Ex left for a minor

[Itsthelittlethingz]

Hi all I posted a last month to say my/children's father who is 31 left to start a relationship with a 15 yo girl.
The girl reached out to me to tell me about the relationship and told me she 'cried to him to stop seeing our children' to which he did.

I contacted the police, who are apparently investigating however she is now 16 and is 'in love with him' so I don't think there it is a legal matter anymore. - just morally wrong.

His mum has now wrote me a letter pleading with me to see my children as their dad has now moved out of her home and moved in to his girlfriend's family home. They are now engaged in less than a year. She's 16 he is 31.

His mum has said she didn't get the chance to explain to me that - the girl has severe mental health problems (which I have reason to believe) but that the girl also has borderline personality disorder? and is a compulsive liar.

I noticed how she once again didn't say anything about her adult son.

If you were in my position would you stop all contact with his side or allow the children contact with their nan as they do love her. TIA

OP I think a lot of the advice you are getting (including my earlier post) was before the further information about the gran's complicity....

Yeah, the OP's series of posts have been a real drip-feed so I don't stand by my previous advice either!

OP, the most important people here are your DC and if seeing their grandma is going to exacerbate their trauma and remind them about their dad, who upped and left and devastated them, then I wouldn't be rushing to accommodate her wishes. In addition, she lied to you and I don't know about you, but I fucking HATE being lied to - it completely breaks whatever bond of trust you had with that person beforehand. If someone lies to me, then from then on my willingness to do anything that's of benefit to them disappears.

So if you think your DC will benefit from seeing her and enjoy her company, I'd consider it, but if you think that seeing her will just bring up all the trauma of their Dad leaving, I'd tell her no and that that's why. You don't owe her anything.

Yep. As opposed to your wonderful insight?

I wouldn't let her see them. Purely to protect your children.

I haven't read your previous post but it sounds like mil was complicit in the beginning. She now seems to be blaming the girl, and not acknowledging that her son is a sexual predator who prayed on a vulnerable 15 year old child, and then abandoned his own children. I can't abide paedophile sympathisers. She simply isn't a safe person to be around.

If you do decide to let her see them, please enforce some strict rules. All interactions will be supervised by you, in a public place where you can make a quick getaway if needed. No mention of their father or this girlfriend. I'd be worried she'd downplay what he did or upset the children in some way.

Thank you all. It's such a difficult decision maybe time will help me decide what's best to do going forward. It was the girls mum who authorised the trip. But yes his mum has been an enabler all his life and I do feel she has downplayed what he has done - to the point where I was feeling utterly outraged and now I'm feeling like maybe I over exaggerated and what my ex has done isn't as bad as I initially felt. The police not doing anything has also made me feel I have over-reacted. And the girl is happy especially now he has moved in.
I do sometimes feel like having a clean cut of them all as their dad is SO toxic. But they do love their nan and cousins on that side.

I guess it's gaslighting, from them all, including the girl. Does it seem like that to anyone else? Finding out that my children's father has a sexual interest in a child has shaken me up so much. It even feels crazy to write that.

Thank you so much for your comments they have helped me greatly, I really do my best to give my children a healthy and good quality of life despite not having parents myself (death/abandonment) and I take accountability for having children to someone like him I should have done better for myself and my children I didn't know better and I was naive but I now know much better. I just honestly want the best for my children.

It sounds like a clean break would be best. His mum was complicit in his abusive relationship with a child?

It happens.. There was a boy in my sons class at primary school. Mum was 15 when she got pregnant and 16 when she give birth, The dad was 58! Her parents facilitated the relationship. It's so wrong.

I wouldn't. She raised this shitshow. Do you really want that in your kids lives?