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Original poster

Is it easier to go to 2 from 1 than it is from 0 to 1?

34 replies

minouminou · 10/03/2008 22:17

Just a response to the nursery thread, where the lady is due in Oct.
A few posters said it's easier to go from 1-2, than 0-1, and, as we're thinking about #2, and i've heard others say quite the opposite.
Just after a few experiences from people who've been there and done it....and added #3/4/5!!!
Thanks, guys.

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Monkeybird · 10/03/2008 22:19

yes: you know what to expect and the divide between childfree and parent is WAY wider than 1-2 children.

Now 2-3, that's hard...

ChasingSquirrels · 10/03/2008 22:20

for me it was far far far (ad infinitum) easier, even though ds1 was a very easy baby and ds2 was anything but.

unknownrebelbang · 10/03/2008 22:20

For us:

0-1 - a doddle, considering how life-changing having a baby is.

1-2 - damned hardgoing, not least because we had problesm with feeding.

2-3 - had to fit in, poor child had no choice because of family illness.

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stealthsquiggle · 10/03/2008 22:23

Yes, much easier - less of an adjustment and you have more idea what you are doing. It does have it's complications, though - I hadn't reckoned on quite how much DD would have to fit around DS's schedule (that will even up later, I am sure ). IMO that lack of 100% focus on LO makes you "parent" differently the second (or subsequent) time than you did for the first, whether you mean to or not.

pointydog · 10/03/2008 22:40

Much much harder for me.

I think you'll find it varies greatly from person to person. Also depends if you found it hard to go from 0-1.

neolara · 10/03/2008 22:48

I think it depends on the babies. Both flippin' hard.

stiffit · 10/03/2008 22:51

2-3 easier than 1-2
1-2 is insanely hard imo

LynetteScavo · 10/03/2008 22:55

o-1 was easy peasy.

1-2 was OK

2-3 Don't go there!!

For me the problem was the age gap. I wish I had more than 2 years between 2 & 3.

AdamAnt · 10/03/2008 23:00

For me:

0-1 - easy peasy. DD was v easy baby

1-2 - 19 months gap. Extremely hard work (DD turned into utter maniac toddler)

Am planning on having a number 3 at some point, but am terrified at prospect of it being harder than going from 1 to 2.

AnotherFineMess · 10/03/2008 23:00

I found 0-1 easy because we were DESPERATE for our little girly, so I accepted all sleepless nights, cracked nipples, sick on clothes etc with the good grace of a person who has just been given the best present in the world. Also, I went in to it rested and healthy.

1-2 was harder initially as he was a (very welcome)surprise but the gap was a small-ish 11m so I was still recovering from DD and came down with a horrible virus and post-viral stuff for 3 months before and about 4 months after he was born. I found it hard and thought at times that I'd ruined our happy family - feeling guilty to both children because I wasn't anything near 'Supermum' this time round. I felt less confident in my ability to look after 2 than I ever had with 1 and got all the first-time mum nerves this time round.

Now that DD is 3 and DS is 1 I have adjusted and LOVE having 2 children, think the size of the gap is great and wouldn't change a thing.

There are so many variables which can affect your experience of going from 1-2 that I don't think you can predict it, but I guess that you can count on some times of thinking you must be mad, some times of thinking that life doesn't get any better, and probably everything else in between!

AdamAnt · 10/03/2008 23:04

AnotherFineMess - totally agree with your 2nd para

JayneF · 10/03/2008 23:06

REfreshingly honest gals!

About to deliver second child, 17 mths after first. Any do's or don'ts on introducing new baby to such a very young sibling??

Wordsmith · 10/03/2008 23:11

1-2 was hard, took me 4 yrs to contemplate. Wouldn't have countenanced doing it till the nappies/breastfeeding palaver was out of the way.
However no 1 was a big help with no 2 and sibing rivalry was less than I have seen in children with a closer age gap.
Have heard that 2-3 is a walkover but I am not having any more.

Lizzer · 10/03/2008 23:12

A gap of 8 yrs made it very much like starting over- blocked out forgotten so much of it, especially these hard first few months (oh but the smiles...)

However I'm eagerly reading any thread with toddlers and newborns in it as I'd love a smaller gap between next time....

Erm, I'm still searching to hear what I want to hear though

Lizzer · 10/03/2008 23:14

Oo a breakthrough, got any hard evidence for that last sentence Wordsmith?

AnotherFineMess · 10/03/2008 23:17

Ooh, exciting JayneF! We were advised to do the following and I can recommend it as it worked for us, no jealousy whatsoever (so far!):

  • make sure that the baby is in the cot when no1 arrives to visit so that you have your arms free for a massive cuddle. They'll know something momentous has happened and will have missed you,even though they're little, but the big cuddle seems to reassure them that they are still your baby too
  • a good present 'from the baby' waiting in the cot - we got DD a baby doll and accessories so that she could play along being a new mummy
  • expect and accept some regression to more baby-like behaviour for a few months
  • heap on the praise for any gentle interest in the baby
  • have a 'feeding box' of little, novel toys that no1 hasn't seen before and are reserved exclusively for when you're feeding baby so that feeding times are fun for no1 too.

This sort of small gap is, in my limited experience, bloody hard work for the first few months but then gets rapidly easier and loads of fun and remains that way until they're teenagers and starting fighting over clothes/friends etc!

Good luck

Joolyjoolyjoo · 10/03/2008 23:21

JayneF- my first 2 were 17mths apart, and it is a great age gap, IMO!! dd1 was too young to be really jealous and they both had naps (ah, those wonderful days!!) It was an easy transition, as I was still in baby mode when dd2 came along- ie the nappies and disturbed nights just went on, didn't have to get used to it again!! And now they are 4 and 2.5, they are great company for each other, and play pretty well together (and fight a lot too, though!) Now we have gone from 2-3, which has been relatively smooth, as ds is a dream baby compared to his sisters! The biggest downside as you have more, to me, is trying to get them all out of the house every morning! We have 2 dogs that need walked, so it's a major exercise to get them all dressed, fed, jackets, scarfs, gloves, hats, waterproofs, wellies, into car!! then do it all again at the other end! And once you have more than one, you never "nip" anywhere ever again! Good fun though! (In a slightly masochistic way!)

AussieSim · 10/03/2008 23:21

I found it harder going from 0-1 as I just had no clue and put myself under undue pressure. I was much more relaxed for no.2 and had learnt from my mistakes. I am a bit tense about going from 2-3 though, which I will be doing shortly ... Just because 1 and 2 have got stuff they need to do and places they need to be and no.3 is just going to have to be lugged around and to hell with a routine (and my sleep needs probably) ...

stiffit · 10/03/2008 23:21

I had an 18 month gap going from 1-2 and it was very tough, very tough indeed, giving time to both of them, in particular the toddler. There were cuddles and love from toddler to baby and so on but the routines, the squealing, the no time to oneself because if one was asleep the other was up.. it was hard. The new baby was a screamer which I think is what made it particularly tough. But you can't guarantee having a nice quiet baby second time around..

er no regrets of course.

stiffit · 10/03/2008 23:22

yup we had a dog too
nightmare
sorry

callmeovercautious · 10/03/2008 23:24

Great thread! DD is 18m and I am really torn - I would love more DCs but she has been hard work even though she was very much wanted and took a lot of hard work to get

Wordsmith - I am thinking of a similar gap - I am not young but have a bit of time so am considering leaving another until DD is at school FT. Good to know it worked for you.

I think it all depends on the individual Mum, Dad and LO and that is a matter of luck

JayneF · 10/03/2008 23:24

All brilliant mrs Mess,...thanks for that. Great tip re no 2 in cot to free up cuddling arms....

Await the teenage years with anticipation and your tips in due course!!

stiffit · 10/03/2008 23:28

don't worry aussie, 2-3 is much easier

the two older ones can play while you feed and faff about with the baby

3rd baby more relaxed due to being expected to fall in with everyone else rather than run the household iyswim

i would have happily gone from 3-4 without trepidation

IndigoMoon · 10/03/2008 23:31

0-1 ok cos dd was great baby

1-2 very hard cos ds was much harder baby and had milk intolerance which we did not realise till he was a year old

enjoying him much more now he is no longer so whingy x x x x

AnotherFineMess · 10/03/2008 23:37

I'm getting ahead of myself with teenager tips JayneF, mine are only 1 & 3!

I was just casting my mind back to my own 13 years of great fun with my brother and sister (under 4 years between all 3 of us)then 6 years of trying to cause ABH to each other over nicked bodyspray, flirting-with-friends, and who-gets-the-best-bedroom wars. We like each other again now though (most of the time, until we do family holidays and revert to teenagers) and the proper adult, chosen friendships I have with my siblings now are another reason that I think small gaps are great.