Severe anxiety regarding photos of my children

[Triedeveryusernameunderthesun]

Hi, please tell me I am not alone feeling like this! It's really hard to explain fully, but the jist is, I cannot cope with anyone taking photos or having photos of my children, in any way, especially tech based or via social media. This includes family and the school. I have been made to feel by the school, that I am the only parent who does not want their children plastered all over social media, or (how I see it), 'used' for school advertising purposes, on FB, YouTube etc. I take photos for memories, but due to how severe my anxiety is, I cannot decide how to safely store and print them. Currently I am using an external HD, but long term I worry in years to come if they will be ok! So I really want to tackle this asap and feel confident that my treasured memories are safe. I am really worried and uncomfortable at the thought of using an online printing company, as they will naturally view and store the photos. Equally, I feel overwhelmed by the idea of printing at home (which I would prefer) because of the amount of printers available (I have researched so many) and of course the costs involved with ink, paper etc. I feel stuck and trapped by my anxiety and unable to move forward and enjoy photos of my children.

This. Don’t know kids ages but essentially it’s their decision, or will be soon. Please for your sake and your family’s, get some counselling about this - it’s very extreme given there isn’t a genuine reason like DV

But the world has always been a horrible place. There were wars and terrorist attacks when we were younger etc and there are also millions of examples of positive things but they just get less publicity and largely the human population continues to thrive.

It sounds that a long with being down to a lack of trust it is also asserting to gain control because you have been out of control of the things that have happened to you.
.you need help from your GP and MH service,not your DP although that would help ofcourse and may well be part of the problem

That. Very much that. Your children are going to be far more damaged by your anxiety than any photos. They need to live life to the full. To be able to trust you and be able to tell you anything without worrying about the effect it will have on you.

Your DH isn't the one to look to for support, it seems. Go to your GP. Contact a mental health helpline. Get a self help book on anxiety. Tell a trusted friend. Better still do all those things.

This is SO important. Be proactive, please.

So no school photos given to granny or sitting in the sideboard, no class photos? This is really going to affect them growing up when they look back and see zero record of their childhood.

please get help.

FYI many online print companies don’t see the photos. I used to work in a high street printers and we really didn’t have time to look at peoples photos.
so an online one will do a quality check in the morning and then likely just pump them out like a factory.
don’t rely on jus having printed photos though they can easily get damaged.
my mum lost all hers in a flood

I guess because I am with them whenever we go out. I understand that this will not always be the case.

I have been trying to get support for years. The NHS is a shambles. Privately is ridiculously expensive. I found a counsellor, built up a rapport, then she decided to give up counselling. My DS does attend clubs and birthday parties etc, but I just don't allow photos to be taken of him. Find help is hard, especially when there is no support around me anywhere else and trying to fit therapy in around young children and a DH who works shifts that are erratic, unreliable and often 2-3 hours away from home. Plus everything around the kids, running the house, school issues, clubs, cooking etc all falls to me and with seriously declining mental health, it's a lot for one person to manage and think clearly about. I try every day to be the best mum I can be.

Yes I do need support. But try finding it. I don't mean that in a rude way. I touched upon what I am worried about, things like where printing companies store the photos, who sees them etc. Just the fact that strangers are seeing photos of my kids. I think it is a very real and genuine fear tbh, based on my own experiences throughout my life.

It is extreme. I agree. It is exhausting to feel like this every day and not only about this. My mum guilt is also extreme. I feel bad over everything. Yes control is a factor due to not being in control most of my life with situations. I am very health conscious.

op you do realise the vast majority of abuse of children is by someone the child knows??

I agree. I can see this. But gps are useless and only have 5 minutes to talk. That's if you can get an appt. I have tried, believe me. I end up feeling even more alone having being fobbed off but yet another 'professional'. Or simply handed a prescription or added to a years waiting list.

I know I have severe anxiety. I have openly admitted that. The mental health system is not even a system. It's a service that expects you to only suffer during office hours. This was quoted to me by a mental health nurse!

Thank you. The film still needs to be developed though.

There is a genuine reason. The world is full of weirdos preying on kids! Why do I have to be a victim of DV in order to not want my childrens photos shared with the world. My DH fb is full of people we never see, and barely even know. If 'family' want to see the kids, they can see them in person.

You have to see that it is irrational though - you are uncomfortable with anyone potentially seeing an image of your child whether printed or online, but the same child passes thousands of unknown strangers on an average week with a trip to the supermarket, walking to school, at parties, in the school playground. Even if you are with him. Any one of those people could be imagining all sorts of things about your child. I mean, they're probably not, but the hang up on photos is irrational in the grand scheme of things. You also don't say how old your child is.

Look, we know the NHS is a shitshow and private is expensive. But at present you are looking for options for printing/storing photos to keep your anxious thoughts at bay rather than realising the photos are a symptom and what really needs to happen is to address the anxiety. Yes the GP only has 5 minutes but might be able to refer you to self-guided CBT or online counselling, or to a local anxiety support group but you will only know if you make an appointment and ask.

Yes I have not been in control over many situations in my life and I still feel like I don't have any control because as another poster said, I am fighting a losing battle.

I do care about this. That's why I posted on here. I don't have any genuine friends or any family. My only family are my in laws who couldn't give two stuffs.

Ok thank you

Don't be defined by this. You need counselling to work through it.

Can I ask, what exactly is it you are afraid of? People may see the photos. Then what? How does this affect or endanger your DC? Even if a paedophile saw the (fully clothed) photos. It would be horrible, and one doesn’t like to think about it, but - in your mind - how would this affect or endanger your DC? Can you articulate the outcomes you fear?

You say you’ve tried to get help. What happened? Your counsellor left and you weren’t given a replacement? You didn’t like the replacement? Are you currently on a waiting list? Have you communicated to your GP the extreme nature of your current levels of anxiety?

What will happen when they are old enough to decide for themselves you can't control children to that extent

Going back to an earlier message am i right that you aren't letting the school take photos in a nursery setting or similar to upload to a programme that lets you see what they have been up to but only you see, and are asking the school for alternative arrangements. If so I suspect the reason the school is pressuring you is because they are concerned for you.

have you spoke to your GP, if not I would start there. Being cautious is normal, this level of anxiety isn't.

I don't think your attitude to the school is reasonable to be honest now you've explained it.

They provide a photo sharing option for parents to see what their children have done - it isn't a requirement and it isn't a need for you to see what they've been doing.
If you don't want their photos on that platform, you don't get to see what they've been doing. That's simple and fair, there is nothing for you to be kicking up a fuss and complaining about!

It's like you're saying "I want to go to Sally's birthday party but I don't want to go bowling. Therefore Sally needs to do something else for her birthday to keep me happy".

Ultimately though you need to get therapy. No one here can make this better for you.

Ultimately you can't control the photos other people take, so you need to find a way to manage that anxiety.

In a party, other parents may not upload pictures of your child to social media but it's inevitable that they'll end up in some of their private pictures. As parents dont usually stay at parties after the first year or two you have zero control of the photos the parents take.

If a parent takes a photo of their child on the swings in the park, your child may be in the background on something else.

Even walking down the road your child will be captured by CCTV.

At school, it would be very unusual for a child to never be photographed at all - much more common for some children's faces to be blurred or have an emoji over them. But the photos still get taken in the first place.

It's going to restrict activities that your child can do - anything that involves performances, even the school choir would be unmanageable as parents naturally will take photos of the group of children. Most (personally speaking) don't put up on social media photos of other people's children without checking with parents, but they still have the photos on their phones etc.

So I think you are better off getting to manage your anxiety over this than trying to control the impossible. In reality you've got about an much chance if stopping your child being in any photos others have, as stopping the rain falling from the sky.

Ps: Paedophiles genuinely won't be after a photo of your child at school or a party, or on the slide. That's not the sort of images they are after shudder.

It is actually a requirement. The school use the platform to document work that is not in physical workbooks. I declined social media such as fb and youtube. I had concerns about the work platform simply because however you look at it, it is still a system designed and owned by an external body, where those photos of MY child are stored. All I was saying is how the school made me feel and how the world expects everyone to be fully online and there are no alternatives for the parents who do not feel comfortable with this. I am not sure why you think I 'kicked off'. Were you there at the time? Could I remind you that just because you don't understand my feelings, it has taken courage to post on here and I have been open about what I have been through. You could very well have a fear of something and I might not understand it, but I would still be kind to you.

Take care