Severe anxiety regarding photos of my children

[Triedeveryusernameunderthesun]

Hi, please tell me I am not alone feeling like this! It's really hard to explain fully, but the jist is, I cannot cope with anyone taking photos or having photos of my children, in any way, especially tech based or via social media. This includes family and the school. I have been made to feel by the school, that I am the only parent who does not want their children plastered all over social media, or (how I see it), 'used' for school advertising purposes, on FB, YouTube etc. I take photos for memories, but due to how severe my anxiety is, I cannot decide how to safely store and print them. Currently I am using an external HD, but long term I worry in years to come if they will be ok! So I really want to tackle this asap and feel confident that my treasured memories are safe. I am really worried and uncomfortable at the thought of using an online printing company, as they will naturally view and store the photos. Equally, I feel overwhelmed by the idea of printing at home (which I would prefer) because of the amount of printers available (I have researched so many) and of course the costs involved with ink, paper etc. I feel stuck and trapped by my anxiety and unable to move forward and enjoy photos of my children.

OP what exactly do you think would happen if someone saw photos of your children? What is your fear?

Do you take photos of your children? Why do you do that if you think it's the same as just looking at them?

I have some anxiety issues although not as severe as yours and have sometimes got fixated on specific things. So I can sort of understand where you are coming from.
I wonder whether you have become anxious about this specific thing because it seems to you to be something you can do something about? It's possible your child could be struck by lightning or have some sort of freak accident as you walk down the street but you can't control that other than by staying at home so you still leave the house because not leaving the house would be disproportionate to the chance of something happening. You might be sensible about standing under a tree in a lightning storm though. Or most people drive their kids in a car despite the risk of an accident because not driving would be very limiting unless you live somewhere with good public transport. But they take sensible precautions with car seats and seat belts and not driving after drinking. And people who don't drive will need to navigate streets as pedestrians which has a level of risk too but they take sensible precautions around where to cross the road for example. Hopefully that hasn't sent you off worrying about leaving the house - my point is that risks and precautions have to be balanced and there are many areas of life you can't make zero risk and I think this is one of them. It sounds like you have particularly fixated on the photos thing. Sensible precautions might be not putting photos on social media. Never getting photos printed and declining for the school to post photos to their own record system aren't sensible precautions. So maybe check in with other people who will listen sympathetically about what they feel are reasonable precautions and what are not?

Hi op I have a similar anxiety regarding photos of my dc but mine is slightly different in that I do not like other people taking photos of my dc unless they send me a copy. It gives me huge anxiety if know there is a photo of my dc out there which I do not have a copy of. I dread them going to parties etc where I know they'll be lots of photo taking going on. I will often ask parents to send me or tag me to their dc birthday pics saying I'd love to see what a fun time they all had when really all I want is to save any containing my dc. I also find it difficult to delete any photos of dc which are not great or blurry as its my dc and as a result I've got thousands of photos.
I don't upload any photos of dc to any social media platform and I also store my pics and vids on hard drives but have huge anxiety about the hard drives breaking and losing everything. my Google photos storage is full and is now demanding a minimum of £79 for future uploads which I cannot afford so I've no cloud back up. also rarely print pics myself.
I can actually pin point the root of my anxiety in needing to have every single photo in existence of my dc to the loss of an album of dc1 nursery days which nursery somehow lost. I was devastated as it was a beautiful album containing all her nursery learning journey photos and her drawings etc. since then I've felt the need to have every photo in my possession so I know it's "safe".
funny how anxiety affects us. I do totally understand your anxiety op.

Did you take the medication offered by the GP? It can help relieve the symptoms of anxiety even if it doesn't address the root cause.

No not at all. Thank you I do see your point. All of those things are risks, but like you say, I take sensible precautions. It's strange how our minds work. I appreciate your reply and I hope you are ok and coping with your anxiety. It's horrible no matter what it's linked to or caused by.

I am so sorry about the nursery album. This is awful and heartbreaking definitely. I would be in bits. How did they explain this to you? Did they even try to retrieve it for you? I started out exactly like this! I could've written exactly what you said when my DS was first born. This is how it started for me. I'm sorry you're going through this too. Honestly when DS was born I had this overwhelming need to have copies of every photo taken, until in the end I just couldn't cope with any photos being taken at all, by anyone other than me. Even my DH, purely because he goes behind my back and sends them to family. Which yes I do understand that he has a right to do as DS dad. But it's the fact that I am struggling and need his support to overcome this if I can and by going behind my back, it simply makes me feel worse and unable to trust. If a photo is sent to MIL, she's only got to pass on to one other person, or lose her phone and my DS photos are god knows where! This is how it manifests in my mind. Maybe extreme, but very real and actually in this world today, very likely. I also struggle to delete photos, even if they are identical, or maybe blurry etc, but I can do it, but it's stomach wrenching, so I understand how you feel regarding this. For me this aspect comes from guilt, like I am deleting my kids or not wanting their photos. A feeling of not being grateful, after years of heartache to become a mum.

Hi yes over the years I have tried several due to side effects etc then stopped to have children and can go back on but they are sedating and DH often works nights so I am worried I won't wake if the kids need me and even with DH here, he doesn't hear them, so I won't take them. Nothing is ever easy.

I think it's trusting other people with the photos. It just freaks me out. It's knowing they are out there in someone else's possession and they could make copies or send on etc

Then I will try to guide them. I am not trying to control my children. I am trying to control the world around them. In my own way, to protect them. I can't help how I feel or how my mind works. It has been shaped this way through trauma and life experiences.

And then what would happen? How would what you’ve described hurt or endanger your DC?

Oh just to add, I have nobody to check in with. This is half the problem. This is where DH should come into it as my husband 'in sickness and in health' and all that, but no. People say it's not for him to deal with. I'm not expecting him or anyone else to make this better or deal with it but 'support' me, listen, offer comfort or understanding etc yes, I do expect that.

Protect them from what, though? I’m sorry that we all keep asking, but you are yet to articulate precisely what it is you think will happen to your DC.

Why do I need to articulate anything precisely? I think I have actually articulated my feelings very well. You continue to use the words 'hurt' or 'endanger'. I have not to my knowledge used either of those words. I may have forgotten, but I don't think I have. Can I not just feel the way I feel without needing to have an exact reason pinpointed to the last letter? Is losing several babies not enough for you to see why I might be over protective of my kids? There is not one answer to this unfortunately. If it was that easy I wouldn't be on this forum.

Honestly op. You do understand that soft play . Supermarkets etc all have cctv so your children's images are stores on these systems already.
It's fine to allnot allow the school to publish photos but what will happen down the road is your child will be asked to step out of the football team photo. The nativity photos etc

You need to go back to you gp before this gets worse

If it won’t hurt or endanger your kids and you can’t articulate what you’re protecting them from, then you’re not actually protecting them from anything. You’re not stopping any harm from coming to them by this behaviour and you don’t even know what the harm you’re afraid of is.

Do you accept all of that? Because, if you do - If you accept that you’re actually not protecting your kids from anything - it’ll make taking steps to deal with things much easier.

I actually thought I was the only person in the world that suffered with this kind of anxiety my dd is a teen now so I've suffered for quite a while almost 10 years. Apparently her nursery album along with 3 other children's were put out for an ofsted inspection and just disappeared. staff did search high and low but they were no where to be found. I am over it now but was absolutely devastated at the time I'd also recently had another baby at the time and already suffering from post natal anxiety and I think that's why I was affected so badly by the album loss and hence triggering my photo anxiety.
like you I have nobody to speak to about it in real life as people think its so silly and as lovely as dp is he's not the most understanding and just wouldn't get it.
I've no advice to give you unfortunately op but I hope it eases in time for you. having read a post on this thread about a poster who had a hard drive failure has set my anxiety off again about losing pics & vids as I'd be absolutely devastated. I just don't know what to do.

Do you have any appointments available being a qualified psychiatrist lol. I am protecting my kids thank you but feel free to continue repeating yourself. It's responses like this that makes mental health the taboo subject it is, because there is no compassion or understanding. It's just judgement all the way. I hope you never have any fears or worries that perhaps you can't fully explain, but you need support with. I guess some people are perfect. Have a lovely evening.

Yes fully understand this. My DS plays football and has been in nativities. I just take precautions if I can. Despite my anxiety I do try my best to let him enjoy his childhood and do these things. He's not locked up in a cupboard! GP is not worth a toss.

I have been both compassionate and understanding and I haven’t judged you at all. However, I understand that I’m saying things you don’t want to hear and asking you to acknowledge things that you’re not ready to.

You have a lovely rest of the evening, as well.

Anxiety is a lonely place to be. Ofsted may well have accidentally taken it. It's such a shame. Yes same here, I have HD's which is why I want to tackle this and get my photos printed, but it's not easy.

You do realise that over 40% of photos of children on the dark web are pulled from social media. Paedophiles then use image altering software to make what can potentially be innocent photos into not so innocent photos. And now, the use of AI to make videos. You only need to speak to a parent who was contacted by authorities because they traced a photo/s of her toddler back to her during an investigation (or in my case, a friend who works high up in the Internet Safety world and very much knows the seedy side of things online and has never shared photos of her kids online and warns others not to either, even on private profiles)
So, if OP is nervous, she does have reason to, and while it may be on the extreme side, which she's aware of, perhaps show a bit of empathy instead of attacking her.

If you are ok with sharing and allowing your friends and family sharing your kids photos, then fine, good for you. But that doesn't mean you should attack others for having a different opinion/approach/worrying etc.

It's not that I don't want to hear them, otherwise I wouldn't have posted in the first place. But it's the way you are saying them. I don't think you have shown any compassion or understanding at all. You come across as a know it all tbh. An expert maybe. Who knows. Please don't waste any more time replying.

You can print from a machine at bouots.

What do you think will happen?

Please provide your sources for any of that.

And please indicate where I have ‘attacked’ the OP. Quote the ‘attack’.