At what age and how did you explain to your kids where babies come from?

[WhereIsMyGuideBook]

DD has just turned 7. She's known for years how babies develop once they are in utero and how they are born and she's known about periods but just in the simplest terms.

I've been expecting DD to ask me more questions but it still blind sided me a bit when she wanted to know how exactly babies are made and how we can control the process. Obviously it was after a long day on a weekday when we were already super late for bed. I tried to go from the general to the specific (or rather from easy to explain eg it needs a fertilised eggs to the difficult one of how does sperm get into your body to fertilise the egg) to make sure I'm not explaining more than she wants to know but she definitely wanted to know the specifics. So I went into the specifics of how humans have sex as well but I'm not sure I did a great job of it and I think she might be even more confused now. I told her I'll get a book and we'll talk about it again.

I don't think I handled it brilliantly. I'm also not sure if she isn't too young. I think I was a similar age or maybe slightly younger when my mum explained it to me (and probably did a much better job) but I'm sure dh will think she is too young. He won't be thrilled we has this conversation. I did say (not entirely truthfully) that this is something that only adults can do.

I'm also a bit worried that she'll talk about it at school and the other parents won't like it. But isn't age 7 a normal age to want to know more? And the advice always seems to be to honestly answer their questions in an age appropriate way but I guess my question is what is an age appropriate way.

Anyway, I'm very curious how other parents have handled these questions and how old your child was. I wish I'd asked yesterday. I'd also be very grateful for any book recommendations.

Thank you!!

@TheShellBeach of course they'll hear from other kids, I did too. But that's all it is. Hear say. It didn't harm me or others in my culture.

To me teaching them that bodies and/ or sex is some how shameful or dirty is far more harmful than telling a toddler that a man puts his penis in a woman's vagina to make a baby. What is wrong with that ?

I have no idea. Literally how more harmless than that can it be?

I remember driving through France on holiday woth them aged maybe 3 &5 and explaining that a woman has 3 holes and what each did. Couldn't have either of them ( I have one of each) growing up thinking that woman wee out of their vaginas.

"Innocence" equals "sadly misinformed" in this case.

You're not giving your children the necessary life tools to navigate things which happen to us all.

You're even making them more open to abuse, as you haven't given them the vocabulary to tell you or another adult if someone has assaulted them sexually.

Your culture?
And forgive me, but I think it did harm you, not being given facts, and relying on hearsay from your peers.

I thought I had covered all this with my DC, but was out walking and chatting the other day, no idea how we got onto the subject but the yr6 dc was shocked and horrified to find out the fact that PIV occurs...I was surprised that they didn't already know...but I must have left the actual mechanics out of our previous chats and school must not have covered it yet. The older DC was like 'you didn't know that?' Anyway they do now 😂

Why does a toddler need to know about sex? It's hardly necessary at that age. You explain that privates are private so they can say if they've been abused without going into actual details about sex. I literally don't know anyone who tells their child under 8 about sex. You only see this shit on Mumsnet

I remember reading that it’s best to answer their questions honestly, but not to expand too much beyond that and that way they should be ready for what they hear. So DD is 5 and knows that a sperm from a man and an egg from a woman join together to make a baby, which then grows in the uterus, but she hasn’t yet asked me HOW the egg and sperm meet so we haven’t got into the mechanics of sex yet. She knows the correct anatomical names for things and she knows a bit about periods so the foundation is there for when she does ask, I think.

As I said upthread this is the way I was raised 45 years ago (in the 70's & 80s). Why on earth wouldn't you tell them ? Isn't obfuscation more difficult than the simple truth ?

Toddlers need to know because they're extremely curious individuals, and they ask.
Telling them factually at that age doesn't take long, and then they go back to playing with their toys.
It's adults (some adults) who find this embarrassing.
Toddlers definitely do not.

I just said a man puts his penis inside the woman's vagina and sperm seeds come out. One of them gets to the egg first and burrows inside.

We also have the book Where Willy Went.

My kid is 6 and hasn’t asked yet. She knows that babies grow inside their mothers and they’re either born vaginally or by Caesarian but doesn’t seem to have considered the rest. That having been said her current best friend is the child of an OBGYN and a midwife and she came home last night telling us that men can’t have babies because they have peanuts inside them. So some jolly miscommunication happening somewhere. I think I got a book when I was about 8, one of a set of science books, and I just read it and was like “oh ok then” so my parents never got the questions.

This, then it's done- aged 2 and a half takes 2 minutes, worst case they laugh and say that's silly or say yuck. That's it the world is full of strange things if you are 2 or 3

I guess this just shows how different DCs are. At 2,3 and 4 DS was a ball of curiosity, " why is the sky blue?" , " why do dogs have 4 legs?" etc, etc. So " how does the sperm get to the egg?" was just part of it.

Completely agree, I'm glad it's not just me. I don't feel this thread reflects reality at all.

Well, my mother explained the basics of sex to me when I was 4 or 5 and we certainly discussed it at primary school aged 6 or 7, in the 1980s. If you don't tell your child, they will learn from their peers, and may end up with all sorts of odd and inaccurate ideas.

👀💜

I wholeheartedly disagree with this.

they absolutely need to know - firstly because there is no shame in it. It’s completely natural and normal - it’s adults who make it shameful and attatch a stigma to it. My son has asked a few questions over the years but more so now that he’s 7 and I have answered anything he’s asked. He sees it as completely normal and also understands why mum has taken time off work to “do nothing at home” in his eyes (mat leave before baby).

also - there are children in my family who were sadly victims of abuse. Had they had understood that anything sexual was for grownups and not children, they would have known to tell an adult and not keep a “secret”. They were non the wiser and it could have avoided a lot of trauma.

You are very, very naive

I think our son was just turned five, he needed to know how a baby is made to help him understand that he had both a birth mother and a birth father.

We discuss this on my podcast Man Feelings. I remember someone on Mums Net who was extremely ignorant said " Bruv , it was da Pakis coming over in the 70s., spoilt it " They went on to say that they were proud of the fact their 5 year old could inhale ciggy smoke 🚬 🙄. We called the cops after finding out their address

Similar age for mine to be asking lots of questions. I found that they asked the questions but didn't always remember / understand or show much interest in the answers so the questions would come up again. My favourite was when one dc came home from secondary school and asked why people were laughing at the number 69!

Babette Cole's picture book "Mummy Laid An Egg On The Sofa" is an excellent book. Sex is obviously adult - but I always took the line we don't want to make it a big deal, either something to be super curious about and desire to try as it's gown up, or something secret and sordid. Openness about it and when and what is appropriate for your own body is the key to both safety from grooming and being able to have enjoyable sexual experiences when these become an appropriate choice. You may think discussing with older children is easier but when they get to puberty they also find adults intensely irritating and (ime) don't wish to discuss anything about their changing bodies, relationships etc much with a middle aged clueless loser such as their mum. I think an age-appropriate discussion around mechanics is fine, I was taught this at primary school via animated video anyway.

I see you've had loads of super useful advice so I hope you don't mind me jumping on :)

Opposite end of the spectrum here. My son is 8 and a half and has NEVER asked any questions. I've always been of the impression that you wait for them to ask then have lots of small conversations, rather than one big "birds and the bees" chat.. I'm surprised he hasn't asked yet. His sister is 5 and she's asked how babies grow so that was answered and he was present, but I really did only cover how and where they grow.. nothing more.
I'm just not sure whether i should approach the conversation or carry on waiting till he asks?!