I'm in an abusive relationship, me and my partner moved in to the house he bought 1 day before induction. His behaviour changed the day we moved in.
i was a 2min walk from mils House and within a 4min drive was his entire family (its a big family). I felt very isolated because mil tried to be very kind to me but then always did something the next day, tell me she should get a say in the child because shes the nana. Pressuring me in to sleepovers with lo, then tell her family I'm not letting her be a nana so the they would all bring it up and say I'm being controlling of my child. Ringing 15x a day, none stop turning up. Asking her not to kiss my child's lips and does it again and again infront of me. Telling me I'm controlling my child and not letting partner look after lo, yet he REFUSED to do ANY thing for lo qhen I would beg and cry for him to just give me some damn eye contact and stop turning the telly up over my voice. She did a lot more but yh.
Her and her family have always acted like they've never done a thing wrong to me, despite them talking behind my back and many other things. Mil spreads lies to everyone about me and now when I see even the parts of the family I've had no conflict with, feel uncomfortable vibes. But if i say anything about it or show any dislike towards towards anyone, I'm a horrible person and after everything all the kind things she's done for me, how dare I spread lies about her.
my view of mil started warped because I was quite impressionable. I was young, I had an abusive mother growing up and so I was enabling their behaviour towards me without relising because I didn't know any different.
Partner would go to mils and lie about my reactions, he would bully me, laugh at me, mock me, refuse eye contact, sarcasm, stone wall me, gaslight me, tell me the things he did didn't happen and that I'm crazy. I don't wanna make it too long but he's a shit person, lacks empathy. He was also a very uninvolved dad, I did everything. But, mil believed him his every word. I tried reaching out to clear my name and tell the truth but no one qould hear me. she'd start spreading rumours about me being a good for nothing lazy mum, I spend his money and just sit at home doing nothing (I didn't see any of his money despite him earing a tone and spending every day doing things for him and the house). she'd gaslight me and turn all the things he'd do on to me, that because I'm lazy and abusive to HIM he isn't nice to me back. That I'm crazy and need help because all I do is lie, that I lie about everything and his son wouldn't lie and I'm a horrible person for hateing her for no reason. In text messages she'd even lie about the things she'd done to me, to create this image of me literally being so crazy and a pathological liar. She wanted me to belive that I'l don't remeber anything right too and feel like I'm the person she's painting me out to be. Everyone in the area thinks I'm abusive to him, "partner" took the computer away from me the other day because I didn't listen to him. He hid it at his mils House and they were all cheering him on for standing up for himself against me, saying that he is afraid of me and I control the house and him.
They are literally cheering his abuse towards me on.. I feel so alone :/
I got told I had ptsd from a doctor because of the abuse and that I never lied . Again she called me a liar and said its the abuse from my childhood that's makeing me crazy. Saying again that I'm the abuser, kept makeing up and so on. I've been suffering a lot mentally and they all used the house looking like a mess as a way way bully me and call me a lazy, bad mum and abusing partners kindness. It's the main comeback they use against me.
I think i just really wanted to be belived because no one around me did and I thought I had proof to shut their lies down, I was so wrong.
I didn't do anything wrong other than try to set boundaries regarding my child and she despised me for it.
Anyway, she has lo every Sunday. 5 weeks ago after a row with her when I told her about the ptsd. I said enough is enough. You cant all treat me like this then expect to happily come to my door and get my chikd? Where I am disliked and unwelcome, so is my child. If I can't even trust you not to tell a single lie, how can I trust u with my child?
She kept asking me over and over why I'm so nasty and would be so selfish on lo and her, when I'd answer she'd ask me again as if she was searching for the truth vecause apparantly I kept lying to her about the things she was doing to me. She kept telling me that she's never done a thing wrong to me and I attacked her first, that she's done so many kind things for me and all she's even been is good to me and now im showing my true colors by useing my child against her. That I'm cruel etc
I stood by ground but let lo go last Sunday because I was feeling so guilty as lo was asking me to visit, I didn't care about mil but hurting my child was never part of the plan.
It's Sunday today and she's asked again. Shes been acting like the kind woman again as if NOTHING happened.. messaging me normally, talking to me normally she got lo at the door the other week.
She was to take lo on a big drive away for pumpkin picking. I've had car safety issues with her and it's just the person she is, I don't like her. After everything she has done to me? Deep down I do trust her with lo and despite everything she is a good nana, I don't want fued to get in the way of haveing an involved nana but my god .. she is HORRIBLE to me. Its like, if I'm unwelcome and so disliked by a group of people why should I hand my chikd over to them?
What do I do? Just give in and let her have lo every Sunday. I havnt been able to take lo pumpkin picking this year either so I feel envy and jealousy that someone who has treated me so badly gets to do the very thing I wanted to do with lo, and that I am unwelcome and can't even go with them?
Sorry this was long, I dont know how to make it simpler as so much has happened. Im also not the best at writing and explaining so I do apologise