Bedtime alone with 2

[Margo34]

When you're on your own (DH away) and preschooler is procrastinating at bedtime but you've got (poorly) baby screaming for a feed and bed - what do you do?

I did warn my eldest it is bedtime well in advance. Then "I'm getting baby ready for bed, nappy teeth and face wash. If you want my help to get ready for bed, come now. When baby is ready, I will take baby to bed. Come now and I can help you as well."

I talked aloud through each stage so eldest knew exactly what was going on, "baby nappy is done now, teeth next" but eldest still procrastinated, went to play in their bedroom, fart arsed around going up the stairs etc and I've now left them screaming at me from the bathroom door. Now they've decided is the time they need my help, obviously. But I'm doing exactly what I said I'd do.

WWYD?

Probably go to help a bit tbh. I never think bed time is a good Tim for point making

altho actually I might let preschool come £”& have a story while settling baby & calm things down then get teeth after

I'd feed the baby first. Then get the baby ready for bed. Then I'd put the baby down and get the toddler ready for bed. When your kids are close in age you meet the most vulnerable ones needs first.

That's what I've done but everyone is screaming at me.

I agree that bedtime is not the time for making a point. It's time for holding safe reliable boundaries and doing what you say your going to do. Which is what I've done.

I had already offered a story but preschooler procrastination got in the way.

I would just get baby to bed and then sort eldest

How old? I get the toddler ready whilst holding the baby, then get the baby ready whilst toddler in bed. If he's not asleep by the time baby is ready or is faffing around, then I take them both upstairs with me to my bed, feed baby to sleep whilst toddler twiddles his thumbs and eventually falls asleep. I put baby in cot which is in our room, and then carry toddler back downstairs to bed.

It often feels like the Tiger, Rabbit, Lettuce thought game! Neither can be left alone, both need to be in safe sleeping space 😂

What age pre-schooler?

Age 3 preschooler. Poorly baby aged almost 7m.

That's sometimes life with 2 kids that are close in age. Often no one is happy, or satisfied, least of all you. I have a 15 month age gap. Honestly, it gets easier x

What is your current bedtime routine?

Firstly, I feel like I could have written this. My usually pretty chill 4 month old is alternating vomiting snotty milk on me and screaming at me. Thank god DH is here tonight - when he’s away or working funny shifts bedtime with 2 is the worst hour of the day by a long stretch.

However, How old is your preschooler? DS1 is just over 3.5 and there is no chance I’d leave getting ready for bed up to him, especially on solo nights. On nights I’m on my own I pretty much do it all to my schedule. Im usually pretty ‘gentle’, but on solo bedtimes I unashamedly use bribes and occasional threats to keep on track. Otherwise total chaos would ensue and the more overtired a preschooler gets the worse their behaviour gets.

I wouldn't withhold a toddler story. 😔. Always reconnect at the end of the night.

A 3 year old is still really little and may want you with them/your help getting ready for bed.

When you have a baby suddenly a 3 year old seems so big. But you'll see when they're older how little 3 really is!

You'll have ti work out a way to do it that involves both. Even if it is slower. Story with big while feeding little? Racing 3 Yr old to get dressed in same room as you racing to get baby dressed etc.

A 3 year old still needs connection with you in the evenings. Always go to bed reconnected (with a story...)

Im a lone parent of 3 and have been since they were 5, 2 and 6months. I used to chuck them all in the bath together, get baby out and sorted on the bathroom floor while the other 2 played. Popped that one somewhere safe (even if crying), then got the next youngest out and did the same followed by the oldest. I'd then feed baby while reading the older 2 stories. Baby was usually settled enough then to be put down so I could put them into bed then go back and make sure baby was asleep.

I didn't do any faffing around giving choices or explanations, I just did what I had to do.

They are three, and they don't have the rational thought to be able to predict what they will need. I think you just have to do the best you can and really fit the baby in around the three year old. You're expecting way too much of a toddler.

Oh okay, yeah no way would I leave my 3 year old to his own devices at bed time, especially on my own with a poorly baby. Both in bath, both dressed in pyjamas by me and we don’t leave the bathroom until it’s done (baby may have to cry a bit). Downstairs with baby in sling or in bouncer. 3 year old does attempt at own teeth then I do them whilst watching 15 minutes of tv. Feed baby whilst reading books. Ensure 3 yo in bed before baby.

What I'm trying to say is I guess you do the best you can and that might mean some tears while one or the other has to wait a minute but I wouldn't be getting cross with the older one or blaming them.

Yeah I'd be juggling both as @VivaVivaa . Weird to leave to own devices or expect them to decide when they need new nappy etc. You're the adult and you create the routine.

Sorry I think I misread and you meant the baby re: the nappy. But nonetheless you're still giving a three year old far too much responsibility. You say, 'come on, let's get you ready for bed' you don't ask them, surely.

Been there! But 3 is so little still. Don't leave them.
I get them both ready and put them in my bed. I feed the baby to sleep and then put them down.
Usually 3 year old has drifted off to sleep anyway by then but if not I read until they are asleep.
If I'm putting them to sleep in their own room, then I feed to baby in preschoolers room and then leave to put the baby down when they're both sleeping.
3 is so so little still and it takes a while to realize that when you have your 2nd. They really are only capable of rational reasoning sometimes and especially not when they're tired at bedtime.

You deal with both together, sorry but a three year old is very small.

Both dressed together, baby fed whilst reading to three year old.

While DH is here - one each, divide and conquer.

While DH away (often, as presently) - usually both up to bed together, all in the bath room, double bath baby out first dressed and dried given a toy, preschooler out next dressed dried and teeth, hair dried in preschooler bedroom, both into sleeping bags/duvet and all lie down together for story, good night pre-schooler then take the baby and feed to sleep in my room.

But baby is ill and cannot wait for the preschooler to go to bed first.

Yes usually I do.

But baby is ill and preschooler is fart arsing around, deliberately delaying. Hence the question, WWYD? You'd make poorly baby wait for preschooler who is deliberately delaying?

And if the pre-schooler is taking so long that the baby isn't 'waiting a minute', what then?

Yep I would make poorly baby wait and I have done before. It’s so shit being on your own, especially when one is poorly…but getting the older one to bed is still the most important task I’d say. At 3 they don’t respond to reasoning, you just have to power on through as boss and unfortunately that means the baby, this time, will be collateral. It’s not like you can feed the baby to sleep with the 3 yo still up anyway. Well, I certainly wouldn’t leave my 3 to unsupervised in a different part of the house for that length of time anyway