Do you cry in front of your children?

[Maybemaybenot76]

Today I cried in front of my 3.5 year old. I’ve cried in front of him once or twice before, he always cuddles me and I explain that I’m just feeling a little bit sad and we talk about it being okay to feel sad and cry sometimes.

Today was one of those times, but he looked concerned and wouldn’t let me go. He darted to me to comfort me as soon as he saw I was upset.

I feel it is healthy to display emotions, but I also don’t want to traumatise him or cause any worries in him!

Do you cry in front of your children?

Well I cried when our cat was put to sleep. Our youngest, who was 5 at the time asked why I was crying, I replied it was because of the cat. "Well he was old" was her reply.

I cried when our eldest was offered a place at uni in London (amongst other offers). We're country mice and the thought of her in Central London filled me with dread. "It's fine mum" she said "Don't be upset, I'll take the place in Cheltenham, it's ok." I reassured her she should do what she wanted, and I wasn't about to clip her wings. She went to London and had a blast.

I cried one Christmas when both of my DC had made me such thoughtful and beautiful gifts. I never get thoughtful gifts from DH or anyone else so it was really special.

I'm not generally a crier, but I think it's pretty normal to cry in those circumstances. I don't feel weird about it.

My DD has seen me cry once (lasting over a week on & off until she asked me to stop😱) when our cat died. The next time she’ll see me cry is when our dog dies. Otherwise, up to now (she’s 7) I’ve not cried about anything else!

Yes, I can’t explain a sad news story without crying. Especially if it involves children. Also family deaths and funerals they’ve come to. I’m emotional and don’t apologise for feeling my feelings openly. Dc are not responsible for my feelings but they can understand them.

@Leo227 I think I can just cry very easily when I allow myself to. Usually for just a few seconds or if i'm talking about something emotional. I never cry at work but in the comfort of my own home I don't see a problem with it. I guess I was just brought up seeing it as normal.
I think crying releases feel good chemicals too, I always find it makes me feel better.

Not super often but occasionally yes. I try not to and try to hold back tears if I'm close to them - I'm a crier, so this isn't that infrequent sadly! I just seem to cry easily!

My DF told me as a child that the only acceptable reasons to cry are severe pain or if someone has died. He would berate me and my siblings if we cried.

I developed mental health problems as a teenager and used to self-harm. I think it would have been better if I'd felt able to cry in front of my DPs and be comforted instead of being alone with my tears and thoughts.

I cry in front of mine loads (youngest is 10) often when I'm watching a sad film/series. I thought no it is good for them.

To be honest I’m not sure it’s always possible to shield children from seeing you cry. Even if you shut yourself away to do it, it’s pretty obvious when you emerge that you’ve been upset. Kids are very perceptive!

be comforted instead of being alone with my tears and thoughts.

This line is really sad. Similar for me. I never got comfort from my parents - though I could tell them anything. My mother particularly was unable (and has got worse over the years) to be empathetic or comforting. It had a very bad effect on me, and I handled my own emotions poorly until quite a way into adulthood.

I'm sorry you experienced this 💐

I cry at al sorts of shit, the kids raise their eyebrows and say not again mum. It's soppy tv or emotional stories that get me and I'm in rea life a very resilient person.

I don't really cry much anyway, but I definitely avoid crying in front of my dc's if I can possibly help it.

My 8yo is a sensitive soul, and I know 100% that she would feel upset to see me cry, and also responsible for making me feel better. I just don't want to put that on her.

The last time I cried in front of my dc's was when they ran off in the split second that my back was turned and it took a little while (and asking for a lot of help from others) to find them. Obviously I was a mess, and when I was reunited with them it took me a few minutes to pull myself together. They hadn't done it on purpose, they were chasing after someone and thought I was following behind them. But my dd quite clearly blamed herself for making me cry and the guilt radiated from her for quite some time, no matter how much I tried to reassure her that everything was all okay. That incident has made me very wary of crying in front of them.

Yes whilst dealing with an unexpected divorce from their dad. There are no prizes in this life for not showing emotion or trying to prove that crying is a form of weakness. Why should I hide the hurt and devastation he caused. He broke my family and my heart. Better the kids see me crying than hear me call him all the names I wanted to

My best friend died, she wasnt even 38, I cried for a month.

My cat died and I cried 48 hours whilst she died in my arms.

And many more occasions.

I don’t like to generally as I don’t want them to be upset or feel responsible for me

but this doesn’t happen if you are open and honest. If I’ve had a shit day - work or whatever and something has tipped me over the edge, I’ve openly had a few tears. I just tell my daughter exactly that as an explanation. And that it’s normal to have a bit of cry sometimes and it makes you feel better. She gets it because, of course as a child, she does too- and when it happens I hug her and let her cry and she feels better. It’s a normal human emotion - and they need to learn it and be comfortable with it.

Yes whilst dealing with an unexpected divorce from their dad. There are no prizes in this life for not showing emotion or trying to prove that crying is a form of weakness. Why should I hide the hurt and devastation he caused. He broke my family and my heart

I disagree with this. Fine to cry because you’re feeling sad but not fine to let the kids know their dad has caused it. That’s unfair and damaging. He didn’t break the family he left you. I say this as someone this happened to.

I was a SAHM with v small children when my mum died. I definitely cried in front of them, I remember my youngest (about 20 months) offered me a rich tea when I was crying once!

I've also cried in front of them at my dad's funeral (they were 9 and 13) and MILs funeral a few years later.
DH cries at tons of stuff on TV, the kids (teens) roll their eyes at it, although we're watching SU2C tonight and both of us have shed some tears.

I cry all the time, in front of whoever is in my company. I do the same with laughing, Is that going to emotionally damage everyone too?!!! Life is never all good or all bad and it’s important to know how to deal with the not good bits by understanding your feelings & not being scared of them. Negative emotions can be overwhelming but understanding that they don’t last helps to build resilience.

Absolutely.
Our sons are 9 and 7… sensitive, sweet, gentle, and thoughtful.
They know that I’ll be perfectly fine after a bit. They know it just happens, sometimes. They often get extra thoughtful (or start cleaning up!), but they do the same when they know I have a bad headache… it’s a kindness response more than anything, because they know it makes me happy.
They will bring a blanket or ask if I’m okay. I’ve experienced health issues over the last 4 years or so that have come with a significant pain level at times, so it’s been part of their existence for half of their lives.
We also laugh together and smile together and joke together and talk together. They cry to me too. They’d do almost anything to make me feel better… and that’s because they love me and they’re little gentlemen who take after their Daddy, not because they are scared of my tears. And they know it’ll blow over soon enough!

I don’t agree - but then I wouldn’t cry after a bad day at work or let the day to day stuff affect me so much that I cry about it. I deal with things like that in a positive way - so while my kids might see me expressing my annoyance or whatever verbally (not shouting or screaming obvs) they’ll also see me working through it and finding a solution. The major things (which you didn’t quote from my post) like grief is very different of course, but I wouldn’t have sat in front of them and cried for my mum in the way that I did. That would have upset them far too much and I was not prepared to do that to my children, nor was it their role to try and make mummy better, that’s too much responsibility to put on a child’s shoulders.

I cry easily so it would be impossible for my dc to avoid it. I think it’s very helpful for dc to see emotions, and see the process of emotional regulation, and to learn how to be a part of that.

When grandpa died there were a lot of bouts of tears in our house - and a lot of cuddles and connection.

It’s a bit trickier if the reason behind the tears is more adult, eg a row with dh, where the resolution is a bit delayed. My instincts are to try and shield them from that. But it’s probably good for them to be aware that we sometimes have to have difficult conversations to resolve things, and that it’s not their job to solve it.

As long as there is a process of regulation, and resolution, I would guess that seeing a range of emotions is healthy and helpful.

I don't agree with this either. My Mum reacted similarly when my Dad left and its damaged my relationship with her irreparably.
She made me feel unable to have a relationship with my Dad without upsetting her further, I went through years of guilt, your post brings up some very negative feelings, please try to re think.
And my Dad was a sh*t by the way, its not that she was wrong. But he was still my Dad, a child's feelings towards their Dad leaving can't mirror a wife's feelings towards a husband leaving.

Yes of course. I think it's important to normalise all emotions - we aren't robots and they shouldn't feel like they need to be either.

Yes, I don't plan to but sometimes it's unavoidable like when my dog was pts, some arguments with my OH make me cry, also random things like I got the kids in the tv room to watch the announcement of the Queen dying (I felt it was a moment to remember) and then burst into tears unexpectedly (so that definitely made it one 😂)- they couldn't understand this so I explained why this was sad for me.

I think it's ok if you cry in front of your children, have your cry, explain why and move on.

Yeah of course

Crying because someone has died is one thing, but I do think crying in front of children because you are having relationship problems or arguments with their dad is really unfair and inappropriate. That must be so worrying and upsetting for a child and really confuses their loyalties.

I have a few times (hid it plenty more times). I just explained why , that I'm ok or will be and that it's ok to cry and let it all out. Came in handy when she went into the hormotional phase and knew that having a little cry and wait for it to pass was ok. The first time , crying and not knowing why made her cry even more.