Friend who went through DV now faced with homelessness and losing her kids

[ConcernedCitizenUK]

Hi everyone, I am supporting a friend who is really struggling and we don't know where to turn to for advice and support. Trying my luck here.

She went through an abusive marriage and has 2 small kids.

She left him and got a non molestation order on him and went to the police.

They had a council house but it was in his name, so she left and went to a council to declare homelessness.

Her previous council home was a nice 2 or 3 bedroom house but the council offered her a small council flat.

Unfortunately she received some really bad advice that she should be firm and refuse the property and the council will get her a bigger house.

She did that and the council banned her from being on the housing list and declared her "intentionally homeless".

She had a social worker to support her and also spoke to her local MP for help. But the MP seemed more interested in trying to take the children off her than help her (a tory MP).

The social worker organised hotels for a few weeks and tried to change the councils minds and then now have said they will no longer fund hotels and if she doesnt find housing by tomorrow they will take her kids and put them in foster care.

I have tried contacting journalists, womens aid charities like Refuge, Womens aid etc. They dont even respond.

Womens refuge charities will not help, since she is not in immediate danger, as she left her ex a while ago now.

I have no idea where left to turn to get her help. I am talking to all these people on her behalf and she is also talking to citizens advice etc and we cant find any help at all.

Any suggestions on what to do or who can help?

I could afford a few months of full rent if needed but the £300 isn't how much I can cover as a guarantor, it's how much I can contribute monthly to her rent for the foreseeable future if her benefits won't cover it

I think what the poster is saying though is that unless you can demonstrate you are financially able to pay the entire rent for the entire period of the tenancy, you cannot be her guarantor. The bottom line is a guarantor is someone who has to pay if the original fails to, so you will only be accepted as a guarantor if you can prove you are capable of paying the full amount for the full term if she fails on day 1, or if not then you would usually only be accepted as guarantor if you have “assets” typically a house you own, because then even if you don’t have the cash then they can take your assets for the value x

I could pay the entire rent for the duration of a 6 or 12 month contract if I had to. Obviously I don't plan to but if I had to I could

As long as your finances support that then you should be able to be guarantor for her. I know they are quite tight on this now though especially if you don’t have a mortgaged house to make them feel more comfortable in their risk.

Why are you insisting posters 'don't like single mothers'?
You've said she'll only get 15 hrs childcare free so can't possibly get a job.
You both do know she could gey a full time job and pay the other hours, like many many single mothers do?

Exactly. This person seems extremely work-shy.

She’d get 85% off the non funded hours too.

As someone who is going to be homeless with 2 children in the next few months, I don't understand why your friend has not done more to help herself? It's awful she's experienced DV, but she's had 2 years to make sure her children have a home. I have 6 months. I've contacted every authority I could. I've picked up alot of over time from work to save more money. Social services are not involved with me and won't be either unless I intentionally make myself homeless, which your friend has, she intentially made her children homeless. She turned down a council property. The council make it very clear that whilst under homelessness, you get 1 offer, so you have to accept it. If she moves to another district, they will ask why she hasn't been housed in her current district. So this may affect her there also.

I understand the private rental is terrible at the moment, as I'm struggling with being offered one myself. But, I am trying everything in my power to make sure we have enough funds saved in the meantime.

Is there any possibility she can get a takeaway delivery job? Or an uber driver? You work your own hours really. Other option is for her to sell the car and use the funds to private rent. I'd do this if I needed to.

I would step back if I was you though as you could end up suffering yourself. She needs to get work ASAP. UC pay 85% of childcare. Register with agency's to find temp work. Absoloutly anything. It will help her.

Thing is, she's be on minimum wage as an unskilled worker. She'd be on more money on UC, and also wouldn't have to make up the rest of childcare costs (85% of which she would get help towards). In any case, coming off benefits, and waiting for the first month's pay in a new job is a process someone in the middle of homelessness can do without.

She'd*

she's be on minimum wage as an unskilled worker. She'd be on more money on UC, and also wouldn't have to make up the rest of childcare costs (85% of which she would get help towards
So your opinion is every single mother in a minimum wage job should quit it and just claim benefits?

Is that what I said?

I mean… it sort of seems like you are yes. You’re saying that she, who is a single mother, working a minimum wage job, would be better off on UC than working & paying for childcare. If that’s your argument, then you are basically saying anyone in that position is better off not working.

But what else would people take from on more money on UC when getting a job is suggested?

Just a few things to consider -

Are you sure the social worker is a social worker and not an IDVA (independent domestic abuse advisor) this is a support worker role?

Now she has been deemed intentionally homelessness what are the repercussions due to this with regards to her reapplying to the local authority (council) for housing? In my area you would be deferred from being added to their waiting list for 6 months but could reapply after that period.

If you are looking at a private rental and not declaring the children, if found out she would be in breach of her tenancy as this would state how many bed spaces (not rooms) and she would have made herself overcrowded. The landlord could evict her via the court process for this. She could also be seen to have obtained a tenancy by deception. Also if the local authority become aware the landlord could be issued a hazard notice which is not going to go well. the shelter website explains what these are

To be a guarantor for a private rental it is likely that you need to be able to prove you earn at least 3 times what the yearly rent is

For the divorce papers did the solicitor not suggest using a process server to serve them? Who tried to serve them on the ex and took the photo?

I know you have said you have been unable to get advice so far from other agencies but I think you need to try pursue this as much as possibly to get you the best advice as from the terms you have used there seems to be a little confusion about who does what, what help there might be.

After seeing this updates I'm convinced this thread is by a total fantasist. Nothing at all makes sense. OP seems to have invented a scenario where she can portray herself as a saviour, do-gooder and hero and get applauded by strangers online. She has latched onto a vulnerable young mother she knows from real life as part of the charade, or invented parts of the story. The relationship between these two people are not clear, neither are the ages or emotional/contractual connections. People have not responded the way she hoped and now the story get spun into more directions where she can be the main character.

1. No normal person will voluntarily give a friend £200-300 a month with zero strings attached. It simply does not work that way. There is zero warmth in any of the references to this friend or your friendship. You don't even describe her as your best friend, just "a friend". Yet you are willing to give her £300 every single month plus be a guarantor for a flat?! That's a setup more common for a biological parent, yet we presume you have no blood relation to this woman?

2. You claim you earn well above average. Presumably you have some sort of formal education, both academic and social? So how that does translate into acting as a guarantor for a vulnerable young person who is unlikely to ever pay it back? She had two small children and it will be at least 5-6 years before she can even get back into reasonable full-time employment. That in itself is not a criticism or judgment considering her unfortunately circumstances. But it's madness from any objective angle.

3. What do you get in return? She must clearly be indebted to you for such generosity. It would make sense if you have a deep history or emotional bond together. Yet you seem to come from different worlds. You only mention her ex and past DV with distaste, you earn loads more than she does, you don't mention what your age difference is.

4. She clearly has other people in her life, such as her sister and the people she took bad advice from. Where do you fit into all this? If you are willing to literally become her guarantor and support her financially for the foreseeable future, she should surely be your best friend and vice versa? If you are both of similar age, how did you end up in such a high earning job and she has nothing? If she is significantly younger than you, why are so invested in the life of a young, single mother and how did the friendship develop in first place?

Yet last night you said my offer is genuine if it's two or three hundred a month. Can't domuch more than that

but today you can do much more than that and give her 12 grand?

I don't think you understand what "guarantor" means. It doesn't mean I'm going to give her 12 grand. In all likelihood I'll give her zero. Nice try. Keep fishing 🎣

What is @Getthethrowonthesofa fishing for?!

Sorry but I'm not even going to entertain any of these questions. They don't serve any purpose in helping my friend.

No idea why some of you are intent on trolling the post. Clearly you have nothing better to do.

But I'm not going to feed trolls with a response

Fishing for some sort of contradiction in the story that they can latch onto. Clearly some people have nothing better to do than join threads calling stories fake or casting judgement on the people needing help.

But I don't have to entertain such people.

My friend refers to her as social worker and the MP emails refer to social worker and social services etc so that's why I've used the term social worker. But I don't think it matters too much even if it is some other type of support worker. But even though my friend is no expert in these matters I would presume she'd only use the term social worker if she heard other people use it in her context.

In terms of the implications of being classified as intentionally homeless, it seems to vary from council to council.

During my conversations with people involved with my friend 5 years was mentioned. And someone else mentioned there needs to be a "break" such as if she can get private housing and registered with council tax etc which then causes some sort of fresh start. But people on this site have said 6 months. So it's not clear. But either way, it seems preferable to move to another authority at this point.

I earn above 3 times the annual rent on a 1.1k a month property and she's unlikely to go higher than that so I think that's OK.

It was some sort of courier who delivered the papers and took photos to provide to the court as proof but the judge rejected it. Then the divorce just stalled.

Which agency do you recommend?

I thought that the benefit system was set up now so that you're never better off not working than working for low wages? Eg let's say for every £1 you gain in wages you lose £0.75 in benefits. So if she worked minimum wage she'd still get benefits and would end up with more than if she didn't work? That was my understanding but could be wrong

Yes she's considering being a taxi driver actually. She'd need it to work around childcare. I have suggested she could consider getting an accountant and going self employed. She can claim back tax on petrol, insurance etc and count them as expenses so they wouldn't impact her benefits. Her benefits would only decrease against actual profit she made and from what I understand, the system is designed for her to make more money than she'd lose in benefits to make it worth her while working. It would also help with getting a property since landlords want you to earn your money and not get benefits, or at least a big portion of your income should be wages and not benefits. So seems to be worthwhile.

She might struggle with childcare as she only gets 15 hours for the younger child but people here suggested she can get another 15 hours daycare. So that's gotta be worth considering as an option.

Also she doesn't need to sell the car to rent. She has the money for first month deposit and rent. The problem is not that she doesn't have money. It's that landlords don't want to take on tenants on benefits. Her selling the car wouldn't actually alter the equation there, but just means she loses her mobile and potentially an income generating asset