It’s hard to believe it at the time but it WILL honestly get better. My son is almost 18 months and it’s still hard work but NOTHING like the newborn stage. I definitely think it’s the broken, lack of sleep that does you in.
I bought the Baby Bjorn Mini Carrier. It was really easy to get on and off without help. I would put my baby in it and go for an hour long walk listening to a podcast or voicenote messages from my work friend (these were a GODSEND. I don’t know if she realises how much of a lifeline it was just hearing her chat away about the school, what she was up to, the dogs, her own experience of newborn life etc. And I’d then voicenote her back). I’d do this in winter too and just put on a huge puffy coat or take an umbrella. Baby had reflux so until we got gaviscon he went through a phase of being sick constantly or crying when laid flat but would nod off immediately in the carrier.
Walks with the pram -again listen to music or a podcast or audiobook or just enjoy the fresh air. Bonus if you can find someone else nearby on Mat leave. I found a group of about 6 of us with babies born within weeks of each other, so it was usually easy to find a friend to go out with. People are more honest in person than they are over group chats about new motherhood btw!
The Huckleberry app is quite good for info on sleep/naps in terms of wake windows once baby is a little older. It might give you some reassurance for the future!
12 weeks seemed to be the gamechanger for us (and lots of other people). We went from enduring screaming fits from 5pm-8pm (every.single.night.) to a much happier baby. So much is linked to their wee digestive systems! Then once we got gaviscon, raised the top of his cot and pram etc. we also noticed a huge improvement.
Our son didn’t start “sleeping through” (7pm-5am) until he was about 12 months old. Prior to that he was still waking once from about 6 months onwards. Then at about 14 months he started doing 7pm-6am/7am. Some people “get lucky” with sleep -we tried everything, got advice from everyone, read up on sleep, and eventually I just said enough was enough and he’d start sleeping through when he was ready. And he did!!
Just know you aren’t alone or a bad mum. The newborn stage is brutal. There’s no other word for it. I did the sobbing/shouting at him too, I thought horrible things, fantasised about my “old life”, cried in the shower so no could hear me… and I still loved my baby. Sleep deprivation is horrific. Once baby starts sleeping longer stretches (by which I mean you get a 4 hour stretch, wake up, another 3-4 hour stretch) you will be AMAZED at the difference. Your body does also adapt to the new sleep pattern. I went back to work when baby was 8 months and I look back now and think “how was I managing on 6-7 hours of broken sleep??” but you do.
And it’s okay if you’re not enjoying it. My husband and I are loving the toddler stage but will never do the baby stage again. Everyone’s different and that’s okay!