Myself and my partner are considering starting a family together and so have been discussing at length what having kids means to us and if our values on it align.
A big reason for this is that my partner has struggled with his relationship with his dad. His parents divorced when he was 15 and his dad went onto re-marry not long after. Over the years it's become clear that his dad's priority has moved from his kids to his partner and at times it's weighed very heavily on him, feeling as if the new family his dads created with his wife and her children comes first. His dad is really dedicated in some ways, but quite dismissive in others and he's found that hard.
I think he lives with a heavy weight of not feeling enough even long into his adult life.
For us, we've agreed that children are a privilege and if we're not prepared to dedicate our lives to ensuring they are happy and fulfilled then we will stay child-free. It's not to say we'll be slaves to kids if we have them, just that we will be dedicated to doing what it takes for them to feel secure at every age, not just 0-18. Even in divorce, we're both aligned on that when kids are involved the family unit remains forever, even if parents are apart as for kids that's important.
Very interested to know from other mums-netters if they've had similar discussions or similar experiences themselves when it came to deciding whether or not to have kids?
Are there other important things you considered when choosing to have kids?