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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Nearly 4yo DS was so horrible to me this morning...

58 replies

Lollyloup83 · 08/11/2023 16:53

He was acting up, not allowing me to get him changed, refusing to eat breakfast at the table, moaning and whining and saying stuff like "you're not coming to my party" which is his usual type of thing.

But then, he said "well I'm going to stare at you then!" And he stared at me like an adult trying to scare me - it was horrible and I've been really shaken by it all day.

I know people will say in overreacting but I'm starting to wonder if my DS is just a horrible person. Has anyone else ever felt the same?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

caramac04 · 09/11/2023 10:30

I would have laughed at him staring and withdrew my attention. However I would be hyper alert to any positive behaviour and reward with attention.

BertieBotts · 09/11/2023 10:40

Ididivfama · 09/11/2023 10:09

No I’m not. There are some very clear signs without global delay that are more than just ‘challenging behaviour’. Extreme repetitive behaviour, stimming, sensory overload, inability to interact socially appropriately. I can go on. If you have a child like this you can spot them a mile away from a group of NT children. You can get a private assessment that is done much more quickly than the NHS but is also accepted by the NHS and means the child can have a better start at school and life.

Dont know anything about autism with the OP’s child. The whole thread seems very silly. This is in answer to your post about asd children generally.

Show quote history

I think you're missing the point of what I'm saying. I'm saying that OP, as a layperson, a parent to one child, who admits that she "struggles to know what's standard" should not rule out ASD or ADHD because it is unlikely that she has the necessary experience to say that for sure.

The majority of children with ASD or ADHD are not diagnosed until later - usually during primary school. But also many people go undiagnosed until puberty or even adulthood.

Perhaps if you put every child into a screening program you would pick every case up at 3/4 years old. I still think this is unlikely; I think many children would register "borderline/query" and it not be able to be confirmed until older.

PestilencialCrisis · 09/11/2023 12:15

If your child is behaving in a way you don't like, it is ok to send them to their room for 5 minutes to gather your sanity "mummy doesn't like being stared at, so if you want to stare, you can go to your room and stare at Teddy. You can come downstairs when you put your kind eyes back in your head".

Or give them a little job to do "ok, you stare at mummy, but you can pick up your toys while you do it"

Or just tell him "ooh, you've got such a lovely little face, I want to stare at you too" and I expect he will soon hide his face if he is looking to be uncooperative or you can blow raspberries or pull faces to diffuse the tension.

As difficult as it is, try to disengage or deflect. Remember that he wasn't choosing to hit you or destroy the house. All behaviour is communication and he was trying to tell you he wasn't happy.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

4 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting

Maray1967 · 09/11/2023 12:49

Mine almost pulled my hair out and told me he hated me at about three and a half. He’s 23 now, and perfectly well adjusted!

Try to do better than I did. Try to stay calm, walk away, make light of it, don’t rise to it or be overly worried about it. My response 20 years ago was to smack him on the legs. Not recommended now.

namechange1986 · 09/11/2023 16:30

Do you have other examples? I'm failing to see how he's been classes as so naughty from this...

Dominoeffecter · 09/11/2023 16:37

Ballsbaill · 08/11/2023 18:26

I'd laugh in his face at the staring.

As for the party I did child care for a horrendously spoilt bratty 3 year old in my early 20s.

He said the same...you can't come to my party, I kept my face and tone neutral and replied I don't want to come to your stupid party. He said it's not stupid and never said anything like it again.

Your kid knows you get to him. You're paying for the party so say you won't have a party at all then and move on, carry on with day. Break fast goes in the bin if he won't come to the table.

Hope you’ve changed career

SeulementUneFois · 10/11/2023 01:38

SleepingStandingUp · 09/11/2023 10:13

Nonsense. Children aren't born evil. You're basically saying well people like that Adolf, it wasn't really his fault was it, he had that genocide gene on his 14th chromosome. You know it makes them a little extreme!!

Some kids have shit childhoods which causes emotional damage that will never be repaired because they never have the right support.

Some kids will be raised with love in a good home and will go on to be bad people.
Some people will just make bad choices that have severe consequences.

Show quote history

@SleepingStandingUp
Personality disorders such as psychopathy are in a significant proportion of cases congenital. Related to differences in the amygdala/the limbic system.

ImustLearn2Cook · 10/11/2023 02:12

@Lollyloup83 Your son is nearly 4 (I am not sure from your Op if he is closer to 31/2 or just 1 or 2 months away from turning 4).

But anyway he isn’t a toddler anymore he is preschool age (3-5) and that is a different stage of development. Googling difficult toddler behaviours might not help.

I am not sure from your Op if him not letting you get him changed meant that you were trying to dress him. But if so, he probably wants to dress himself and exercise his autonomy.

And he is still learning how to regulate his emotions and communicate. He probably speaks quite well but at his age he will still have trouble communicating exactly how he feels or what he is thinking.

You might be interested in reading this.

https://www.happyfamilies.com.au/articles/my-4-year-old-goes-from-angel-to-absolute-devilchild

My 4 year old goes from angel to absolute #devilchild

My four year old son is very sweet and lovable, but he can be very challenging – he goes from angel to absolute #devilchild. At kindy he doesn’t like following instructions. When pushed to conform he can lash out. He is really switched on and loves a c...

https://www.happyfamilies.com.au/articles/my-4-year-old-goes-from-angel-to-absolute-devilchild

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