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Original poster

I feel like we will never be in a position to have a baby

77 replies

Thejewellershands · 28/11/2023 10:57

I wasn't too sure where the most appropriate place to post this was. Hope it's ok here.

Me and my partner have been together for 6 years. We have lived together for 4 years and just bought a house in the summer. We really want to be parents but it has never been the right time, however now that I have just turned 31 and the "right time" is still nowhere in sight I'm starting to worry a little bit.

The main issue is money and career. I never spent my 20s establishing my career, I never knew what I wanted to do and spent time going from one job to another trying to find somewhere I was happy. I have now started a career that I love, however I have had to start from the very bottom and plan to work my way up. Because of this, money isn't great.

We have 5k of debt on a credit card which is currently our number 1 priority to pay off. It's interest free for 2 years so we are putting as much money onto this as we can per month, however with our salaries we can only put £100-£200 a month on.

It's going to take us a while to pay this off, plus the house completely needs renovating and we are slowly doing this currently, however not getting very far as we don't have much money left over for it after bills and debt are paid. So it's also going to take us a long time for the house to be sorted and not the disgusting mess that it is.

On top of this, I am now really starting to enjoy working. I have always hated every job I've ever had but finally found something that I enjoy and want to do well at. I feel like I wouldn't now want to put this on hold to start a family as I am SO early in my career but already 31.

I know that the house doesn't need to be done before TTC, however we already have limited funds to do it up as it is, adding in the cost of a baby and childcare etc it would take years for us to do it up and it just isn't nice to live in as it is.

I feel like at this rate we will not be in a good position to start a family until I am in at least my mid 30s which I understand is not old, and people do it. But I worry about the decline in fertility and the added risks that come with age. Plus I have endometriosis that I've already had a few surgeries for so I have no idea how long it would take us.

I feel like I have entered my 30s how I should've entered my 20s. I feel behind at life and now I'm at the stage to start a family but only just have a house and career and income isn't going to improve any time soon until I start to move up. What can I do? Am I worrying for nothing? Sone advice for people who have experience would be great.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Ariela · 29/11/2023 16:09

Check the maternity pay situation. I'd also consider not being on maternity leave until after you've passed the 2 year mark as your job is better protected then. Just in case. In any case from the new free childcare POV you'll want this but it's from 2025. Likewise I doubt mortgage rates will drop much before then - there'll likely be a general election Jan 2025 and quite often this encourages a drop in rates

Ask about getting your qualification now. Ask about promotion ladder at your 3 monthly review - show you're keen.

Plan to pay that 5k off over the next year. Look at paying for your Dh's qualification after that, so as you drop onto maternity pay, he's reaping the benefits. Save again beyond that for baby/maternity. As others say you don't HAVE to have everything new
Look at improving your diet and overall fitness as this will help conception )both of you)/ you carrying the baby.

AquaOtter · 01/04/2024 18:09

Thejewellershands · 28/11/2023 10:57

I wasn't too sure where the most appropriate place to post this was. Hope it's ok here.

Me and my partner have been together for 6 years. We have lived together for 4 years and just bought a house in the summer. We really want to be parents but it has never been the right time, however now that I have just turned 31 and the "right time" is still nowhere in sight I'm starting to worry a little bit.

The main issue is money and career. I never spent my 20s establishing my career, I never knew what I wanted to do and spent time going from one job to another trying to find somewhere I was happy. I have now started a career that I love, however I have had to start from the very bottom and plan to work my way up. Because of this, money isn't great.

We have 5k of debt on a credit card which is currently our number 1 priority to pay off. It's interest free for 2 years so we are putting as much money onto this as we can per month, however with our salaries we can only put £100-£200 a month on.

It's going to take us a while to pay this off, plus the house completely needs renovating and we are slowly doing this currently, however not getting very far as we don't have much money left over for it after bills and debt are paid. So it's also going to take us a long time for the house to be sorted and not the disgusting mess that it is.

On top of this, I am now really starting to enjoy working. I have always hated every job I've ever had but finally found something that I enjoy and want to do well at. I feel like I wouldn't now want to put this on hold to start a family as I am SO early in my career but already 31.

I know that the house doesn't need to be done before TTC, however we already have limited funds to do it up as it is, adding in the cost of a baby and childcare etc it would take years for us to do it up and it just isn't nice to live in as it is.

I feel like at this rate we will not be in a good position to start a family until I am in at least my mid 30s which I understand is not old, and people do it. But I worry about the decline in fertility and the added risks that come with age. Plus I have endometriosis that I've already had a few surgeries for so I have no idea how long it would take us.

I feel like I have entered my 30s how I should've entered my 20s. I feel behind at life and now I'm at the stage to start a family but only just have a house and career and income isn't going to improve any time soon until I start to move up. What can I do? Am I worrying for nothing? Sone advice for people who have experience would be great.

Just go for it and everything else will work out I promise! You just find a way. Speak to a financial advisor or StepChange (they are really good and help support families in debt) work out a repayment plan and set a budget for baby things. You don’t need all new stuff. Babies grow SO FAST you can get beautiful second hand clothing and cots at a fraction of the price and no one would ever know. Be smart with your money and it will go much further. Monzo is a good banking app to help you set budgets for things like food and stick to them. Cut out things you don’t really need like new clothes, dinners out, expensive make up etc. set up a baby fund and put a little bit away each month.

I had my first baby when I was 18 and I just made it work. I’m now 32 and have a successful career and a new partner. Life is good and my child is thriving. It wasn’t all plain sailing, but you get through it. If you have a partner who loves you and is committed to you then you will both be fine. Life is way too short. If you truly want this in your heart then go for it. The universe has a funny way of setting things up for you. You just need faith, commitment and a clear vision. Then you’ll be unstoppable! Xx

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