To say yes or no to mil takeing lo out pumpkin picking?

[Sophie1029734]

I'm in an abusive relationship, me and my partner moved in to the house he bought 1 day before induction. His behaviour changed the day we moved in.

i was a 2min walk from mils House and within a 4min drive was his entire family (its a big family). I felt very isolated because mil tried to be very kind to me but then always did something the next day, tell me she should get a say in the child because shes the nana. Pressuring me in to sleepovers with lo, then tell her family I'm not letting her be a nana so the they would all bring it up and say I'm being controlling of my child. Ringing 15x a day, none stop turning up. Asking her not to kiss my child's lips and does it again and again infront of me. Telling me I'm controlling my child and not letting partner look after lo, yet he REFUSED to do ANY thing for lo qhen I would beg and cry for him to just give me some damn eye contact and stop turning the telly up over my voice. She did a lot more but yh.

Her and her family have always acted like they've never done a thing wrong to me, despite them talking behind my back and many other things. Mil spreads lies to everyone about me and now when I see even the parts of the family I've had no conflict with, feel uncomfortable vibes. But if i say anything about it or show any dislike towards towards anyone, I'm a horrible person and after everything all the kind things she's done for me, how dare I spread lies about her.

my view of mil started warped because I was quite impressionable. I was young, I had an abusive mother growing up and so I was enabling their behaviour towards me without relising because I didn't know any different.

Partner would go to mils and lie about my reactions, he would bully me, laugh at me, mock me, refuse eye contact, sarcasm, stone wall me, gaslight me, tell me the things he did didn't happen and that I'm crazy. I don't wanna make it too long but he's a shit person, lacks empathy. He was also a very uninvolved dad, I did everything. But, mil believed him his every word. I tried reaching out to clear my name and tell the truth but no one qould hear me. she'd start spreading rumours about me being a good for nothing lazy mum, I spend his money and just sit at home doing nothing (I didn't see any of his money despite him earing a tone and spending every day doing things for him and the house). she'd gaslight me and turn all the things he'd do on to me, that because I'm lazy and abusive to HIM he isn't nice to me back. That I'm crazy and need help because all I do is lie, that I lie about everything and his son wouldn't lie and I'm a horrible person for hateing her for no reason. In text messages she'd even lie about the things she'd done to me, to create this image of me literally being so crazy and a pathological liar. She wanted me to belive that I'l don't remeber anything right too and feel like I'm the person she's painting me out to be. Everyone in the area thinks I'm abusive to him, "partner" took the computer away from me the other day because I didn't listen to him. He hid it at his mils House and they were all cheering him on for standing up for himself against me, saying that he is afraid of me and I control the house and him.

They are literally cheering his abuse towards me on.. I feel so alone :/

I got told I had ptsd from a doctor because of the abuse and that I never lied . Again she called me a liar and said its the abuse from my childhood that's makeing me crazy. Saying again that I'm the abuser, kept makeing up and so on. I've been suffering a lot mentally and they all used the house looking like a mess as a way way bully me and call me a lazy, bad mum and abusing partners kindness. It's the main comeback they use against me.
I think i just really wanted to be belived because no one around me did and I thought I had proof to shut their lies down, I was so wrong.
I didn't do anything wrong other than try to set boundaries regarding my child and she despised me for it.

Anyway, she has lo every Sunday. 5 weeks ago after a row with her when I told her about the ptsd. I said enough is enough. You cant all treat me like this then expect to happily come to my door and get my chikd? Where I am disliked and unwelcome, so is my child. If I can't even trust you not to tell a single lie, how can I trust u with my child?
She kept asking me over and over why I'm so nasty and would be so selfish on lo and her, when I'd answer she'd ask me again as if she was searching for the truth vecause apparantly I kept lying to her about the things she was doing to me. She kept telling me that she's never done a thing wrong to me and I attacked her first, that she's done so many kind things for me and all she's even been is good to me and now im showing my true colors by useing my child against her. That I'm cruel etc

I stood by ground but let lo go last Sunday because I was feeling so guilty as lo was asking me to visit, I didn't care about mil but hurting my child was never part of the plan.

It's Sunday today and she's asked again. Shes been acting like the kind woman again as if NOTHING happened.. messaging me normally, talking to me normally she got lo at the door the other week.
She was to take lo on a big drive away for pumpkin picking. I've had car safety issues with her and it's just the person she is, I don't like her. After everything she has done to me? Deep down I do trust her with lo and despite everything she is a good nana, I don't want fued to get in the way of haveing an involved nana but my god .. she is HORRIBLE to me. Its like, if I'm unwelcome and so disliked by a group of people why should I hand my chikd over to them?
What do I do? Just give in and let her have lo every Sunday. I havnt been able to take lo pumpkin picking this year either so I feel envy and jealousy that someone who has treated me so badly gets to do the very thing I wanted to do with lo, and that I am unwelcome and can't even go with them?

Sorry this was long, I dont know how to make it simpler as so much has happened. Im also not the best at writing and explaining so I do apologise

What everyone else said.

Why this long thing about pumpkins when your partner is abusing your child and you ARE STILL THERE??

You are clearly very unwell and your priorities have been so skewed you aren’t thinking, but this isn’t about saving money, this is about getting the police and social services involved right now and focusing on safeguarding your child.

Your child only has one mother to protect them.

You have to cut through EVERYTHING else and do your job.

Brilliant response there by @Britneyfan

Get you head out your backside its not all about you and his family thats all you keep talking about.
Its about the safety of a child your child that your not keeping safe.
Id rather live in a box on the street knowing my child was safe than spend one more day knowing whats happening to my child.
Ring womens aid and get into a refuge today tell police a SS aswell today.
They do have 24/7 hotlines.
Walk to police if you have to they will help.
Make a report and have him done for it hes a pig.
Or are you gonna just gonna turn a blind eye its damaging to a child.
I think you need help yourself.

Pick up the phone. Call the police.

“Hello. I’m in an abusive relationship. My partner has been sexually abusing my daughter. I don’t know what to do and we need help.”

It will be hard but you need to do it.

Forget fuckin pumpkins and hiding cutlery and shit, pack a bag and go today. Go to a police station and report the abuse, they'll contact women's aid for you.
If it's with the clothes in your back so be it, protect your child.

Have you rang the police yet have you left?

There are plenty of women that have been terrified to
leave their abusers but we find the will power to do it.
But when its our children we up and leave sometimes with our hands in our pockets.

How old is your LO? I'm assuming older if she was asking to go. So she's accessing some nursery? You need to disclose the sexual assault to them. You need to protect your daughter and be honest with social services about what you saw.

You seem more upset about his family gossiping and being 'mean' to you than the fact your daughter is being molested by her father in front of you!

You walk out the door and go go the police if you have any maternal feelings at all.

Womens aid will always believe you. Call them for some advice.

It is odd youre worried about her missing Halloween when you live in the same house as someone you think might or has sexually assaulted your daughter. I don't say this to judge you, I'm just trying to highlight that your judgement is probably clouded after so much stress and abuse. I think speaking to someone at women's aid could really help you.

Really??? No reason to lie on an anonymous thread? Sorry to disappoint you but many people seem to get pleasure from creating fake posts and carrying people along, and being anonymous only helps fake posts.

This happens a lot on Mumsnet, Reddit etc. I mean 90% of the posts on AITA on Reddit are fake and made up.

If it is true I hope OP takes the right action but I haven't seen anything from OP's vague responses that confirms this is real.

If it is a fake post then your properly messed up in the head and need some real help if you find this kind of thing amusing.
Disgusting sick people.

Don't let her go and try and move quicker. X

I am just wondering why the hell have you not contacted police about this "touching"????? medics and social workers will need to be involved and this needs to go further for the childs safety! never mind your mother calling you a liar! that is the very least of your problems!!

It can't be real. Anyone mother seeing their child molested would grab the child as soon as possible and run out of the house to get help.

All she's worried about is gossip and pumpkins. Absolutely disgraceful.

I agree with you some people are sick in the head to think this is funny.

Are you a fucking lunatic or something.

Im sorry but if what you’re saying is true (I’m having my doubts this is a real post) but if it’s true and you’re writing a post about a pumpkin patch when you think your partner is harming your daughter, you need to seriously think about whether she should be in your care.

The OP has a posting history that goes back years and paints a horrendous picture of what kind of environment this nearly-4-year-old is being raised in.

Because I've never been believed and I was scared it'd be turned around on me to make me seem like a crazy person even more if I spoke out, and I felt I questioning my sanity so I didn't even belive me eyes at that point. I was cut off from friends, all I expierinced was everyone crowding around me calling me crazy and warping and twisting everything I said. Idk maybe my head probably is fuked, I already had ptsd prior to even meeting him. Maybe what I say doesn't make sense because I do feel confused as hell. I did step up to protect her but I didn't speak out because I felt no one qould fuking belive me

Well who isn’t believing you? The police, SS? Because these would be the first people I would be telling.

I’m hoping you’re a troll OP because this is the worst thread I’ve read on MN in nearly 15 years.

You need to leave asap.
You will be belived .
But staying will do more damage to you and your child.
How old is the child ?
Because she may be able to say a few things her self.

I did step up to protect her but I didn't speak out because I felt no one qould fuking belive me

So actually, you didn't step up to protect her.

It absolutely can be real. My mother let my father rape me for years.

Who is protecting her when you and your partner are physically attacking each other? Who is protecting her when you are throwing playstations around? Who is protecting her from her parents' toxic relationship?

I'm trying to leave and im aware of the situation, through the years I've felt pushed in to a corner and like everything I see or feel Is a lie and doesn't exist. Outside help at the time felt like they'd just look at me and go, it's in ur head too, your crazy and no one on this planet bo matter who it was would ever belive me.
Like yes mentally I'm probabaly in a worst place then I relise but idk what to say. He never outwardly did forceful things it was always passivley, weird comments, putting a pillow to cover himself after asking her to whisper in his ears etc. I'd call it out everyrime and eventually always be round her and act as a barrier but because there was no actual evidence I didn't feel a single person would belive me because I didn't even know what was going on

I've always loved her played with her, kept her happy and done my best by given everything. We have a very strong bond and she never goes without, she is a happy child and All the stuff done to me was seperate, and I've always acted like her shield to keep her seperate from it. When I see things like that I'd call it out and eventually face him when she was in bed away from it. but I actually dk what to say to these comments because I have no good comebacks. If I could go back in time and wish I rang straight away I would, but now as it happened 2+ yrs ago I feel like I don't have a bloody leg to stand on.