Do you cry in front of your children?

[Maybemaybenot76]

Today I cried in front of my 3.5 year old. I’ve cried in front of him once or twice before, he always cuddles me and I explain that I’m just feeling a little bit sad and we talk about it being okay to feel sad and cry sometimes.

Today was one of those times, but he looked concerned and wouldn’t let me go. He darted to me to comfort me as soon as he saw I was upset.

I feel it is healthy to display emotions, but I also don’t want to traumatise him or cause any worries in him!

Do you cry in front of your children?

Never, I don't want them to feel frightened or like they're responsible for my emotional state.

Yes, I cry a lot and make no exception with my children. My two year old has seen me through a second pregnancy and just being soppy generally. I think if you can model that crying isn’t a crisis (especially for boys?) but just a range of expression, that is no bad thing. So long as your child knows they are not responsible for making you feel better, their concern is just natural and sweet.

yes of course, if needs be.

I cried in the middle of the night on Wednesday when a tornado struck our home shattering windows and lifting part of the roof off.

They are 13 and 17 and gave me a hug.

Its totally normal for them to understand you are human!

Yes occasionally, I also reassure my daughter that I am ok but something has just upset me and being sad is a normal reaction. Because it is. I understand kids get scared if you’re not in control but a brief cry is not that

Yes when my grandma passed. I was in bits so unavoidable. They have seen me stress cry as well. They just give me a hug and carry on. I think it helps them learn empathy.

Yes. They are teens now but over the years yes and there were two difficult periods when I cried a lot.

I’m a real tv crier. A sad movie / programme / even an advert can get me going! My DS used to feel stressed when I cried at films. I explained each time that it’s not because I’m sad, I’m just having a reaction to the thing on tv. It’s life and I don’t think I could have sheltered him from it, other than never watching a movie together!

My dad was a big movie crier too. He still is.

I also cried around my children when mother died. Not to them, but to my DH and they were in the room. I don’t feel bad about it, crying is nothing to be ashamed of, it’s a very normal human reaction - and something we all need to do sometimes.

no, I used to find it very distressing if my mother cried so try not to and take myself away for privacy if needed.

I'm really interested to read these responses. I don't think I ever have cried in front of DS (age 4) other than when he was a newborn or something. My DM never cried in front of me and I was brought up thinking that all displays of emotion were bad. I find it almost impossible to cry in front of anyone (I have weekly therapy and we have a long standing joke that my therapist has cried more in our sessions than I have). I don't want my DS to feel the same way though and I struggle to know how best to manage it. This thread is really useful for me.

That's nonsense.

It's fine to cry in front of children. It is important you give them context & explain, in an age-appropriate way, what's wrong. Children should know that's it's healthy & OK to show their feelings.

Of course they aren't responsible for making you feel better but crying doesn't have to mean that.

I was brought up thinking that all displays of emotion were bad.

That's sad 😟

You don't need to force yourself to cry though - if it happens naturally, that's fine.

You can still let your DC know how you are feeling, name your feelings & theirs & reassure them that it's ok to have different & challenging feelings.

I have, many times, in front of my 3yo DD. I always give her a simplified explanation of why I'm crying, like I'm tired or someone was mean at work or I hurt myself. I want her to know it's good to express your emotions and that I am only human too.

@Oatsamazing do you really cry if you're tired or hurt yourself as an adult? I genuinely can't think of a time when tears would come out for those reasons now I'm older. I wonder why

I definitely cried a fair amount when my dog died. I think it's really important that our children know we are human. That we have emotions and that emotions are not a bad thing and nothing to feel ashamed or scared of. I explained why I was sad and told him he can always tell or show me how he is feeling. I think it's so important personally.

I cry in front of my 5 and 7yr old boys. Crying is normal, emotions are normal. They also see me angry. I explain why Im sad or angry or annoyed or whatever the feeling is. This is on the 80/20 principle, 80% of the time I'm happy.

Yes I do. I never saw my mother cry and I was bought up to believe that crying meant you're weak. It took me a very long to accept myself and realise it's okay to be upset. I don't want dd to feel the way I did. All emotions are welcome in my house, learning how to handle them is an important life skill.

Once when I hurt myself. Never apart from that, I don’t think, and my dc are 15 and 18. It's very, very rare for me to cry though.

I probably have once or twice but tbh how much does one cry as an adult 🤔

Very, very occasionally eg when my parents died - but I don’t like to generally as I don’t want them to be upset or feel responsible for me.

I'd agree those are the reasons children cry. Strange for a grown adult.

I found it distressing when mum cried when I was young. She did it a lot and it was as if we'd done something wrong or upset her and that we'd have to comfort her and we didn't know how.

I'm not much of a crier, but yes I do cry in front of my children if I need to. Their dad is a wonderful man but not an emotional one, so I've always felt that I should show our boys my emotional side.

learning how to handle them is an important life skill.

I think this key.

My mother cried a lot. But in this private, horrible way. So many memories of her crying at the dinner table, often because of a row with my dad. She'd sit there crying silently, tears coming through her hands over her face. My father didn't know what to do so got defensive & withdrew. We children sat silently.

I would try to fix it, ask her if she was ok, follow her around, desperate for her not to be sad. As a mother now, I realise I probably drove her nuts.

It really affected me. She never explained or reassured me. And gave me no indication that she was able to deal with the situation.

As a mother now, I have cried a lot (single parent, abusive ex, some very hard times) and sometimes too much. I do feel bad about this. I've always talked about it; explained I was ok, and what I was going to do to make things better.

I haven't always got it right. I do think I've done reasonably well at letting my DC express & feel their emotions, though.

I definitely try to do that. I've learnt a surprisingly large amount from books like The Colour Monster and the way that my DS' nursery, and now school, approach emotions.

Absolutely. It’s good for them to see adults having emotions and being ok with them, and that they pass.

Yes, I do - I always explain why I cried to them. In the same way as I do if I become angry etc. I think it's better for them to see how I process my emotions.