him to self settle especially now at 11 months, he wont take a dummy either. he also throws my hand off him when I try patting him.

here is the current schedule (loosley)

6am wake
9am 1st nap- 9-10.20 (usually anything from 1 hour to 1.5 hours)
2.30/3- 2nd nap usually 1 hour
Sleep- 7.15/30

I will usually dream feed about 10.30 in an attempt to reduce the waking but seems to have no effect.

please can I have some advice I dont know if the naps are too long too short I have tried limiting them to an hour each. Iv tried 1.5 morning then 30/45 afternoon , iv tried 1 hour am then 45 afternoon nothing is working and then sometimes the last wake window is only 3.20 ish long and I read it needs to be 4. Then its as if im putting him to bed earlier which is actually meant to be better when it makes him worse and then by shortening naps etc is resulting in to long a wake window so I cant win. It looks like hes only averaging 10.30 hours at night if that due to half the time hes waking. Im loosing the will to live please can someone help.

many thanks

I had this with my 3rd baby. I felt like I was going crazy due to sleep deprivation. I was even more worried as I was returning to work and worried how I would function. She was so clingy and needy. I referred myself to our mental health service one night when I was in tears. I felt instantly better that I had asked for help. She then slept at night from that day onwards with just one feed in the night. I think she was picking up on my anxiety and was clinging on to me.

Try to be kind to yourself and let go of the anxiety. It really helps. Ask for professional help.if needed. I still didn't know what I was doing with my 3rd child. The nights are long but I promise it doesn't last forever. My daughter is now 5 and she is indeed still my little shadow. I remember those sleepless night and any Mum who has been there is with you in solidarity. Hang in there.

Definitely buy Lucy Wolfe baby sleep solution. Totally changed my life, my daughter slept through within 3 days of following her process of gentle stay and support training at around the same age.

I would kill to have a 6am wakeup! It’s usually around 4.30am here with my 2 yr old and a 7pm bedtime. He only naps 2 hours in the morning so I think maybe he just doesn’t need as much sleep as some. Your LO seems to be doing ok, you might just need to adjust your expectations.

Make sure your baby is getting sufficient MILK during the day.

Focus on activity more.
Get up in the morning at a time that suits you.
Babies have extremely acute Body Clocks and habitually getting them up at 6 will alert his body clock EVERY DAY.
GET UP at a time that suits and both get ready for a morning ACTIVITY.
Then after lunch - NAP ( 1-2 hours) no more naps after that.
Try not to put baby to bed TOO EARLY but make sure there is Milk drink before bed.
**
Make sure there is no light peeping through his bedroom curtains. ( If no blinds available, hang anything black coloured to darken room)
If baby wakes ,on no account give milk, only water offered. Keep light dim and talking to minimum. Basically just check he's safe.

Try a 2 hour nap between 11-1. Offer a snack at 10/10.30am then lunch at 1/1.30. Bedtime routine start earlier. My first was always in bed by 7/7.30. My 2 year old had to go to bed at 6/6.30 for a solid 11-12 hour sleep took a while but he’s been doing it since he was about 10 months. Stick to routine. Some babies don’t need more than 1 nap

Every baby is different with naps and what they need, my son had two naps till he was approx 20 months, he has always been an early riser regardless between 5 and 6am, and alot of friends kids have been the same till they don't nap/get older/ go to school. It's hard but we just have to power through, you may need to adjust your schedule to go to bed earlier if your exhausted instead of trying to make him sleep later. Mine didn't sleep through till 16 months, but only woke for 1 feed around 4 am.

The wakings sound like he is either uncomfortable from food, maybe try cutting out dairy and see if it help? Or he can't self settle, there are several methods to sleep train, I done Ferber method at about 7/8 months and quite honestly the best thing I ever done. It took 3 nights to be no crying on the 4th and he has self settled and put himself to sleep ever since with no issues now nearly 3 and a half. The first night took 1.5hrs and he did make himself sick, I so nearly cracked at this point, the second night was 45 mins the second night, no sick thankfully, then 15 mins the third. It isn't for everyone and the older they are the harder it is, and i felt awful when he was sick but it has made it good in the long run for us.

11 months isn’t a toddler, he/she is still a baby.
6am is a completely normal wake up time for a baby/child and in fact is a lot later than many babies and children (and many adults) get up for the day.
Waking a few times a night is also normal.
I wouldn’t count waking 3 times as waking “continually”. Some babies wake hourly even at 11 months. I know that’s not helpful but I’m saying it to manage your expectations.

It’s so difficult, when you feel like you’re never going to sleep again it’s the worst.
i personally hated it when people said it was normal and I had to readjust my expectations because I was just exhausted and couldn’t cope and I needed a solution and to know it would end! My awful sleeper started to sleep a lot better about 10-12 months so I hope yours gets better soon 💕 I have no nap advice but here’s what we did to try to cope:
we found it was helpful to split the night into two - partner would do the first shift and deal with all the wakings then from anywhere between 1-3 depending on wake time we would swap over so we would each get a good block of sleep. Not perfect but it helped to cope - do you have a partner and can you fit a bed in the nursery as a temporary measure?

we also found that he was relying way too much for milk to get back to sleep and wouldn’t have much milk during the day because he was getting his calories at night! We decided what was an age appropriate length of time to go without food (say 4 hours to start with, I can’t remember what we did now) and if he woke up before the four hour period was up he wouldn’t have any milk until we hit that time. We would cuddle him and walk him around so he wasn’t crying on his own as that was the right decision for us until milk time came. First night was hell. Second night was worst. Third night thought it would never end and why were we bothering. Fourth night - he slept! Way less wakings and he was better at getting back to sleep. Our son had no health or weight issues so this worked for us, obviously everyone’s child is different.
also have you tried getting them allergy tested in case there is something upsetting his tummy?
wishing you lots of sleep in the very near future. It will get better

My little boy is 14 months old, by the time he was 11 months old I had weaned him off the morning nap. He has dinner at 12:20/12:30 and then nap at 1-3 and then bed at 7. When you’re putting him to bed is he having a feed before this? If not then he needs one, but you really need to stop the 10:30 dream feed if he isn’t waking up at that time you’re disturbing his sleep. I know it sounds harsh but you also need to stop rocking him to sleep, he doesn’t need it it’s now just turned into a habit. Try and settle him by not removing him from his cot. It’ll be tough to begin with but he’ll soon get better at it and start to fall into more of a routine.

I’m so sorry op, I have no advice but wanted to say hang in there! It will pass one day and you’ll survive, I promise! My dd stopped napping young, would wake up several times in the night and still get up early in the morning. It was brutal! She finally slept through the night from 4.5 years old 😱 some kids just find it tricky to sleep through and don’t need as much sleep as others. Give yourself a relaxing evening once your ds is in bed and try to have a lie in on weekends (I used to take turns with dh so we got one lie in a week each, but sometimes he let me have both as I was beyond exhausted). Everyone will have different advice about naps, sleep times, sleep training etc but nothing worked for us. It will happen naturally, just give it some time :)

At 11mo mine were only napping once a day. So up at 6am, down for a nap 12.30-3.30 and in bed again anywhere from 6pm to 7.30.

I had 3 kids, 1st one slept amazingly well, 2nd one was awful till 9 months old then slept brilliantly. 3rd one woke every 2 hours till 14 months old.

Sometimes kids just don't need as much sleep as other kids..

Hi,

11 months old - he’s still a baby. Not a toddler…
i don’t think he’s getting enough sleep to be honest. Maybe he is over tired and therefore not sleeping well. Please don’t cut naps out at this age. They need it to grow and develop!
I have a 3yr and 6month old. Both mine napped (3yr old no longer does but did…) 2/3 hrs in the morning, 2hours max after waking up and the same in the afternoon - both in bed for half 6 and sleep through till 7ish give or take.

Is he getting enough food in the day, I know you say he has reflux but is he getting enough solids during the day, 3meals and day with snacks? It all adds up and definitely helps them sleep if they’re content and full?

we also found that he was relying way too much for milk to get back to sleep

An 11 month old??

I feel your pain! My LO was an awful sleeper until we got his reflux sorted! So the doctors said “He’s got reflux give him gaviscon.” I didn’t realise at the time reflux is a symptom not a diagnosis!

Your sleep schedule seems perfect to me. We sorted our little ones reflux out at 3 months and two weeks later, at 14 weeks old he started sleeping through. He was like a different baby. I suspect your little one isn’t sleeping because the source of the reflux hasn’t been treated - we kept getting fobbed of by the hospital!

Our little ones reflux was caused by a Cows Milk Protein Allergy (CMPA) and tongue tie. I’m not sure if you know the symptoms of these so I’ll list my little ones:

CMPA:
-mucusy poos and constipated or explosive.
-blood in stools
-could not be lay flat and screamed if he was
-couldn’t self sooth and needed rocking (for what felt like forever)
-breathing was deep and raspy
-snotty nose
-bits in his eyes
-exzema
-greasy hair
-coughing and sneezing all the time
-prolonged periods of crying where he couldn’t be consoled
-sick… all the time!
-often drawing his legs up in pain
-comfort feed so seemed like a hungry baby.

-arching back while feeding

tongue tie: (My little one was checked 5 times by the NHS and was missed)
-clicking noise while feeding
-extremely difficult to burp
-dribbling while feeding
-coughing during feeding
-excessive wind
-drawing legs up
-couldn’t take a dummy as couldn’t latch

Basically, as a first time mum they kept fobbing me off, saying phrases like “try a dummy, it’s just reflux that he will grow out of or it’s a bit of colic!” Anyway we paid private for his tongue tie cut and we got a dairy free prescription milk from the doctor within two weeks he was like a different baby! We went from having a baby who was constantly miserable, always wanting to be held, screamed if put down and an awful sleeper to the happiest little boy!

Good luck on your journey! Having a reflux baby is totally draining and unless you’ve experienced it people’s “helpful advice” can really be upsetting!

Please feel free to drop me a message if you need any more support. ☺️

That's not very helpful as she's already said shes tried not rocking to sleep but the baby gets in such a state.

To be honest, my daughter was almost 3 before she regularly slept past 4.30/5am and still rarely wakes later than 6.30 at almost 8yo.
At 11months she was waking every hour for a 30 minute feed (breast fed) so I’m not sure I’d consider 3 times per night a bad sleeper. I think the problem is that so many people tell you they ‘should’ be sleeping through and unfortunately it’s just not true. Some babies do sleep through at that age, but many don’t and that’s perfectly normal. Yes it’s exhausting, but if you accept that it’s normal (and it will pass) then it’s an awful lot easier to deal with.

My son was like this....I have in one night and just brought him to my own bed and he slept like a log. We all did. So much so that the husband slept in a different room for another 7 years...suited us both and our child slept great every night and is very happy. One day he'll not want to sleep in the same bed and that's fine but it works for us. I definitely never put him to bed that early either tho. No way was I getting up at 7am. Calculate the hours they need and work out the time you want them to wake up and deduct it and make that their bed time

No not this. He is not napping way too much.

Some things to consider.

What time does he eat? What do you do with him before bed? If he's eating later it may be his tummy waking him for digesting? He doesn't need a dream feed not no harm in a bottle before bed?

So - bath, book, lights low. White noise. Low/red light in his room if any at all.

Word associations before bed 'sleep time, night night'.

At 11 months old my son was having two naps. Around 10am for 60 - 90 mins. Then around 2.30. He never slept past 4. We did gentle sleep training. He was never left to cry but we didn't pick up or anything.

We didn't push for an earlier bed we stuck at 7.30pm.

6am is early but it's not completely unreasonable. Ours wakes between 6-7 most days.

I work with a baby sleep coach so looking at your schedule my initial thoughts are baby isn't napping for long enough. At 11 months I'd be expecting naps to be 2 hours ish, twice a day, the 2nd probably a little earlier.

Is baby waking naturally or are you waking them? If you are waking them, I'd leave them longer. Up to 2.5 hours. Try this for at least 2 weeks before you decide it isn't working as our bodies can take time to adjust.

It's hard when our babies aren't easier self soothers, at 11 months it's not the worst crime in the world for baby to be rocked or patted to sleep, the issue is them self settling in the night. Have you tried putting something that smells like you near the head of the cot (not in the cot that's dangerous).

Naps look ok to me, my daughter was napping same sort of times and lengths. At 11 months she did still need resettling some nights and 6am is a pretty standard wake up time, my daughter generally sleeps through the night but lots of phases where that changes, at the moment she's need resettling a couple of times in the night, she's almost 2.I don't think the dream feed is needed. Sounds like getting off to sleep can be difficult, if it's 2 hours of screaming fairly often then the bedtime routine probably does need some work, if it's just occasionally I'd say that can be normal. For us we did many a night of putting her down leaving the room, then going back in when she was upset , and repeating that. Not everyone agrees with that, but it worked for us and meant after a while she would consistently get off to sleep quickly with no distress, and would wake up in the night and resettle easier, we could see her on the camera.

I think part of it is managing your own expectations too. Alot of children don't sleep through for a long time.

Not at all! Most children that age nap longer than that!

My son was an awful sleeper until 4.5, it nearly killed me. I found taking him to osteopath helped a lot as it turned out he had pain in
neck/back from being squashed in the womb, also he had very low iron levels and supplementing made a massive difference. May be worth getting his levels testing. I also found that he slept better going to bed later, he just doesn’t need more that 9-10 hrs even now at 6yrs if I was to put him to bed at 7/7.30 he would be up at 4! He sleeps in with me and has since being very young, it works for us and I think some children just need that comfort, at some point he will prefer his own bed but when he is ready not when society dictates it. It WILL get better eventually but I know this is no help when going through it

Think the sleep schedule seems pretty normal for his age, waking times and nap times.

my son was under hospital for reflux and CMPA.

Raise the head of the cot with a book underneath on the end his head is at, that will aid reflux ever so slightly. Also found not feeding right before putting him down was better for his reflux (maybe 30 mins before), so we didn’t dream feed. Once we dropped that dream feed he started sleeping through.

We never did dummies but he sucked the back of his hand. He dropped bedtime bottle a bit before on his own at 17 months

Gaviscon for babies I personally think is the devil as gives constipation and can’t do it in all feeds. However try cow and gate thickener. Can be done in every feed and really helps with reflux. My son is coming up 7 now but his reflux as a baby saw about 10-15 outfits a day, it was like the exorcist and utterly projectile.

Have you ruled out allergies like dairy?

Some babies do need more care and attention look up Highly Sensitive Person as around 20% of us are born this way and have more Sensitive nervous systems and may account for why some need more soothing and attention.

The amount of overall sleep is a lot and if he is only waking a few times for a few minutes that's not bad, people give an unrealistic expectation that babies should sleep through but they arexall difficult

Can dad tend to him at 6am to let you sleep slightly later?

Not clear from this post how your partner is supporting in this and the work suitable ie if he works and you don't or if you both work etc

You’re going to get lots of different answers from different people, but I’ve been a nanny for 18 years and I am a mum too. A good routine would be to wake your baby after 30 mins in the morning. And then in the afternoon they could sleep 1-3. I would wake them at 3 even if they have had 30 mins sleep. Then they have enough time to get tired before bedtime. Good luck! Xx