ADHD daughters behaviour

[Helpme2015]

My 8 year old daughter has ADHD.
She is having behavioural struggles in school and I’m at a complete loss how to deal with it.
In year 1 she had an awful year where she was regularly excluded, and put on a partial timetable. I almost lost my job due to this, as well as my own mental health!
Year 2 we had a big improvement and she had a mostly good year.
Year 3 is heading on a downward spiral again. She’s disruptive in every class, doesn’t listen, only completes her work about 50% of the time, runs out of the classroom. She hasn’t been excluded as yet but I’m worried it will get that way.
School are being helpful, giving her opportunity to turn her behaviour around, lots of movement breaks, more leeway than other kids. Tried ear defenders but she just messed with them.
She doesn’t qualify for funding for a 1 to 1 or anything like that.
When she’s been bad at school she has a stern talking to about what better choices she could have made, then she loses her iPad, her tv at bedtime, is sent to her room for the evening and loses getting to go to her activities after school also. It’s making home life miserable because it’s now every day, but I can’t just let her get away with the behaviour because I’m worried it will spiral to what it was before.
When she’s good she earns pocket money, crafting time, screen time, and after school activities and we make a big fuss over her which she loves, although it’s rare now.
I feel like I’m being too harsh on her but I don’t know what else to do. Although it’s not working anyway.
Please help/advise!

didnt want to run and read.
ehcp wise, you need to keep fighting for it, they will turn you away at every step. Don’t take any of it lying down.
Look for parent support groups in your area, they will support you with the process.
I can point you to some if you live in the same area as me.

a fab book is how mot to murder your adhd child by Sarah templeton.
she’s also done a version for teachers which is amazing, and if your brave enough you could give the teacher a copy.

The meds issue depends which one as we have no issues and haven't had. I only ever get 30 days but I thought that was as it's a controlled drug and needs meds reviews quarterly. Ours was private initially but GP took over once stable

Take a look at the books/ videos by Chris Palmer and Georgia Ede. Both work in nutritional psychiatry, the idea being that diet has an impact on the brain. I have read books by both and they offer startling anecdotes about parents turning their kids lives around by dietary intervention.

The reason I started was because the teacher says she seems to be choosing to do things, and smirking as she does them - such as screaming out in class, refusing to come in from playtime, refusal to do work, singing out loud in class, talking back with attitude. I wish I could be a fly on the wall to see myself. She’s manageable at home.

Teacher sounds crap.

I had an undiagnosed Audhd when she was this age. I found rewards worked way way better than punishments. I’m not sure you should punish a kid for their disability.

This is nonsense for ADHD so please stop saying it.

Just wanted to say a massive thank you to everyone. I feel a huge weight off my shoulders that I don’t have to punish her anymore, when my mothering instinct told me not to too and has been proven right.
I’ve some great advice to try going forward.

You sound lovely. I’m so happy for your dd that she has a mum who wants to learn about adhd.

Reugny. I wonder if it was the same poster who was saying last week that you could cure a genetic skin condition through diet alone.

Amazing how some people believe that any genetic condition can be cured.

I agree, trust your parenting instincts. Kids behave well when they can. If DD plays up and her behaviour is difficult, I’ll give her space to calm down and then say ‘I’ve noticed you’re upset, are you able to tell me why?’. Sometimes she struggles to pinpoint it (hormones are at play sometimes these days!) so we talk it through, or I’ll get her to do drawing to show how she’s feeling, then she can talk me through the drawing.
You are a great Mum. Trust your instincts and go from there.

We are really struggling with our 8 yo daughter too. Similar story / Y1 and Y3 tough.
We haven’t had an official diagnosis (cost) but her sensory OT says highly likely to have adhd and/or ASD. The school give her movement breaks but it isn’t enough. She doesn’t display much at school, all at home which means we have no chance of help really.
we are seriously considering home education or small private schools. I feel for you.

ECHP Saying that?! That is discrimination.

I agree, what good does it do?

A private diagnosis would be way cheaper than private school. Diagnosis & meds can transform outcomes. Budget £1-2k

ADHD mother of ADHD young adult.
Fucking stupid teacher - I am a teacher
You child cannot help how she behaves, STOP punishing her.
You need EHCP which may make life a tiny bit easier or medication.
iIf she was diagnosed, you should be able to get meds tomorrow.
Get them- it will change her life.

Could have wrote the exact same thing for my 7 year old peaks and troughs with school teachers who are patient others who arnt she is waiting to be diagnosed so we’re in limbo but she’s just being classed as being the “naughty kid” in school I think until we have he diagnosis in black and white no one will really pay attention this years been hard instant clash with the teacher and a battle of wits ever since

@deeprealisation yes we know that. But we aren’t too keen on meds and the class of 31 and then the crazy rules which seem to get worse into secondary..

I seen an interesting post few weeks ago about how school sets the foundations for working life …..sat down for 7+ hours a day, having to listen and follow directions, not to challenge authority or rules and unfortunately neurodiverse children don’t follow that pattern hence why they are always on the outside looking in as they “don’t conform to the norm” - maybe ADHD could pave the way for changes especially when our kids become adults and are part of the “working world”

@Sausageandchips123 I totally agree! That’s why we are looking at alternative Ed like Home Ed or Waldorf

@Sausageandchips123 Not all high schools are like that. Lots yes but lots no. Ours isn't and loads adhd kids thrive albeit a lot are helped by meds too

@pinkbunnylugs Meds for most adhd are a game changer. It's not just academics. It's everything. Sports, other clubs & groups. Social groups. Peer groups.
Adhd kids are generally seen as over bearing & a bit Wierd etc by others.
They seek dopamine. Permanently bored. It gets worse as they get older.
A small private school may not be right fit either.

I think maybe you are letting your daughter down by not trying meds. They’re widely used and life changing.

My Dd started last week. The crazy racing mind has calmed down and she feels calmer on them.

I’m not saying never, we’d like to try other things first. We are on a 2 yr waiting list anyway so it isn’t going to be any time soon. @ArseInTheCoOpWindow indont think it’s for you to say to another mother that they’re letting their child down. You don’t know us at all and I think you know that most mothers would do whatever they think is best for their kids!

@deeprealisation glad you’ve got a supportive school. The secondary schools round here are awful from what I’ve heard

If she had a better year in year 2, that teacher much have found something that worked.

I agree with pp that your dd is clearly communicating that she cannot cope on the classroom. It sounds like the school are not recognising this until she hits crisis.

id flip it and start challenging the school
on what they are doing to support / desculate etc

Are the school accessing SENIF funding to support her. This can be a stage before EHCP and will help evidence rhe support she needs. It is incredibly hard to get an EHCP now so you'll have to push for this, don't assume school will be proactive as you'd like. I'd join some parent forums to get support and more knowledge your LA might actually run a forum. The teacher doesn't seem to know too much about ADHD, arrnage to meet the SENCO with the teacher to talk it through. The face she coped better last year shows the approach of the teacher really helps. There is lots of info for you on line about ADHD.