Is parenting what you thought it would be?

[Tired890]

I always wanted to be a Mum and I love my son to death but my God is it hard. He had colic and a milk allergy as a baby so I never experienced the “newborn bubble” that people talk about as he cried all the time. He’s 1.5 now and adorable, loving, funny but I still find it challenging. He’s incredibly active, an incredibly picky eater which I find very stressful and he needs constant stimulation and entertainment (as I’m sure most kids do, am not saying this is abnormal), but I find it such a slog. I feel like I keep waiting for it to get easier but the challenges just get different.

Do you enjoy parenting as much as you thought you would?

We had twins and I thought my life was over. I thought I was going to die. I love being a mum. It's been hard at time but it has always been because of other things not the kids.

I didn't put a huge amount of thought into it and was very naive really. Thinking that the baby/child would just fit seamlessly into our lives 🙄

I've found it very hard. Yes there have been many lovely times, but I don't think the challenges outweigh the positives really. Plus they cost SO much.

Hence I just had the one! They are loved and adored and have a great life. But they are at the challenging pre teen age and full of attitude. It's very draining.

I did think, given that I'm married to DCs dad, that parenting would be a team effort...I was quite wrong and totally unprepared for the lack of effort made by DH. It really blew me sideways and still does, most days.

A friend who is a single parent somehow believes I've had it easy. I'm not down playing the hardship of a single parent , but having to deal with parenting and a passive partner is truly demoralising.

I enjoy it much more than I expected too and dont find it as hard as I thought. I listened to everyone tell me how difficult it would be etc but really haven't found that. I do know it could have looked very different if I didn't have a 50/50 relationship and hands on grandparents close by though. plus no money worries etc.although I waited until I had all those in place in order to have a child and limit the chance of it going wrong.

I enjoy my kids massively, luckily I had no bonding issues and we're a little team. They're still young so very dependant on me which is nice but also claustrophobic at times. Bedtime is usually a relief but only because I don't hear "mummy" a million times a minute. Food can be a challenge as can bedtime but they're kids, I pick my battles and so long as they're fed, clean and get 10 hours sleep they're good.

The thing that has ruined me is their dad. In my mind we'd share the care of them, we'd both get some alone time and we'd be happily and financially settled. Instead OH parents when he wants, is mad at me for being the preferred parent, and has had so many health issues since DC1 was born that have seen him out of work (but still providing me no help). He's also a reckless spender. I've spent the last few years seething with resentment. Im totally broke now and feeling guilty that I have to move back to my mums with them when we're settled in a lovely house, in a lovely village and they go to a lovely school a short walk away. Im totally broken now and it's not at all the life I wanted to give my children.

Im hoping 2024 is the year I can clear my debts and move the three of us back to the same village to carry on our little life as I'd planned to.

As someone who has a very fussy eater but did full BLW and has continued to offer a wide variety of healthy and homemade food because I love to cook, I don’t think it’s just about choices made. My boy would rather starve than eat something he doesn’t like. He can go a whole day at nursery without food because it’s not to his liking. He doesn’t eat rubbish, but he eats a very small range of food, despite continued offering and no pressure etc. I think you might have just been blessed with naturally good eaters!

I didn't realise just how much parenting and it's ease or enjoyability was down to your child.
DD was probably an average baby, the odd problem with sleeping but nothing major like reflux, colic or waking up every hour.
I loved the baby stage and being on maternity leave, it was great.
But it started to get harder from about 16 months and is in no way easy now that she is 9. DD just isn't a biddable compliant child. She's got a lot of energy, knows her own mind and is stubborn.
I lover her so much and she is wonderful but it hasn't been quite like I expected.

A friend of mine once sais she was a bit smug about her parenting until she had her second child and realised having a 'good' child wasn't down to her, it was mainly just how her child was!

I had twins and it's been more enjoyable than I imagined. I love the responsibility and I'm much more mature than I used to be. I am also much more confident. Little things we do have so much more meaning.

I used to waste so much time. I love the family we have. DC are 6. Every stage is difficult. The only bit I found difficult was lockdown - which had nothing to do with the twins.

i appreciate there’s exceptions to the rules - see the last sentence of my post 😊

@savemyears here's hoping that 2024 is your year - you're doing a fabulous job and I'm sure you and your little team will come out of this period better than ever

Hmm, I don’t know whether you do appreciate it. Only letting off parents with “ND or sensory issues around food” isn’t much of a disclaimer - some children may be/ have neither of those things but just don’t like the taste of a large range and/or resist trying new things, despite parents doing all the “right” things

@PullUpPrince I’ve got to agree with @Tinybrother as whilst my boy is still young and things could change, he doesn’t currently show any other symptoms so can’t currently assume picky eater = ND

I’m 25 years and 5 children in on this game and hell no it’s absolutely not what I thought it would be when expecting my first! 🤣 think I thought kids would be blank slates and as long as you cared for them, were nice to them, taught them their manners etc would be fine. Ho no, they are born with ready made very individual ever changing personalities and will all be guaranteed to give you challenges as well as joys 😁

I had 3 in 4.5yrs

Kids exactly as expected Im eldest of 3 and so is DH. Thought may be harder tbh but well off, DH amazing & his family let us have a fee breaks (back story my parents are horribly abusive)

Worse was:
Impact to body
Thyroid 2st perm weight gain nothing shifts it
Corliac developed after #2
7cm diastis recti

All cost alot to resolve still 13.5st at 5'6 10y later . Lost ability to eat gluten and now allergic to white wine as well!!

I enjoy being a mother but not coping well as a working mum. Feel constantly exhausted and unappreciated. I can't give my all to my job and to my child as it's hard to juggle work and being a mother.

Same here, I’m definitely a much better mum on the days i’m not working, in terms of patience etc, fortunately I only work a couple of days a week but when I worked more it just felt too much of a juggle all round and didn’t enjoy home or work (except on annual leave) now would say generally enjoy both