Is parenting what you thought it would be?

[Tired890]

I always wanted to be a Mum and I love my son to death but my God is it hard. He had colic and a milk allergy as a baby so I never experienced the “newborn bubble” that people talk about as he cried all the time. He’s 1.5 now and adorable, loving, funny but I still find it challenging. He’s incredibly active, an incredibly picky eater which I find very stressful and he needs constant stimulation and entertainment (as I’m sure most kids do, am not saying this is abnormal), but I find it such a slog. I feel like I keep waiting for it to get easier but the challenges just get different.

Do you enjoy parenting as much as you thought you would?

Yes, I love it.

There have been some stressy moments, and probably will be some more. I hadn't expected the depth of my feelings but other than that, it's everything I hoped it would be. 🙂

I'm a single mum from the outset and i never thought it'd be hard for some reason and so far it hasn't been. Dd is 2 and she's been easy as they come, though her not eating all day at nursery or playing up at feed times by keeping it in her mouth and not swallowing tires me. Apart from that , she's easy, happy , contented but everyone says she will change... so I guess I have hard times coming

I was young when I became a mum (21) and just thought "my God, this is going to be hard". We had no money, no house, no jobs (both students), so I went into it without any real expectations other than "oh shit".

In the event, it was great. I had lots of energy and think I've been a good mother. We were able to get jobs, save up, buy a house and sort ourselves out reasonably well financially by the time we were 25.

Had I gone into it thinking "this is going to be some great thing that I just can't wait for", I suspect I'd have found it much harder. I found DD gave me an impetus and a drive that wasnt there beforehand, because i knew i wasnt in the position i wanted to be in when i had her.

It's wonderful and amazing but much more exhausting than I could ever have imagined. I got less than 3 hours sleep the night before last, just felt awful.

For me, first time dad.

Parenting is 24/7 anxiety and worrying about my son.

😭

It's easier than I thought it would be so far (he's about to turn 1) but also incredibly dull. Though not as dull as when he was a newborn.

No not what I was expecting at all.

I love DC more than I ever thought possible. But I find parenting 100x harder than I imagined.

The bits I’ve struggled with weren’t the bits everyone talks about (sleep etc), but rather the guilt, worry and loss of my identity.

I wasn’t expecting that.

The sleep deprivation is indescribably awful. All bar one of my best friends are child free and when I tell them I have been woken 4+ times a night for 6 weeks due to the baby having back to back colds I can tell they think I’m exaggerating. Because nobody can function on that little sleep surely. But that’s the thing. I don’t. When I’ve slept well (and by that I mean a 5 hour stretch without waking up) I’m a different person - calm and good humoured. When I’m tired I’m tense and snappy and make the whole house unhappy

I think I actually enjoy it more than I expected. I always just felt like I heard so many horror stories about it that it was probably going to be awful. The whole thing sounded stressful and I loved my sleep so much so just couldn’t get my head round having very little. I’ve had the opposite experience to what I expected (for most of it) and have two really good sleepers, both still very young. It does reach a point of ridiculousness during the day at times where you just think how is this my life?! Especially if I’m in a shop and my toddler just lies down and starts screaming/crying over nothing. I really try to just let it wash over me and not get flustered about it though. My husband doesn’t seem to be able to do that and you can see him getting so wound up by even the baby crying. I do think no sleep would be a different story though, I just always know I’m on a countdown til 8pm 😂

I agree re this stage being the worst. My eldest is nearly 5 now and youngest approaching 2.5 I am starting to really enjoy it and relax. The underlying anxiety and depression that’s been there since my first is slipping away and I’m feeling like my old self. Outings are becoming genuinely fun and rewarding rather than a test of endurance as we power through activities with the objective of getting home!

I’m not sure what I expected from parenting, I’d say I’ve had to reflect on myself alot. When you realise your children model your behaviour it makes you review it all. So I’ve definitely evolved as the person I’d like my kids to be.

It’s more tiring that I could have ever imagined. I have also surprised myself at how much my priorities have changed. I was very career driven and ambitious and now I’d rather be adequate professionally and succeed at parenting than vice versa. It’s changed my views of feminism too - now I realise women really can’t have it all and in many ways not much has changed and that’s altered my outlook.

I feel at the moment alot of the joy is living vicariously and feeling nostalgic about all my lovely childhood memories and hoping my boys do the same.

I do wonder why people think it would be easy, there are kids everywhere so even if you don't have friends or family with young kids what is it about children that people think is easy?

Tbh this is something that irritates me about people without kids. Anyone who tells me they’re busy or tired that objectively isn’t ie is just coping with normal life and life events that happen to us all but ones that parents manage alongside parenting wind me right up.

I have a friend who is always so stressed and hett up and always has so much on and will say how I’ve just got “the kids” yet can’t see I have an additional strand to my life not one less!

I didn't expect to be doing it without a loving partner.. this has been the hardest thing for me now especially with Christmas creepy close.

Newborn stage I was emotional mess but also so in love, my favourite so far has been ages 4-7 months when he was interacting a lot but not Mobil, 9-10m I've found challenging as he is constantly crawling towards danger and prepping meals that get thrown around is exhausting and he doesn't nap nearly as much! I've been told by friends that toddler stage is difficult until 2 but then people talk about the terrible 2s 😩 but I'm very excited to hear him talk and know what he's thinking about

Pretty much. The bits I find hardest are the bits I expected to find hardest but that doesn’t make them easier iyswim. But the fact that expectation has more or less matched reality is more luck than judgement

@Tired890 He is almost 5. Still co sleeps, because he still wakes for fortified high calorie oat milk... He was recently assessed by nhs as I had ND concerns but they say he's fine, just off the scale bright and under challenged. He still doesn't eat enough in quantity or variety, but falls just short of ARFID.

He got easier about 2, when he started sleeping a few hours at a time. Before then he would wake hourly, not go to sleep until 10pm, and start the day at 3am at the worst. This has very slowly gotten later and later, but with school, he has suddenly jumped to sleeping as late as his sister - until 7.30am once last week!

I say this with the knowledge of a second more chilled child. My home is covered in crash mats, wobble boards, rocker chairs, anything to help get his energy out. He's like a duracell bunny. His baby sister (2 in jan) is the child I imagined, pootling about, playing with toys, looking after dolls/stuffies, leaving a trail of raisins and bananas! Now I have his sister, I get more credit with school/healthcare professionals - he's also incredibly unlucky and in hospital frequently for freak accidents/infections.

Despite the challenges, he is the most amazing little person. He's funny and sweet, and so affectionate.

I was petrified first time round, dreading it. It was glorious, perfect , I found it easy. Baby slept , breastfeeding went well. So second time I was full of confidence... A bit smug even. Really looking forward to it. It was twins and an utter shit show. Early delivery. Failure to thrive. Reflux. Failed at breastfeeding. No sleep ever. And then unsurprisingly PND. Im enjoying them now as children ( they're 6) but it's taken me a long time to get over how devastated, disappointed and robbed I felt by how horrific the early months were in comparison to my first. You're not alone op.

I envisaged it would be hard but it was even harder. A lady once told me it turns your life upside down. I would have to agree. You adapt.
Our eldest baby had colic, allergies and cried for hours. She would vomit in the night and be drenched, the poor kid. She had severe skin problems and she didn't smile and laugh until she started having steroid cream prescribed at about 6 months old. She's a lovely teenager now and has been through so much. I'm so proud of her.
Second baby was easier (only a few allergies and less severe) and third even easier.
It's been hard but I wouldn't change it for the world and love being a mum.

It's knackering and sometimes I eat a chocolate bar really quickly like some demented person whilst sitting on one of the stairs because I won't get bothered there. I've also had to apologise for getting it wrong at times, it's been a steep learning curve.

Anxiety - by the bucket load. So much love however.

I saw a lot of what my brother and SIL did and told myself that if I ever had children I wouldn’t do what they did. Bedtimes and mealtimes were horrendous to watch. I have loved every stage of parenthood but I admit I was very lucky that they slept well, were very rarely poorly and weren’t fussy eaters. The worst thing was my DDs heartbreak age 19.

It’s impossibly hard sometimes, inexplicably easy at others but yes. Mine are teens now and bring me so much pride and love and happiness, it’s without doubt the best thing I’ve ever done. Hang in there, the rough part does pass.

Only ever had the one, and he's 17 now.
baby years, fine , pretty sweet. Then came mental toddler yrs, picky eating, epilepsy followed by shit show at primary school. He was beaten black and blue at school and has always been a bit of a vulnerable child.

It hasn't been what I expected, and I have felt overwhelmed by most of the parenting years. still not out of the woods. I've juggled work and parenting and even married to a steady but hopelessly "unhelpful " DH I am exaughsted.

i figured that as no one had described other key life events like losing your virginity, first time getting drunk, falling in love, bereavement, in any way that felt adequate to my experience of them, my own experience of parenting wasn’t going to resemble anything from either parenting manuals or Rachel Cusk novels, so was unsurprised when it didn’t.

It’s been far more interesting than I expected. Making a person and then watching him grow up into someone who is absolutely himself is a total mindfuck., for something an awful lot of people have been doing since the start of time. I nearly didn’t bother! I’m glad I did.

Iv got a 12 year old and thought it would finally feel a bit easier. In some ways, yes, in others, I've never been more stressed ever before 🤯

The early years were way harder than I expected, much easier now at 10 & 12, but I've also never known love like it.

I never planned to have dc and always said I wouldn't, but I changed my mind a few years after getting married. I have 2 dcs now and I genuinely enjoy every day of it. I think it helped that I've never had this idealised view of parenting or imagine how I'd be as a mother.

My dcs are 5 and 1 and are relatively easy in many ways. They're easy going and we can take them to most places, and I have lots of fun taking them out to visit places around London. They are both very healthy with no allergies and rarely get ill, and have breastfed very easily. They love all the activities that kids of their age are supposed to enjoy, so it's been easy to entertain them with loads of classes, soft play, zoos, concerts, theme parks and theatre trips. They've always joined in with that sort of activity and been able to listen and share etc from an early age.

I think my personality traits help too- I'm not a particularly sociable person and I don't socialise with friends much now, but I have no desperate need for it like some mums do and don't get lonely as a sahm. And I've always had very little sleep (about 5 hours daily) so have never felt sleep-deprived as a parent. My DH works locally so is home to help with dinner and bath routines etc and is happy to get them up in the morning and spend all weekend with us so that helps a lot, though we don't have any other family help. The age gap was good too as my eldest was in nursery when my second was born so I could have proper bonding time with dc2 and experience all the mat leave activities all over again and treat them as individuals rather than juggle 2 very young children at once.

I genuinely think it depends on so many factors - the baby you get, your own personality, your mat leave experience, your circle around you etc.

DS2 is almost 2.5 now and is, quite frankly, a grumpy toad most of the time - he's very quick to cry and scream, every nappy change, dressing, undressing, bath, for example results in a complete meltdown. My experience on mat leave was isolating because all my friends had had their children so weren't off with me like with our first children and the tail end of covid meant there weren't the same baby groups to access.

I love in hope that he starts to chill out soon!!!