Severe anxiety regarding photos of my children

[Triedeveryusernameunderthesun]

Hi, please tell me I am not alone feeling like this! It's really hard to explain fully, but the jist is, I cannot cope with anyone taking photos or having photos of my children, in any way, especially tech based or via social media. This includes family and the school. I have been made to feel by the school, that I am the only parent who does not want their children plastered all over social media, or (how I see it), 'used' for school advertising purposes, on FB, YouTube etc. I take photos for memories, but due to how severe my anxiety is, I cannot decide how to safely store and print them. Currently I am using an external HD, but long term I worry in years to come if they will be ok! So I really want to tackle this asap and feel confident that my treasured memories are safe. I am really worried and uncomfortable at the thought of using an online printing company, as they will naturally view and store the photos. Equally, I feel overwhelmed by the idea of printing at home (which I would prefer) because of the amount of printers available (I have researched so many) and of course the costs involved with ink, paper etc. I feel stuck and trapped by my anxiety and unable to move forward and enjoy photos of my children.

The school has no right to make any comments about this. I was in a DV situation and moved a lot, so my DD changed schools often and every time I made it clear photos were not allowed. I never had a problem with it. There's nothing wrong with you making that clear with them, no matter the reason for it. You have every right to stand firm, and I think you're smart to be careful. Is there a local place that prints photos? I've been doing something similar, trying to get everything printed in multiples. If you can't find anything local just read the privacy policy on an online printer service. Or you can ask them directly. For getting a printer at home I would narrow the choices down by budget, and then read the reviews. I imagine this would be a very expensive route to take though, with the ink and paper mostly.

Do you think your DH might be frustrated or not taking you seriously because it’s not clear what you’re scared will happen to your kids? It might be hard to empathise with something you can’t even explain.

Thank you. Exactly! It's scary enough without having anxiety about it. I appreciate your reply. I'm not crazy after all! Lol!

Yes possibly I can see this but just being able to talk to him would help. I shouldn't have to post on here. Once again though I don't think I need to explain it to the last letter. I have given very valid reasons and they should be sufficient to show understanding.

I don’t think scaremongering about the dark web or advice on how to print loads of photos is actually helping the OP. Coping behaviours just feed the anxiety cycle. They can provide short term relief, but ultimately just make things worse.

OP, AI doesn’t need photos of your (or anyone’s) kids to make videos. The ‘AI using pictures of your kids’ rumour is a particularly nasty bit of silliness that was started about a year ago and has exactly as much veracity as QAnon/Pizzagate. Please don’t take any of that seriously.

You might think you’ve given valid reasons, but he clearly doesn’t agree. I’ll be honest, if I were your DH, and you told me you were terrified of someone getting hold our DC’s photos, I’d ask “what are you scared will happen to them (DC)?” And, if you weren’t able to tell me, I’d have some difficulty understanding. Particularly as this is clearly a long term thing and you’re against him even sending photos to his family.

It’s not about explaining things to the last letter. For most people, the very first reaction to “I’m protecting them” is “from what?” It’s the core issue.

School cannot display any photo of your child in newsletter,press or any medium if you have not given permission , many parents including adopted or foster parents , children from domestic violence , do not give permission either incase child can be identified, school has to adapt by either not photographing your child or hiding your child’s face! They cannot overrule your decision however inconvenient to them!!!!

I don't think it was meant as scaremongering, more so just pointing out why I might have valid reasons for being worried. But I do agree with you that it feeds my anxiety, along with coping behaviours, this is true. Despite what some may think, I do have a good understanding of myself and my anxiety and I want to tackle this and move on BUT it's easier said than done with zero support! It's a really really lonely place to be. And this is not my only issue either. I feel as though I am in a huge black hole, sinking further and further inside. I do appreciate all of the replies though.

Other parents will take photos and vids and despite being told not to share or post online - they do. It’s impossible not to end up capturing another child if you take a photo.

I hate social media that involves a child, as they can’t consent to it a such. I mean, they probably don’t care now but might do in the future and once it’s out there- that’s it.

DH won't agree though because he hasn't been through what I have been through. Literally nothing bothers him, ever! He is so laid back he pretty much lives life laying down. I know nothing is going to physically happen to my kids by having a photo printed, but it's the thought of their photos in someone else's hands. A stranger's hands. Potentially some weirdo's hands and the storage of those photos. I am protecting them by not having them on social media. I am protecting them by not allowing 'family' (I use the term lightly), to post photos or share photos with every Tom, Dick or Harry on fb! As I said before, the majority of 'friends' on DH/family fb, we never see or even speak to! And then there's friends of friends etc. Who the f* are they anyway?! So it's not that I can't articulate a specific reason. It's a lot of reasons all mixed together.

Thank you I appreciate your kindness and suggestions. There are local printing places but it's still the issue of how are they stored etc. I'll have to ask. But then I guess this is another way of coping. I'm not sure what the right thing is to do, 'cope' to feel better or face it and print without worrying. Yes printing at home is going to be very expensive but I would feel better doing it this way. But is printing at home managing my anxiety or protecting my kids.

Thank you yes exactly. This again for me comes down to trust. I cannot trust the people closest to me, so how can I trust strangers. I know when they are older they will decide for themselves but it's scary. I want to teach them the right way now, but I'm on my own to do it. The rest of the world is tech mad. School has massive touch screen TV's, ipads etc and that starts in reception! They can access google and youtube. Apparently staff send kids off to play minecraft on the ipads! Tech is used at school to reward kids as well. At home I'm fighting a losing battle with this because DH is a gamer and hooked DS early on by letting him play or 'have a go'. So I think all of this is making me feel like tech is the enemy. Does this make any sense to anyone? Or am I in the wrong here?

You poor thing. I want to give you a hug. What’s the situation around professional support for you? I don’t think MN is going to help with this.

None of those things would actually impact your kids in any way, though. As you’ve said. They wouldn’t know, they wouldn’t care, it doesn’t affect them at all.

So, again, you may feel that these are valid reasons (and you’re entitled to your feelings) for feeling the way that you do. However, from the perspective of others (possibly including your DP), you’re not actually protecting them from anything.

I can only imagine how lonely this must all make you feel. I’m sorry I can’t do more to help. Do please speak to your GP.