Nursery fees. Babies dad refusing to pay towards.

[LD233]

Hi all
So I'm going back to work next summer when my son will be 11 months old. I will be going back part time as that's all I can dud and afford due to childcare. I will be putting him in nursery 3 days a week.
I know as a single parent I will get some help but I have worked out I will still be paying hundreds each month for childcare aswell as food that needs to be paid for there and I feel I will struggle paying on a part time wage
I have asked his dad to pay towards or half of it so its fair and he is point blank refusing. Saying its my problem as he lives with me. He only has our son one night a week on a weekend. I am really unhappy with this. He pays maintenance 200 a month however when it gets to nursery this won't even cover half of the nursery fees aswell as everything else I pay for. He doesn't pay for anything just the maintenance so I get all of his stuff he needs as well as bills that have gone up. I have expressed how I find this unfair and unreasonable and he just keeps saying its my problem and he's not paying.

How is it fair that I have to go back to work part time and pay childcare fees when in already sacrificing my work and money and he gets to work full time with no impact on finances and he doesn't have to sort childcare as he doesn't live with him?!

You should get up to 85% of childcare fees paid by UC.

It’s not fair. Not at all. Unfortunately it is legal.

Is that level of maintenance correct for his salary and the number of nights, do you know?

It's not fair OP, I'm so sorry :(
The worst part is, there's loads of 'good' dad's out there who contribute nothing to childcare fees - it's so overlooked in general.

If you’re prepared to have 50/50 shared care of your child, then he would have to pay for the days when the baby is with him.

Thanks yes I worked out even after this I will be paying a few hundred and then money for the food he will be having there also that there is a cost for

Unfortunately he doesn't want him anymore than once per week as that's all that suits him. I have tried to encourage more contact but he doesn't want it.

His salary is decent and better than mine. He says he's paying over but I don't believe that due to his salary and only having him once per week. I know its not fair but can't force him. Unfortunately us mothers don't get a choice to pay or sacrifice work

Have you checked this calculator to see what he should be paying? www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

Sounds very unfair. Are you getting everything you are entitled to by way of Child Support: https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance. If not, the Child Maintenance Service can help.

I’d withhold contact - let him pay some legal fees for access

It really does sound like you have a case for CMS here. I would strongly suggest you do that.

If he has a decent salary and only has him once a week there’s no way £200 is over. Unless his salary is actually not as good as he’s making it out to be.

Horrendous.

A child is not a stick to beat parents with.

Dreadful advice. And not in the interest of the child. No wonder women get such a bad reputation

Do you know his salary. I’ve just put £25k salary per annum and 1 overnight or less per week into the calculator and that comes out at just under £250 per month. Unless your ex is on a low salary the maintenances sounds low.

Go through child maintenance it might be right what he is paying but might not

Sorry but it’s that attitude that lets Men get away with awful behaviour. No good dad pays such pitiful amounts and screws over the mother of his child.

Wow really. He is self employed is the issue as he has warned me he will dodge the forms to get out of it as I have threatened CMS. He gets atleast 34k a year which is alot more than me but he's self employed. But I know this is what he earns approximately

Go down the CMS route, no need to tell him or involve yourself in the process, leave that to those who get paid to handle it.

How do the numbers stack up if you work full time?

Check you're getting all the benefits you are allowed.

Your son is five months old and doing overnights with his bio father?

He is yes. One night a week. I do not breastfeed he is formula fed and I spoke to my health visitor about this and other parents who said it was okay

Hi if I work full time I don't think it would be benefit me financially which is why I'm going back 3 days per week to start with

That's what the father of this child is doing to the mother. He is making sure she has no ability to return to work full time by refusing to contribute to the nursery fees, and simultaneously refusing to have the child 50% of the time because thst would affect his earning power, freedom, etc. He is deliberately making sure she is impoverished and will not progress in her job or career.

She needs to go after him for every penny she's entitled to.