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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Nursery fees. Babies dad refusing to pay towards.

59 replies

LD233 · 18/12/2023 17:55

Hi all
So I'm going back to work next summer when my son will be 11 months old. I will be going back part time as that's all I can dud and afford due to childcare. I will be putting him in nursery 3 days a week.
I know as a single parent I will get some help but I have worked out I will still be paying hundreds each month for childcare aswell as food that needs to be paid for there and I feel I will struggle paying on a part time wage
I have asked his dad to pay towards or half of it so its fair and he is point blank refusing. Saying its my problem as he lives with me. He only has our son one night a week on a weekend. I am really unhappy with this. He pays maintenance 200 a month however when it gets to nursery this won't even cover half of the nursery fees aswell as everything else I pay for. He doesn't pay for anything just the maintenance so I get all of his stuff he needs as well as bills that have gone up. I have expressed how I find this unfair and unreasonable and he just keeps saying its my problem and he's not paying.

How is it fair that I have to go back to work part time and pay childcare fees when in already sacrificing my work and money and he gets to work full time with no impact on finances and he doesn't have to sort childcare as he doesn't live with him?!

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Original poster

LD233 · 19/12/2023 06:45

LaurieStrode · 19/12/2023 03:03

Does he have two other kids or one?

If he has a four-year-old and is in a relationship with his/her biological-mother, how did he happen to conceive a child with you?

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He has one other child. He cheated on me and got back with his ex whilst I was pregnant.

OP posts:

Original poster

LD233 · 19/12/2023 06:46

hattie43 · 19/12/2023 05:51

Did you ex even want a child . Doesn't sound like he has much interest in him .

He wanted this chile very much he made out. We were together and he left whilst I was pregnant.

OP posts:

autienotnaughty · 19/12/2023 07:00

I'd go through cms. It's tough the first couple years but you should get the 30 hours two year funding which will hopefully ease things. I assume there's no family to help out.

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9-12 months old Babies & sleep Childcare & nursery Families

SecondUsername4me · 19/12/2023 07:37

Will you still be able to afford to pay all of your bills on a part time wage?

unicornsarereal72 · 19/12/2023 07:57

If he is elf employed he will dodge the system I'm afraid. CMS will not be able to verify all his income assuming there is an element of cash in hand. As he has a child he lives with then they will make a deduction from his income for that child before your calculation. As previously stated you will get 85% if your child care cost back from UC. It's rubbish but you can make it work.

wildwestpioneer · 19/12/2023 08:10

Unfortunately it's not right or ethical but it is legal.
No point going via CMS if he's self employed, you may end up with even less.
Stop proving him with nappies, formula etc on his contact time.
Claim everything you can.

Sometimes, if you can afford it, it's better in the long run, to keep working ft but appreciate sometimes it's not possible. One your dd starts school things should get a little easier and less expensive

OnAir · 19/12/2023 08:17

Is your ex my ex ? I never got anywhere I just had to pay it. I was met with the same response.

Workworkandmoreworknow · 19/12/2023 08:54

Soontobe60 · 18/12/2023 17:58

If you’re prepared to have 50/50 shared care of your child, then he would have to pay for the days when the baby is with him.

There is no 'have to' about it. I paid childcare for 3 children for years because my ex was unreliable and my job isn't flexible. He used that childcare when it suited him but if I wanted the spaces, they had to be paid for.

Groupofone · 20/12/2023 05:36

It's breathtakingly unfair OP. This is all legal and the father of a child can simply walk away AND the courts will enforce his right to see his child whilst simultaneously not enforcing any responsibility to do so or to contribute to that child's upbringing.

It's like when you read the "not guilty" verdict of the accused rapist who claimed he tripped and fell and his penis penetrated the woman by accident.

Makes you think we must be living in a misogynistic patriarchal society . Oh, wait.

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