At what age and how did you explain to your kids where babies come from?

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DD has just turned 7. She's known for years how babies develop once they are in utero and how they are born and she's known about periods but just in the simplest terms.

I've been expecting DD to ask me more questions but it still blind sided me a bit when she wanted to know how exactly babies are made and how we can control the process. Obviously it was after a long day on a weekday when we were already super late for bed. I tried to go from the general to the specific (or rather from easy to explain eg it needs a fertilised eggs to the difficult one of how does sperm get into your body to fertilise the egg) to make sure I'm not explaining more than she wants to know but she definitely wanted to know the specifics. So I went into the specifics of how humans have sex as well but I'm not sure I did a great job of it and I think she might be even more confused now. I told her I'll get a book and we'll talk about it again.

I don't think I handled it brilliantly. I'm also not sure if she isn't too young. I think I was a similar age or maybe slightly younger when my mum explained it to me (and probably did a much better job) but I'm sure dh will think she is too young. He won't be thrilled we has this conversation. I did say (not entirely truthfully) that this is something that only adults can do.

I'm also a bit worried that she'll talk about it at school and the other parents won't like it. But isn't age 7 a normal age to want to know more? And the advice always seems to be to honestly answer their questions in an age appropriate way but I guess my question is what is an age appropriate way.

Anyway, I'm very curious how other parents have handled these questions and how old your child was. I wish I'd asked yesterday. I'd also be very grateful for any book recommendations.

Thank you!!

We've taught it in small increments whenever they've asked. It is always driven by their curiosity, with the exception of puberty which I actively started explaining from 7yo as DD1 started precocious puberty (which has thankfully now fallen back in line with her peers). For a long time "the daddy fertilises an egg in the mummy's tummy, then it grows into a baby in a special bag in her tummy until it is ready to come out" was sufficient. This expanded to explain the eggs live in women's tummies and the sperm that fertilises the egg lives in a man's testicles, plus more detail about in utero development and proper names such as uterus. Earlier this year, when DD1 was 8.5, she asked the next question of "but how does the sperm get to where the egg is?", so I explained the mechanics. It is safe to say she was initially horrified, but was fine once she'd processed the information and come back with some more questions over the following days.

A good pre-prepared text book is a great thing IMO. Diagrams will visually explain everything so much more clearly than your words when you're caught on the hop.

I agree they always ask the complicated questions just as you're turning out the lights! I always say the same thing no matter what the subject though - "That's a really interesting question that I am happy to answer. In the morning. Now is the time for sleep" DD1 is a master of these questions, and it's so easy to be sucked in, so I need a standard defence!

Like others, I have taken the approach of answering DD’s questions in an age appropriate way as they arise. I also recently bought her this book, which is brilliant for girls age 8 and up and covers a lot of the questions they may have about puberty/sex: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Girls-Guide-Growing-Up/dp/1526360187

Mine either didn’t ask or I’ve erased it from my memory. The only thing I remember is my DD at age 6 came home from school and asked what a blow job was. A 10 year old with an older sibling had mentioned them at lunch. I just told her that it was an adult thing that she really didn’t need to know about at age 6.

I told mine when their friends started discussing it at school due to older siblings telling them or it coming up in the curriculum at school. They were both around 7/8. Same with myself as a child.

Prior to this we just did the whole 'two people in love make a baby chat' when they asked at a younger age. I didn't want to go into specifics at 4 years old but each to their own 😁

Hi, are you an adoptive parent too? I think it gives this conversation a whole other complexion. It also makes me shy away from some of the books mentioned here where it’s all about ‘the mum and dad’ because that can add a level of complexity/fraughtness to the sex conversation. (Because then it’s not just about the mechanics but gets into life story territory)

But ignore me if we don’t share a context!

I would say look at some books on Amazon. Read the reviews and age recommendations and then read it your self first before reading together. I personally think your talk went a little far....sorry 🙈. I use the proper words penis and vagina etc; but stop short at sex. My lad is 7 and asking the same questions. I feel it's to early for the sex part (I'll wait a couple of years for that at least).

I explained it as daddy has seeds (sperm) and I had an egg and we combined it and grew you in my stomach...then at 9 months growth you were ready and came out of my vagina as a baby. So I have literally described everything simply except sex...including placenta and belly buttons etc...he asked A LOT of questions. I personally think the sex aspect is a step to far and opens up A LOT more questions their minds aren't ready for yet.

I have covered appropriate touching etc and what's acceptable in a age appropriate book I got off Amazon and they do cover this at school to reduce risk of abuse too 👍

Good luck it is a minefield and I think you did pretty well. But would stop short of sex in future. I think you feel that yourself which is why your asking here 👍

In the book I have suggested adoption is covered too - a neighbour of the family is adopting a baby. Our New Baby - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Our-New-Baby-Picture-Children/dp/081205458X

That is what is so good about this book - there is loving family and community context, rather than just being "this goes in there" biological facts. It is in the form of a cartoon story.

My older 2 DDs were reading this at about 6 and when their baby sister came along they read it to her at about 4. There is no way these children were traumatised or otherwise disturbed by it - they just took in the facts along with learning that the earth is round, 2+2 is 4 etc. When they got a bit older and more detailed and subtle nuances were needed, they already had the basic facts under their belts.

And we live in the country and animals are mating all around them - a lesson in itself.

I personally think the sex aspect is a step too far and opens up A LOT more questions their minds aren't ready for yet. - I suspect it opens up more questions for us as adults, because there are more detailed things that we are aware of that a child is not (STIs, consent, pornography etc.) - a child will just take in the basic biological facts and get on with playing football.
Your boy is 7. If you wait a couple of years before telling him about sexual intercourse, he will already have heard a lot on the playground and some of it will be inaccurate, and even damaging. Best to get in first!!

In some areas kids are having babies at 13 - way way too old to be just approaching the subject of sex an where babies come from

13 is way too old. Like it or not a minority of kids are having sex by then.

They can be protected from abuse by knowing a few basics and what is/isn't too old.

My mum told me when I was 7 because my older sisters were teasing me.

Mine don't want to talk about it mostly so I've given them books to read and said they can ask me questions anytime.

Tough question. You know your child the best and know what she can cope with. Personally I wouldn't talk about how to control the process, that conversation is further down the line IMO.
Age appropriate ways...farm sets with adult and baby animals a trip to the zoo. Life cycle cards. I'm sure there are books out there too. Honesty is good but the details required can be watered down. Hopefully this gives you some idea.

I remember I tried hard to avoid the sexist "the man puts his penis inside the woman's vagina" nonsense

But that's what happens, factually? I'm so confused by this comment.

Anyway my DS is 7, and has been asking about it all for years now. We've always answered truthfully and factually. He has various books but I might get a few more. He just has that kind of mind, scientific and curious. My DD is 5 and hasn't asked anything, she's not interested so far, plus she says she's never getting married or having children so maybe she feels she doesn't need to know 😁

I grew up with no information at all from home or school. Needless to say it was a disaster.

I was 10/11.
I think its too young but if questions are being asked you need to answer them. However I do feel whats discussed/taught now in our schools and by parents who think its ok at a very young age, is taking away the innocence of our children far too soon. And the reasons its being promoted so much is worrying as we go along with it without challenging the reasons ( in the case of curriculum)

I really do not think that children who learn the basic facts of sex young are having their innocence taken away. They still bash on with all the innocent pre-occupations of children: friends, play, sport, TV, make-believe. They just happen to know how they were conceived. A child who knows this fact does not cease to be a normal child, awed by the world and with a thirst for knowledge.

Explaining sex to a young child does them no harm. But it does mean that when they are confronted by playground misinformation they are able to deal with it better.

I think that as adults we extrapolate the basic facts into all the social confusion that is often present on the subject. But that is our problem, not the child's. They just take the facts as given and do not add in all the moral maze that we know about.

DC1 was four when I was pregnant with DC2. I have always answered his questions, but have answered exactly what has been asked, if that makes sense. So “to make a baby you need a seed from the daddy and an egg from the mummy, and you mix them together and sometimes a baby grows” was quite sufficient at first. Be led by your child and their follow-up questions. It took two years from that to get to “penis and vagina”.

Personally I think it’s better to build knowledge gradually in an age appropriate way than to give them a Big Talk at ten or so.

Bloody hell... there were single mums aged thirteen at my school!

I can’t understand at all why understanding about the basics of how babies are made has anything to do with “taking their innocence away”. Plenty of things that children inevitably encounter from a young age could be seen as a loss of innocence - death, loss, pain, hardship, hatred, cruelty. Understanding that sperm and egg make a baby…really where is the loss of innocence there?

Unpick your own (dubious) ‘logic’ here. In exactly what way is explaining the mechanics of sex to children ‘taking their innocence away’? Do you think schools are actually encouraging pre-pubescent children to have sex, somehow, because sex education is on the curriculum? Why does ‘innocence’ pertain any more to ignorance of how babies are made more than it does to ignorance of how electricity works?

Oh no. DD has a friend over (her age, 7 years old) and they are playing with her baby dolls and Dd just told me that she told this other girl where babies come from (from what I understand including all physical detail..). I didn't want to tell DD not to talk about it to others because I don't want her to think there's anything weird about it but now I wonder if I should have. Should I text her mum to give her a heads up? I'm worried that she won't approve.

No. If the mother is as loopy as the ‘loss of innocence’ hand-wringers on here, you don’t want to encourage it.

Don't encourage what? Do you mean I shouldn't text her?

Don’t encourage her to think it’s some kind of ‘loss of innocence’ big deal. It’s just information. The child probably wrinkled her nose, said ‘Weird’ and went on playing.

Don't encourage whom to think that? DD or her friend's mum? Sorry I really want to understand because I need some pointers on what to do. If it was me I'd want the other psrent to tell me so I could discuss with my child what was said, what they understood and if they had any questions. But I don't want the other mum to think that DD is a bad influence or something in case she disagrees with that.

You’re really overthinking this!

No, it wouldn’t occur to me to say anything at all to the other child’s mother. It’s unlikely to be news to a seven year old who is regularly around other children, anyway.

I would message the other parents to be honest. I wouldn't be annoyed, it happens, but would appreciate the heads up if the tables were turned. To mitigate misinformation at least.

I'm not too far along on this either, hence watching the thread, but I've told my dc that's it's a chat that children should have with their parents first. Dc is 7, for context.