Do you cry in front of your children?

[Maybemaybenot76]

Today I cried in front of my 3.5 year old. I’ve cried in front of him once or twice before, he always cuddles me and I explain that I’m just feeling a little bit sad and we talk about it being okay to feel sad and cry sometimes.

Today was one of those times, but he looked concerned and wouldn’t let me go. He darted to me to comfort me as soon as he saw I was upset.

I feel it is healthy to display emotions, but I also don’t want to traumatise him or cause any worries in him!

Do you cry in front of your children?

I'm not sure, I'm torn on this one. I get the need to show emotions and give children the message it is ok to cry. However I remember being deeply affected by times my mum cried when I was young and I can vividly remember them now and it made me feel awful.

All the time. I am autistic and cry really easily unfortunately and couldn't stop it if I tried. I tell them what's wrong if they ask aslong as it's appropriate in a child friend way "mummy feels sad because of blah blah". It's just how it is. It's a human emotion. I'd don't believe children need shielding from basic human emotions. People cry sometimes if they are sad or angry about something. I'd rather they saw crying then grow up thinking it's not ok to cry.

I cry more often than wade ripple, so our two would probably be concerned if I hadn’t cried about something that week.

Yep. Have you ever tried reading "paper dolls" without crying?! The first time I read it to DS, DH had to come and take over and he ended up crying too.

I don't cry much in front of him but do occasionally, much like I'm sometimes angry (like if someone has driven like a spanner in front of me). Emotions are just emotions - it's good to show our kids it's ok to have them, and it's good to find our own ways to deal with them in a way that's healthy. We can't be all sunshine and sparkles all the time.

Yes, sometimes I cry. I cried recently when I was in lots of pain, and another time when someone was dying.

I don’t feel the need to hide it as it’s a normal reaction to a situation. I think it’s important for them to know that I have emotional reactions too.

There’s a balance to be had I think. If you’re experiencing significant events like death or trauma then I think crying is normal, but there are times when it’s not appropriate to be crying in front of your child. I remember an incident on that programme ‘GPS behind closed doors’ when a woman was having a blood test and she’d taken her daughter in with her (who was old enough to stay in the waiting room with a book or her phone). She sobbed and wailed because she was scared of needles - poor little girl looked shocked and didn’t know what to do to help her mum and was obviously going to grow up thinking a blood test is a traumatic, agonising event. The nurse didn’t look too impressed either. I think as adults it’s up to us to manage our emotions in those types of situations and to our kids how to react in a positive and resilient way - but then SM is full of people sobbing about the most inane things, so it’s become normal for some people. DD works with a cryer who’s always up for expressing her emotions that way and it makes it very difficult for her colleagues as everyone is treading on eggshells all the time - it’s exhausting and unfair.

I'm not much of a cryer so no, I haven't cried in front of DD. Not because I'm holding it back, but because I don't feel like crying.

I'm always quite amazed at the number of women who cry 'all the time'. I'm clearly a cold hearted bitch as I really don't understand what they're crying about 🤷🏼‍♀️

Agree @EarringsandLipstick

@Raisinganiguana

Actually he left due to reasons specifically relating to the children. I'm not saying I sit there as a blubbering mess and then when my eldest asks say it's all down to their dad I'm saying if I'm feeling sad and low and I get upset I'm not going to hide it - when it first happened I couldn't anyway

No. But I'm not really a crier. Can't remember the last time I cried.

Yes. I was sobbing last month, had a breakdown in front of them. My eldest (16) held me and reassured me, the youngest children made homemade cards to cheer me up too. The tears kept flowing and I couldn't stop. Had no control over this.

I explain to them about the array of emotions that people feel in life. We speak openly about this. It's a rare occurrence that this happens for me but due to an accumulation of stressful events I couldn't take any more.

Having better days thankfully.

I did when he was a tiny baby a few times as hormonal/sad that his dad had just left me a few weeks before he was born.
Now, no.

Yes because I want to teach them crying is normal and okay and feelings should be expressed in healthy way, especially around loved ones

Everyday for me 😭

Yes, showing emotions isn't something you should hide. My daughter had a bad fall after swimming with the school, she hurt herself quite badly and struggled to get dry/dressed afterwards. As she was telling me this on the way home I couldn't hold back tears as it was distressing knowing that she had needed me, was hurt/wet/cold and I wasn't there there to help her.

I was in counselling at the time (hence being a bit over emotional) and I explained to the counsellor that week that I felt I'd let my daughter down by crying. The counsellor's opinion was that I'd shown my daughter that if you love someone it's normal to be upset that they are hurt. You don't always have to put a brave face on things.

My ds sometimes struggles with his emotions and he gets cross when he tears up for no reason. It definitely makes it easier that he's seen me cry, he understands that for some people it releases stress, which it does for me. He also understands that crying is nothing to be ashamed of, our bodies react, you can't always control tears. He's understood the concept from a a very early age.
He understands that tears and laughter can go hand in hand and emotions are to be experienced not shut in a box in your head, because that can cause much more harm then shedding a few tears.
We've recently had a family bereavement and yes I've been careful of exposing him to too much adult grief because that is a heavy thing, but then he's also experienced proper grief for himself for the first time and has handled it very very well, in part because we've made having feelings, big and small such a normal thing in our family.

No. My mum used to cry a lot in front of me as a child and I found it so stressful.

I remember my mum crying every time we made her read the little match girl. We made her read it a lot.

She was quite depressed at times when we were children but never cried. I always struggled to understand her at this time. I think if she had cried it would have been easier. Waking up to find her sat staring into space in the same chair she was in when we went up to bed was hard.

With my daughter I will be tearful and do low level crying infront of my daughter. If I was to uncontrollably sobbing I would step outside

No, I don't, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
They've had a rough few years because of their arsehole dad and some family bereavements. I'm scared that if they see me cry/down then they won't want to burden me with their own thoughts and feelings - I have pretty thoughtful kids and this is something they'd do. I obviously make sure they know it's healthy and natural to cry themselves.

I'm not counting films in this - I'm fine with them seeing me sob at tearjerkers on TV

I tend to cry with frustration, anger and stress rather than sadness.
My children have both seen me completely lose my shit and cry.
I'm not proud of this, I would rather I didn't, but it's part of the person I am.

I think they're both OK.

No. I was trapped, lonely and desperate for years and I begged for help and begged for help and nobody ever cared. So I never show weakness, never cry, never ask for help. I do give them all the love in the world though. They have also grown up tough and honestly it has helped them.

Yes because my dad dropped dead completely unexpectedly last year. He was only 64 and in apparently good health. I couldn't have prevented myself from crying even if I had wanted to, it was a massive shock and I did spend most of the first month sobbing throughout the days and nights.
I try and comfort myself thinking that altho it may have been scary for my children to see, they did also see the whole journey. How it gradually got better. How I kept going with the practical things and got through it. How kind and supportive their father was to me.. how helpful them being kind to me was. So they've seen first hand how difficult grief can be but also how to get through it. I think we are all closer as a family from how we banded together at this time. My kids expressed their own emotions and have always known it was OK to do this and that they'd receive comfort and support. Even tho I was a mess myself I did still make sure I was asking them if they were OK and asking how they felt. They were also close to my dad and I let them be as involved as they wanted to be with all the funeral and the plans moving forward, packing up the house etc.

Outside of that yes they have seen me cry when sad things happen in films.
My husband hardly ever cries. I've seen him cry once in our ten year marriage and it was actually about my dad's death as they were also close.
Part of me does worry that my son sees that my husband never cries and gets this wierd idea about men nor crying from it. That's not my husbands fault obviously he can't help how much he does or doesn't cry and he's a sweet compassionate man who does talk about his feelings. But I do already see my son actively tries not to cry or gets frustrated with himself when he does which I think is sad.

Yes, lots. Especially during the horrible phase of my 2 year old throwing things at me, hitting me and pulling my hair while pregnant. He did it because he thought it was funny but it hurt.

My kids were 5 and 7 when my parents died and they saw me cry a lot that year. If I made a rule of not crying in front of them, they would have barely seen me 😂 They were sad for me but they weren’t traumatised. They would cuddle me and say sweet things and then they would see that I stopped crying and got on with my day, ie that humans can sometimes feel deeply sad but it isn’t- for most people- a permanent state and we will feel better again soon afterwards.

Weirdly, they haven’t seen me cry since then because I don’t cry anymore. That year hardened me I think 😕

There is nothing wrong with tears. They are healthy and a surrender to the process of what is happening.

I was bought up with the don't cry attitude. People don't want you to cry cos they think they have to fix you.

I've had to learn to cry as an adult.

Your little boy looking concerned is not a bad thing. It means he had empathy and caring.

You can give him a cuddle after and thank him for caring. It's not about your tears. It's about how you communicate with your son about it.

I'm presuming this is the case in the sense for others reading as tears not being used in a manipulative way, which the op isn't doing.

Not showing healthy emotion in front of your children is very damaging