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Original poster

who's a naughty step expert then...?

60 replies

Monkeybird · 15/03/2008 14:15

Is not working. 3 yr old will not sit on it (despite bashing and headbutting his big brother when tired). Have asked nicely, have tried gently restraining. Seems to have little effect. Am I just losing nerve to early? Or should try something different?

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catzy · 15/03/2008 14:21

It's a nightmare isn't it? I've been going through it with my DS 2.7.

I just keep putting him back on the step, he gets up, I put him back and so on and so on. It's great fun, not. Each time I always walk away. Usually what happens is he gets so worked up he throws himself on the floor for a paddy and I just leave him to get on with it, always putting him back if he trys to come to me. After 2/3 mins is up I go to him. Once he's calmed down I explain to him why I put him there again and get him to apologise if needed.

Finally, after many weeks of this he is accepting it and I can now send him there without having to put him there myself. Most of the time I can just threaten to send him.

Don't know if this helps. Good luck x

FrannyandZooey · 15/03/2008 14:23

yes try something different
it's a very unimaginative and punitive form of discipline IMO

Original poster
Monkeybird · 15/03/2008 14:24

Yes F&Z but what would you suggest for a 3 year old who keeps hitting his big brother? I guess the sleeplessness is limiting my imagination at the moment...

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annemarie29 · 15/03/2008 14:38

shop.babyworld.co.uk/DisplayDetail.aspx?prodid=1605
my sister swears by this for timeout/naughty step. haven't tried it myself yet tho

sophierosie · 15/03/2008 15:06

Maybe just have a naughty place - my dd is amazed when I can locate a naughty space out of thin air - be it a corner, doorway etc.

I think you just need to be consistent - give one warning and then just place them where you want them to be and walk away. Don't keep going back to them as its just giving them more attention. They'll soon get the message. It may take some time tho and then you'll be pleased you've seen it through.

I think the naughty step can be a great way for children to learn about the consequences of their actions and teaches them about their own personal responsibility.

FrannyandZooey · 15/03/2008 16:15

I think if you're expecting any one method to work quickly and consistently, you'll probably be disappointed. It's quite normal (depressingly for parents) for children this age to hit if they are feeling frustrated or cross, and usually the only thing that stops it altogether is them growing out of the phase that means they're more likely to use their hands than their mouths to express anger.

In the meantime of course we can tell them that this behaviour is not ok, we can remove them from the situation (physically if necessary) and show them other ways to deal with anger and conflict. But using punishments such as naughty step IMO do not solve the long term problem and as your OP shows, do not always work in the short term either.

Is there anything in particular that sets your ds off? What is he worked up about when he is hitting his brother?

FrannyandZooey · 15/03/2008 16:16

man that time out pad is sinister

Desiderata · 15/03/2008 16:19

I would hope that no-one is an expert on naughty steps, tbh. Have you tried just sending him to his room?

FrannyandZooey · 15/03/2008 16:24

That time out pad is doing my head in.

"A pressure sensor will automatically trigger a siren to let you know that your child has got off the pad and needs to go back on. In this way you can go about your business knowing that your child can't "get away with it". "

good god I am going to have to email Greeny about this. She can come and be corruscating and pithy about it because it has rendered me incoherent

catzy · 15/03/2008 16:27

Have to disagree with you F&Z, It's worked brilliant with my DS. It's really hard to know what age to start and how to discipline. I had to do something about DS's behaviour towards his older brother and this has worked a treat. I don't beleive discipline is about imagination it's about teaching your child whats right and wrong. I use Naughty step for wrong and loads of praise and love for right.

Desiderata · 15/03/2008 16:29

And what's even weirder, F&Z, is that they sell these pathethic things in the toy section at Woolies

FrannyandZooey · 15/03/2008 16:30

I find I am able to teach my child what is right and what is wrong without using an electronic device, personally

I don't think it is ever too young to start 'discipline' in the sense of guiding towards good behaviour

I don't think arbitrary punishments such as naughty step necessarily have any place in this process

Desiderata · 15/03/2008 16:30

Pathethic? That's quite hard to say!!

FrannyandZooey · 15/03/2008 16:30

Desi NO they DON'T
tell me you're messing

Miggsie · 15/03/2008 16:30

...just the mention of the naughty step or being made to leave the room is enough to make DD stop being naughty. She hates to be away from the action.

Agree that pad is sinister...what wrong with using the kitchen timer...or maybe a plant that slowly envelops them...!

FrannyandZooey · 15/03/2008 16:31

oh and I DO believe that discipline as with most areas of parenting is about imagination

flexibility, love, humour and intelligence also help

god help us on days when these all run dry - we've all been there and it is not pretty

FrannyandZooey · 15/03/2008 16:32

LOL at plant
like a venus fly trap you mean?

Desiderata · 15/03/2008 16:32

I'm not messing. There have been threads about this before! I saw one with my own eyes several months ago .. at ground level, in the toy department!

Ooh, I'm sorry to those who use them. It's irritating when other people condemn your choices, but I really don't like naughty steps or pads. There are less humiliating (and cheaper) ways to discipline a wayward toddler.

AliciaJohns · 15/03/2008 16:34

I have seen that time out pad in Mothercare. I bet whoever makes it is laughing all the way to the bank. Some people will buy ANYTHING.

FrannyandZooey · 15/03/2008 16:35

it's like something out of a toddler's version of 1984

hercules1 · 15/03/2008 16:38

My sister is a massive fan of the naughty step but tbh it never really worked except removing her ds from the situation for a few minutes. Eventually it didnt do that and she was at a loss at what to do as she had no alternatives. I remember going camping with her and her panic at realising there was no naughty step on a campsite!

Desiderata · 15/03/2008 16:40

I cannot imagine looking my 3yo in the eye and saying 'Go on. Go ON. Sit on the fecking step/pad. Ahh, YES. Not so clever now, are you??'

He'd look at me like I was a total loon ..

FrannyandZooey · 15/03/2008 16:40

LOL at no naughty step on a campsite
sophierosie you did make me smile being able to conjure a 'naughty space' from thin air

I think time out for a cross parent can be a good thing if you are about to lose it
but explain what you are doing "I am just going upstairs for a minute as I am feeling very cross" and don't enforce it as a punishment
(I have done it when losing rag but it isn't a good way to discipline children IMO)

Walnutshell · 15/03/2008 16:41

time out pad? a joke?

I sometimes wonder if the naughty step is all part of getting children to behave according to adult standards as quickly as possible for fear that they will be otherwise delinquent.

I hope you haven't disappeared monkeybird

AliciaJohns · 15/03/2008 16:41

There should be a Mumsnet prize for Most Useless Gadget (or MUG), except half the NCT catalogue would be in there I fear..