Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Really struggling

93 replies

Cheesytoaster · 08/11/2023 21:26

I am extremely exhausted and run down. My LO (who is 14 months) has been waking up frequently about 3/5 times at night for the past 10 weeks. Ever since he started nursery at the end of Aug, his bedtime has been horrendous. I’m at a complete loss on what to do, every night my anxiety is rocket high and I can’t relax because I often wait until he wakes up crying and screaming.
My husband has been seeing to him more when he wakes up due to me being so run down and unwell.

We rock him to sleep because every time we tried to ‘sleep train’ using the Ferber method, he would be hysterical and end up being sick from crying and coughing so much.

He used to be a good sleeper and I just don’t know what has happened. We haven’t changed our routine - we had a routine since he was 6 weeks old.

I really don’t know what to do and don’t know why this has been ongoing for so long…

I’m really, really struggling.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MsChatterbox · 08/11/2023 21:40

Is it possible he's experiencing separation anxiety? Could you cosleep? Either in your bed or you put a bed in his room?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/11/2023 21:41

What is the routine?

Givemepickles · 08/11/2023 21:44

It's good you've noticed the link with starting nursery. How many days does he go? Is he overtired by bedtime? How are his naps? What is his sleep like at the weekend when there's no nursery?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Sunshineclouds11 · 08/11/2023 21:46

What's his current routine

Cheesytoaster · 08/11/2023 21:47

MsChatterbox · 08/11/2023 21:40

Is it possible he's experiencing separation anxiety? Could you cosleep? Either in your bed or you put a bed in his room?

I would've thought by now that he would be used to the adjustment/change with nursery. We never really did Co-sleeping as I didn't want him getting used to it but recently, he's been waking up so much that either I or my husband will start off by sleeping with him in his room on the armchair or if it's around 4:30/5am, we would bring him into our room so we could get at least a couple of hours sleep. Today for example, he wasn't having any of it and we were up from 4:45am.

OP posts:
Cheesytoaster · 08/11/2023 21:48

Also, he will not settle unless we pick him up for a cuddle and hold him/walk around until he falls asleep.

OP posts:
fearfuloffluff · 08/11/2023 21:49

That sounds hard.

What does his nursery say about it?

There are quite a lot of other options between Ferber method, which is one of the more hardcore methods, and rocking to sleep. You could try sitting with him, patting him, etc and over time pulling back a bit further until he gets himself to sleep.

In your shoes I'd be wondering if nursery is just too full on and he's wired up, can you investigate local childminders as an alternative, or perhaps a more chilled out or smaller nursery?

Cheesytoaster · 08/11/2023 21:52

Givemepickles · 08/11/2023 21:44

It's good you've noticed the link with starting nursery. How many days does he go? Is he overtired by bedtime? How are his naps? What is his sleep like at the weekend when there's no nursery?

Our routine has been:
Snack when he's back from nursery, 5mins of playtime with dad while I prep the bath and his room
Bath 6:15
Milk 6:40
Book 6:50
Bed 7pm

Pre nursery, it used to be the same as above only we'd give him dinner at 5pm, walk 5:30pm, bath etc..

OP posts:
Sunshineclouds11 · 08/11/2023 21:56

Does he nap through the day?

What time is he home from nursery? 18:00?
Does he need more time to decompress from nursery than straight into bedtime routine and into bed?

Cheesytoaster · 08/11/2023 21:57

Givemepickles · 08/11/2023 21:44

It's good you've noticed the link with starting nursery. How many days does he go? Is he overtired by bedtime? How are his naps? What is his sleep like at the weekend when there's no nursery?

He goes to nursery 3 days a week; tues - thur. When he's at nursery, his naps average about 1h and he eats well when he's there.
When he's at home, his naps average around 1h30/2h though this makes no difference to his bedtime sleep because he still wakes up regardless how well/bad his naps have been.

We have lots of playtime and walks when he's not at nursery and eats well-ish (lunchtime has been hit and miss... mainly miss!)

OP posts:
Wavescrashingonthebeach · 08/11/2023 22:01

My only advice is to comfort as much as possible and co sleep if you are all comfortable with it. It doesn't mean forever. Mine has been in and out of my bed since he was 6 months old. I love co sleeping. Sorry if that's not the advice you wanted to hear.
14 months old is a difficult age. Mine was a bad sleeper at that age. Could LO possibly be teething too???

Cheesytoaster · 08/11/2023 22:04

fearfuloffluff · 08/11/2023 21:49

That sounds hard.

What does his nursery say about it?

There are quite a lot of other options between Ferber method, which is one of the more hardcore methods, and rocking to sleep. You could try sitting with him, patting him, etc and over time pulling back a bit further until he gets himself to sleep.

In your shoes I'd be wondering if nursery is just too full on and he's wired up, can you investigate local childminders as an alternative, or perhaps a more chilled out or smaller nursery?

I always get feedback from nursery on his day and they always seem really positive. We went to view a handful of nurseries and due to the exceptional reviews and recommendations from colleagues and friends, we chose this particular nursery for those reasons (also cos I love they have a no shoe rule indoors!)
It's not a huge nursery, it's a converted house and I think there's about 5 other toddlers in his class which is their max limit. He absolutely loves it there - everytime we receive updates, he's interacting and engaged with all the activities and I thought he would be worn out by the time he is home but it seems the complete opposite. He shows all the signs of being tired; crying, fussing, whinging... after his bathtime is a battle. Trying to get him dressed (this has always been the case) then the dreaded bedtime and constantly night wakings... and then it's rinse and repeat.

OP posts:
Cheesytoaster · 08/11/2023 22:07

Sunshineclouds11 · 08/11/2023 21:56

Does he nap through the day?

What time is he home from nursery? 18:00?
Does he need more time to decompress from nursery than straight into bedtime routine and into bed?

According to the updates from nursery, yes.

He's home around 5:45pm. And from there, he has a snack. It's a challenge trying to decompress because he will whinge and rub his eyes which is why we do bedtime from around 6:15/6:30pm. He won't sit still because he is constantly whinging, throwing himself back, arching his back and kicking his legs.

He never used to be like this and I don't know what has happened or what I am doing wrong. My body feels like it is shutting down, without exaggerating, I'm extremely run down and I'm finding this really difficult.

OP posts:
Cheesytoaster · 08/11/2023 22:12

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 08/11/2023 22:01

My only advice is to comfort as much as possible and co sleep if you are all comfortable with it. It doesn't mean forever. Mine has been in and out of my bed since he was 6 months old. I love co sleeping. Sorry if that's not the advice you wanted to hear.
14 months old is a difficult age. Mine was a bad sleeper at that age. Could LO possibly be teething too???

When we bring him into our bed, it can either be:
He falls asleep or
He will not sleep

This morning was the latter. He didn't want to sleep. He kept whinging so we ended up putting some t.v on for him at 4:45am.

We've tried to shh and pat his butt when he is in his cot but he has none of it, he will cry and scream and just sit back up crying and crying until we pick him up. Then when he falls asleep with us cuddling him, as soon as we transfer him back into his cot, he will wake up and repeat the above. It's relentless.

We did put it down to teething and we usually give him teething powder before bed. We put calpol vapour plug in as well due to his constant cold. Basically, we try to make him as comfortable as possible but it seems that nothing, NOTHING is working and I just feel breaking down and running away.

OP posts:
Tiredpigeon · 08/11/2023 22:32

I remember my ds being like this. He was usually very overtired and overstimulated from nursery. I found making bedtime a bit earlier and not bothering with the bath helped. We ended up just giving him porridge and watching cbeebies, so very low key. He'd still be up v early, but he would sleep through more regularly. Hang in there, this doesn't last forever even though it feels like it will (ds now a strapping 17 year old!).

Orangeslush · 08/11/2023 22:36

Do you feed him when he wakes up? He’s probably starving. They get quite small portions at nursery even when they have seconds. With my dc I’d give them a snack when they got home or dinner if they wanted it and on nursery days when they woke in the night, a big bottle of milk to get back to sleep. Always did the trick.

Orangeslush · 08/11/2023 22:39

Seems counterintuitive to feed again when you’ve just mainly weaned them off the milk but I think it can definitely be a hunger thing. That’s often why they wake early at that age too.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 08/11/2023 22:45

Cheesytoaster · 08/11/2023 22:12

When we bring him into our bed, it can either be:
He falls asleep or
He will not sleep

This morning was the latter. He didn't want to sleep. He kept whinging so we ended up putting some t.v on for him at 4:45am.

We've tried to shh and pat his butt when he is in his cot but he has none of it, he will cry and scream and just sit back up crying and crying until we pick him up. Then when he falls asleep with us cuddling him, as soon as we transfer him back into his cot, he will wake up and repeat the above. It's relentless.

We did put it down to teething and we usually give him teething powder before bed. We put calpol vapour plug in as well due to his constant cold. Basically, we try to make him as comfortable as possible but it seems that nothing, NOTHING is working and I just feel breaking down and running away.

Oh dear. Bless all of you. The sleep deprivation is awful isn't it. Just hang on in there it will get better soon. Mine was definitely a really poor sleeper at that age and he wasn't even going to nursery.
It used to take him ages to get him to sleep at night and he would wake multiple times in the night.
It will pass x

DustyBinCat · 09/11/2023 01:18

Try a protein based food at bedtime and the sleep to wake method…for instance, if he wakes at 12, wake him (gently) just before that time to correct his sleep pattern.

sandyhappypeople · 09/11/2023 01:54

We had a similar problem when our DD turned 11 months, she slept well up to that point, always had to cuddle her to sleep then transfer her in and she would normally have just one wake up a night, so we'd feed, cuddle, sleep, easy.

Fast forward to 11 months and all hell broke loose for no apparent reason, she started waking up as soon as putting her down, or 45mins later, or 2 hours later, basically she was up and down like a yoyo and taking longer and longer to cuddle to sleep, and it was always me she wanted, not DH, I work around my partners shifts and often don't go to bed till 2am, so was getting about 3 hours sleep a night and dead on my feet, heading for breakdown.

One evening my sister popped round, DD woke up and she offered to go up to her, obviously she was still crying 5 mins later so I went up, then as soon as I picked her up off sis she immediately stopped crying, no tears or shuddering, just stopped like turning off a tap.. I knew then that she was just doing it to get me to go to her and she wasn't actually upset.. and something in my mind changed, in that moment I understood her need for wanting to be with me, but also understood that my need to sleep and function was now more important than that, so the next night I decided to sleep train via CIO, I researched and I new ferber would confuse her, so I did the exact same routine but instead of sitting in the chair cuddling I put her in bed and kissed her good night and left her. She cried for 15 minutes at the bars, then lay down and went to sleep for 12 hours straight, I couldn't believe it, it went on like that for a week, day 4 was the worst, about 35 mins, but apparently they go 'all in' before they finally give up, but after a week, she was going to bed with a smile, and sleeping through every night till at least 7am.. it was BLISS, and she was happy! she was happier/less niggly in the day as she was more rested.

The only thing you have to watch is your last wake window.. you have to make sure it's sufficiently long enough so you're not trying to get them to sleep when they're not tired enough, otherwise it's unfair on them I think, we always adjusted her bedtime to match her optimum wake window after that and she dropped all naps before she was two anyway so was always ready for bed.

A lot of people think CIO is cruel, and I was one of them, but to be honest our DD cried collectively more throughout the night at various points, before the sleep training then she ever did during. Obviously not all children respond the same, and you have to hold your nerve, but I don't regret it for a second. It was a literal game changer for us.

roseheartfly · 09/11/2023 04:34

Hello.

What naps is he having at nursery?
My 18mo has 'double dinners', so we feed him when he gets in, as the last nursery meal is around 4-4.30pm. Hunger can lead to a bad night and frequent wakings.

He also has oat milk if he wants it.

White noise and a red light in the room.

We don't have time for a book as he's usually ready for bed - points to it or leans to it.
We start bath at 7 and in bed by 7.30pm. He gets a nice long play in the bath.

He sleeps 11/12 hrs .

My advice?

Check naps - ensure they are enough and or not too much and no later than 4.
Make sure he's had enough to eat
Push bed time so he has more time to play and unwind after the nursery.

You've got this.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 09/11/2023 04:38

I remember this well, OP and I'm sorry you're going through this.

This stage is so tricky with teething, colds & viruses. To be honest the only thing that helped us was co sleeping. We would still do DD bed bath & milk every night before bed and put her in her own cot, but then she'd wake up sobbing so we just brought her in beside us and DP would sleep on the sofa.

She's now coming up for 20 months and now sleeps 7-6:30am with 2 hour afternoon nap.

It does get better. You're just unfortunately right in the thick of it.

Pizzaandsushi · 09/11/2023 06:13

It’s almost certainly a combination of overtired, overstimulation and hunger.
we deal/dealt with the same thing with my 20 month old.
he never naps as well at nursery so I know it will be a fight getting him to sleep because he’s so wired. Things have improved as he’s grown and getting used to dealing with such large wake windows but illnesses and teething always throw a spanner in the works too.
my toddler also has “second” dinner. They eat at 3-3:30pm at nursery and I used to do just a snack around 6 and he’d wake up loads from 3am onwards and be up for the day 5am.
he now gets a proper dinner at 6pm (as late as possible) plus a bedtimes drink of milk to see him through. Helped massively.
He is on a one nap schedule even at home now (they moved him to one at nursery too early imo) so when he would wake before 6, I’d always try and squeeze in a nap. Even now at 20 months if he’s awake before 5am, I fit in a nap. Even if it’s only a 20 minute snooze, it really helps him get through to the lunchtime nap and not be so overtired at the end of the day.
I’d skip bath time too. Even if you have to take him up super early and he takes forever to fall asleep. They need the wind down time. Some times I can be with mine an hour before he drops off when it’s been a bad nap day. I used to have to persevere with on off rocking for hours at 14 months. It was horrible. Now he will stay in his cot but I have to be in the room with him (we have a single bed next to his cot). I dare not leave the room before he is a sleep because he screams until he’s sick. It’s really really tough but it will get better with time. In just the last month I’ve seen massive improvements with my toddler and now he wakes 1-2 times on average usually from digestion discomfort or illness.

Tiredbehyondbelief · 09/11/2023 06:18

Baby Wisperer Solves All Your Problems book (with yellow cover) has been a life saver for me. She gives advice for slightly older children too. She used to work as a neonatal/paediatric nurse

Tiredbehyondbelief · 09/11/2023 06:19

Further to the earlier message... so she understands and gives good advice on routines and to solve the kind of problems you are experiencing

Swipe left for the next trending thread