At what age and how did you explain to your kids where babies come from?

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DD has just turned 7. She's known for years how babies develop once they are in utero and how they are born and she's known about periods but just in the simplest terms.

I've been expecting DD to ask me more questions but it still blind sided me a bit when she wanted to know how exactly babies are made and how we can control the process. Obviously it was after a long day on a weekday when we were already super late for bed. I tried to go from the general to the specific (or rather from easy to explain eg it needs a fertilised eggs to the difficult one of how does sperm get into your body to fertilise the egg) to make sure I'm not explaining more than she wants to know but she definitely wanted to know the specifics. So I went into the specifics of how humans have sex as well but I'm not sure I did a great job of it and I think she might be even more confused now. I told her I'll get a book and we'll talk about it again.

I don't think I handled it brilliantly. I'm also not sure if she isn't too young. I think I was a similar age or maybe slightly younger when my mum explained it to me (and probably did a much better job) but I'm sure dh will think she is too young. He won't be thrilled we has this conversation. I did say (not entirely truthfully) that this is something that only adults can do.

I'm also a bit worried that she'll talk about it at school and the other parents won't like it. But isn't age 7 a normal age to want to know more? And the advice always seems to be to honestly answer their questions in an age appropriate way but I guess my question is what is an age appropriate way.

Anyway, I'm very curious how other parents have handled these questions and how old your child was. I wish I'd asked yesterday. I'd also be very grateful for any book recommendations.

Thank you!!

And if your daughter started her periods long before the age of 13?

Can't remember but my daughter is expecting a second baby soon and explained it to dd aged 2 just 'Mamma and Daddy get together to start a baby growing in Mamma's tummy. ' I think . Dgd said hmm and continued playing with her farm animals. Not got to the bit about baby being born yet. No doubt she'll ask though.

I was 3+ when my Mum told me babies grew in Mummy's tummy.( We were at a pantomime.) Can't remember when I knew about the rest just seemed to know so presumably she told me early on.

My Dd asked at around 4, I got Mummy Laid An Egg from the library and it was perfect. Answered her questions, and actually she seemed to forget about it then cos I think I had to explain again when she was a bit older!

If it’s easier try you could try to swerve into talking about other mammals first. That might take out some of the embarrassment / morality / age related stuff. Talk about lambs. Then say it’s a bit like that for humans.

I definitely remember a simplified sex education video and subsequent lesson on sex and reproduction in (late) primary school. Your child is better hearing an age-appropriate explanation from you than a load of half-truths from fellow children.

Edited to correct typo

3

About three or four years old. The earlier you tell them, the less embarrassing it is. Nothing embarrasses a three year old. I just said mummy has an egg in her tummy and daddy has a seed that comes out of his penis and daddy put his penis in mummy’s vagina to get the seed to the egg. They accepted it. Simple.

I started my period at 10. But I'd known about sex and periods for a long time before that as my mum was always really liberal and open about things. I feel like knowing about puberty and my body, and why things happened the way they did, from a young age made me prepared.

And I didn't have sex until I was 18. For the OP that'd 'go ballistic' if your 7 year old found out about sex - what do you think is going to happen? I knew from about 5 and didn't turn into a pumpkin or become a 12 year old mother. Sex isn't shameful

I went to school with someone who had a baby at 12. She was oblivious to the significance of sex and contraception and there was never any talk of it at home. Unfortunately her curiosity led to getting pregnant at 11. Please don't wait until 13 to teach your children about sex.

This as well.

I honestly think as long as they bring it up themselves and want to know, the younger the better. It demystifies things and makes them less embarrassing, therefore your kids are more likely to be open about questions/worries/their bodies as teens.

In my experience the 'forbidden' and secret is always more attractive to young teens, too. My mum was mega open about sex and I just wasn't interested until I was 17/18. I had friends who's parents were really uptight and they started at 13/14. Same with drinking, smoking etc. Obviously one size doesn't fit all but there's nothing to be lost by teaching them early!

I think making it a big reveal is more of an issue than introducing the basics very young (e.g. 4) and adding to them over time in an age appropriate way.

I think we're getting close to telling my 4 (almost 5) year old. She already knows where babies grow and that they need an egg from Mum and sperm from Dad. She just hasn't asked how the two come together yet.

Last week she asked if she had to have babies when she grew up and I said no, it was up to her. Then she asked how to avoid making a baby and I very nearly had to explain contraception before explaining sex!

She also knows about c-sections in excruciating detail (down to scalpels, anaesthetic, staples etc) because she wanted to know how she was born, but we've not got as far as natural childbirth yet!

I just go for answering the questions I'm asked as simply as possible and seeing if there are any follow up questions.

I definitely knew about sex before 7 though as I was about that age when I asked DM what IVF was!

My then 5 and 7 year old had lots of questions when their sister was born. I explained simply mummy has an egg daddy has a seed. He gives the seed to mummy and sometimes together inside the mummy a baby grows and then is born. They have not yet asked how the seeds goes from dad to mum.

6 or 7

Don’t tie yourself up in knots about it, she will only absorb the basics. A book is a good idea.

Hahaha

Age about 3, i think. I tried to channel the idea that i wouldn’t be fazed telling her what an elbow is for and how it works, so i shouldn’t be for vaginas and wombs either.

I've just got a book for DS2 who is 5 called "Let's talk about girls, boys, bodies, babies" (it goes on for a while, very wordy title) by Robie H Haris. I think it's fine for the whole span of primary age.

I think it's good, it's well laid out, perhaps goes into a bit more detail than I would have thought to include but it is really nicely balanced with talking about both the differences between girls and boys and also emphasising that so much is the same and girls/boys can both be strong, sensitive, creative, nurturing, loud, etc. Uses correct terms like penis, vulva, sperm, scrotum.

I just answered questions with my eldest but I think having a book is a bit better because it means I don't need to shy away from any embarrassing topic, it's all just already there.

I think mummy laid an egg is more of a picture book for 3-4 year olds isn't it? I remember my stepmum getting it for my little brother when she was pregnant with my sister and being scandalised about the space hopper sex position

We started building on the information from age 2-3 when talking about human bodies. There was never one specific sex talk. Just a slow trickle of information.

im a big fan of a book series anchored by a title called “it’s not the stork”. They have titles for different age ranges. don’t have to just sit down and read it. You can jump around and focus on whatever section your child is curious about at the time.

@Londonscallingme I'd lie. I've 5 children between 6-21 and not one of them has asked. I've explained abouts periods when they've started but that's different to sex 🤦🏻‍♀️ why take away their innocence. I find it quite disgusting actually 🤢

I did always talk to them about it and no subject was off limits.
But I do think that very small children find the concept of older children having sex to be difficult to comprehend.

I am not a prude and I fully discussed everything with all my children. When they were very young it was easier to say that "mummies and daddies make babies" (and explain how) so they could understand that concept, knowing that all children have a mummy and a daddy (well most do).
When they were more like 7 - 8 they figured out that teenagers were capable of sex, because of periods.

Sex isn’t disgusting. However, it’s obviously your choice what you tell your child and when. Interesting the different approaches people take. Personally I’d think lying to a 10 year old about this kind of thing is morally much worse than explaining a perfectly natural biological process in a way that he / she could understand.

Thanks so much for starting the thread, OP, I’ve a 7 year old and am in more or less exactly the same position. Great book recommendations on the thread.

From age 2, in an age appropriate manner and when they asked, and over the past 3 years. It’s much better to have ‚always known‘ than to have a big revelation. We have 5–6 picture books on babies and bodies, they ask to read them together on occasion.

13 is way too late. Girls get their periods before then and will have heard inaccurate information from elsewhere and may already have absorbed messages of shame about their bodies.

The best time to do it is when they ask, be matter of fact and don’t make too big a deal of it. It sounds like you handled it brilliantly OP. It’s the perfect time at 7 as they don’t have any embarrassment about their body or about talking to you about those things, and you can get the information through in a purely factual way.