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Original poster

Nearly 4yo DS was so horrible to me this morning...

58 replies

Lollyloup83 · 08/11/2023 16:53

He was acting up, not allowing me to get him changed, refusing to eat breakfast at the table, moaning and whining and saying stuff like "you're not coming to my party" which is his usual type of thing.

But then, he said "well I'm going to stare at you then!" And he stared at me like an adult trying to scare me - it was horrible and I've been really shaken by it all day.

I know people will say in overreacting but I'm starting to wonder if my DS is just a horrible person. Has anyone else ever felt the same?

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Rjahdhdvd · 08/11/2023 17:02

My DC does this and I make the effort to laugh and say their face is my face passed down to them and they can’t scare me with my own face. It’s whatever will get a reaction, at 3/4 they aren’t horrible and don’t even really mean it . I particularly find it hard when they say they don’t like me (no idea why that triggers me) and will just say ok and move on.

SeulementUneFois · 08/11/2023 17:02

Definitely lots of people will be around in a minute to tell you that you're being silly, he's just a child etc.

However there are lots of horrible people in the world, depending on your political views from Boris to Putin, plus all the abusive men we read about on MN every day.
They didn't become horrible on their 18th or 25th birthday.

Some are congenitally so - born this way.

crimsonleaves · 08/11/2023 17:03

Where did he learn that?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

4 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting
Rjahdhdvd · 08/11/2023 17:04

I’d counter @SeulementUneFois by saying it’s the environment a child grows up in that makes them horrible so as long as you’re looking after your child and for you to be worrying about this I would make a good bet that you are then don’t worry

OhComeOnFFS · 08/11/2023 17:04

I wouldn't have looked at him while he was doing that - it's a horrible thing to day and I wouldn't want him to feel he was controlling me.

Who else does that in your family?

Mintearo7 · 08/11/2023 17:07

Did you point out that just staring is an unacceptable way to treat people? He’s just testing the boundaries, just tell keep pointing out where the boundary is, impact on others feelings etc, punish where needed and it will come good. I’m sure my ds tried stuff like this at 3, but a 5 he’s never really malicious.

Hubblebubble · 08/11/2023 17:09

@Rjahdhdvd my mother and her sister were both raised the same way. One is horrible and one isn't. Some people are psychopaths. It's a neurodiversity, nothing to do with how a person is raised.

CountryStore · 08/11/2023 17:10

A 3 year old stared at you? And you've been shaken all day? 😳

Hubblebubble · 08/11/2023 17:10

Not saying that's the case with OPs little boy!

Thesearmsofmine · 08/11/2023 17:10

He’s 3, I would have pulled a silly face to make him laugh and break any tension and got on with our day.

Three year olds can be hard work but I wouldn’t worry about this at all.

Littlelucas · 08/11/2023 17:12

Well why did you sit there and stare back? Just walk off when he's being horrid next time and carry on with your day. You are obviously giving him the attention he wants which is fuelling it.

Lol at the poster comparing him to a future Vladimir Putin!😂

Ididivfama · 08/11/2023 17:13

He’s doing everything in his power to be in control. Was he especially frustrated this morning?
if this is the worst he does I think you’ll be ok 🤣

WhycantIkeepthisbloodyplantalive · 08/11/2023 17:13

Presumably when somebody is unhappy with him they have looked at him in a disapproving way and he is mimicking it. I wouldn't worry about it at this age.

Ididivfama · 08/11/2023 17:14

CountryStore · 08/11/2023 17:10

A 3 year old stared at you? And you've been shaken all day? 😳

I find the hitting and biting harder 🤣 or the
‘I want you to die’. (when very overwhelmed/ASD meltdown).

Lelophants · 08/11/2023 17:14

WhycantIkeepthisbloodyplantalive · 08/11/2023 17:13

Presumably when somebody is unhappy with him they have looked at him in a disapproving way and he is mimicking it. I wouldn't worry about it at this age.

Probably the look you give him without realising

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 08/11/2023 17:14

He's trying to get a reaction and he's succeeding. Next time, say 'Staring is a silly thing to do!' and go off and do something else.

PosyPrettyToes · 08/11/2023 17:20

My DS is profoundly autistic. He bites, he kicks, he rips my hair out at the roots. It has never once occurred to me to think he's a horrible person, and tbh that's a really weird reaction to have to your very young child. Of course he's not a horrible person. He's a threenager, and you are wildly projecting here.

pelargoniums · 08/11/2023 17:22

With my DD she knows I’m touched out by the baby and generally want space, so when she wants to be horrible, she rubs herself on me. Or corners me and presses herself against me. It’s horrendous. But also 100% about attention: even bad attention like being shouted at or disciplined is good, because it’s attention. The only way I managed to dissuade her from it was to ignore it every time it happened, just pretend it wasn’t happening, zero reaction. Then at other times seek her out and lovebomb her (even when I’d have preferred to be alone in a dark cave). Little kids are horrible: they lack empathy and they’re selfish. Doesn’t make them psycho, just makes them… little kids. Their brains are just mad blancmange at this stage.

Dacadactyl · 08/11/2023 17:24

CountryStore · 08/11/2023 17:10

A 3 year old stared at you? And you've been shaken all day? 😳

Lol. Bless you OP, you'll have to toughen up before the teenage years!

Spinet · 08/11/2023 17:25

Maybe he is just a horrible person. So what? He still has to eat breakfast at the table.

The chances are though he's just a normal 4 year old. They are quite horrid, 4 year olds, to be honest, because they are utterly self-centred but are starting to understand the world around them a bit. That includes the fact that giving mummy the evils gets a reaction.

LBFseBrom · 08/11/2023 17:28

The only time my child was ever grumpy was when he was sickening for something. Maybe that is the same for your son. Was it a one off?

FloweryPumpkin1 · 08/11/2023 17:29

Mine does things like this occasionally, it just needs a brisk 'that's very rude, I think I'll go and do xyz until you're ready to be nice to me' and walk away for a couple of minutes. He'll soon learn that pleasant behaviour equals positive attention, but you won't sit around being an audience for rudeness.

I wouldn't worry that he's horrible, this sounds like normal 4yo crabbiness to me!

Oliotya · 08/11/2023 17:29

Honestly, 3 year old boys are awful. My almost 4 year old DS can be a menace. But, truly, a 3 year old isn't capable of being horrible. He's just testing boundaries and, likely copying something he's seen someone else do.

RandomUserName11 · 08/11/2023 18:21

Are we really comparing a 3 year old boy to Putin? Grin

I'd have just said ' well you're being very silly' and laughed and wandered off

I don't think I'd have been shaken all day

Ballsbaill · 08/11/2023 18:26

I'd laugh in his face at the staring.

As for the party I did child care for a horrendously spoilt bratty 3 year old in my early 20s.

He said the same...you can't come to my party, I kept my face and tone neutral and replied I don't want to come to your stupid party. He said it's not stupid and never said anything like it again.

Your kid knows you get to him. You're paying for the party so say you won't have a party at all then and move on, carry on with day. Break fast goes in the bin if he won't come to the table.