Stopping at 1 child due to stress from nursery illnesses

[PersistentSniffles]

I was wondering if this has tipped anyone else into being one and done? DH and I have an almost 2 year old, we both work full time, and have no family help nearby. Switching from nursery to a nanny is not an option, because it's not within our budget.

This is DS's second nursery winter (he started last October), and I have already had two colds and a flu bug since Sept. DS has been unable to go in to nursery twice due to D&V, leading DH and me tag teaming around online meetings and working until the small hours to catch up. The stress of having to juggle when DS can't go to nursery, and also being constantly sick myself and falling behind on work due to feeling rough, is really wearing me down.

I just don't understand how anyone could possibly hold down a job with more than one child getting sick and passing on viruses to you, as well as having two being being frequently sent home from nursery due to illnesses (presumably at different times, and with different bugs).

It is so much better when they move out the baby room!
Well bar a couple of tummy bugs as my little girl was interested in the potties at the start but it's been nearly a year and bar a few coughs/colds it's been so much better, she's not had a day off due to sickness since December 2022 and not even a fever either (hopefully not jinxed myself now!) and she's been full time most of that.
Also even the cough/colds settled once done with teeth around March this year as they aren't as orally fixated. And I suspect all the toys in the baby room are covered in germy saliva, which doesn't help...
I found the first year in nursery really tough and similar to you caught lots of horrible bugs off her, I was on verge of asking GP for blood tests for both of us as so much back to back sickness. But it was like a switch flipped and she suddenly had an immune system, and hope it's like that for you.
We all started a multivitamin and focused on iron rich foods too - low iron and vitamin D can make immune system less effective.

@chunkyhunkyalmond sorry but children don't need to get sick with viruses to build their immunity. Exposure to dirt is good, exposure to viruses is not. It's why we vaccinate as much as possible. Better not to catch a virus at all as even something innocuous like a cold can have unintended consequences.

There are studies showing children who get respiratory disease die earlier in adulthood, and one just came out showing lung cancer is linked to catching flu.

Basically any immunologist worth their salt would never advocate for "building immunity" through infection. On the contrary we should be advocating for clean indoor air to reduce infection risk.

Not valid IMO.

I know this thread is old! But I was just seeking some reassurance from reading this and other’s posts.
Me and husband at a bit of a disagreement over more babies. I too am trying to navigate this tricky return to 30 hours work, with nursery constantly ringing me to collect and myself being unwell. I’ve been ill give or take the odd break now, for about 2 months. And.. it’s wearing me down.. give me the sleepless newborn and no work days back please aha: least I could rest and catchup, but now with work, a toddler being nonstop from 6-7pm and house work.. we are zapped. I’m like.. I don’t want to do all of this all again. Another child I’d love.. but this is so mentally and physically exhausting I don’t see how I could do it again for another 2 years (plus 9 months of being pregnant where I was totally beat up and sick too aha). Wondering OP did you ever decide on another or still unsure? I’m feeling like the general idea is it’s hard but worth it .. and maybe not as hard second time round!!

I’ve also found this thread recently because I’ve been on the fence about having more children through pretty much my entire maternity leave, and having been back at a demanding job FT for two weeks with nursery illnesses caught from DD I can’t understand how anyone can face it a second time. Obviously not the only factor to consider, but so many people talk about “years” of this stuff, that’s feels like a big
impact on quality of life at a time you’re trying to parent even just one young child. I already feel like I’m not quite the mum I wanted to be because I’m so exhausted (DD1 not a great sleeper, and nursery killed off all the improvements we were seeing), and genuinely starting to worry about long term impact on my health.

Well, just to add my two cents, we're almost 2 years into nursery life and, at least for us, things are pretty much as bad as they were at the beginning. I've tried lots of supplements, vitamins etc. but obviously there isn't one clear solution. And that goes for both our DS and for us. Can't imagine having 2, not to mention more (!) kids.

Each week I can't say for certain that I'll be in the office on any particular day as I never know what's going to happen tomorrow. He might come back with a fever again. It sucks. It's exhausting both physically and mentally as you're living in constant uncertainty and fear (both health and work-wise). And then when they do get ill, the juggle to fit in work around a sick kid is another kick in the teeth.

So I'm afraid I don't have any constructive advice. Just sympathy and hugs for anyone going through the same thing.

This is a life long solution to a temporary problem. It feels hard now but is just a short phase. Like all things this too will pass

Hiya,
my DS has just been sick with d&v and passed it to me and my dh.. and my mum and her partner! It literally feels never ending. It’s coming to Christmas and though we’re all excited about babies first (proper as he’s a bit more aware now). I’m actually dreading it cos I’m like .. will we all just be ill on the lead up to then off for 10 days and will just be playing catch-up then back to work.
I think what happens is it improves quite quickly and then you forget how hard it was and you take the plunge on another baby… I’m still in two minds but I switch between no more and let’s just do it again soon before too much time passes!

If it helps my first went to nursery and second went to childminder and so far second has been ill a LOT less. Granted he is currently recovering from tonsillitis 😂but hasn’t had the revolving door of HFM/slapped cheek/flu/D and V that DD had when she started nursery.

Also I feel like nursery were very big on testing temps and sending DD home if her temperature was high, even if she was running around and generally full of beans. Childminder is much happier to just give him a dose of calpol and let him crack on

My husband has just had a vasectomy and whilst illness wasn't the only reason, it was a big factor. The past year of my daughter attending nursery has been one of the hardest of my life throigh never ending illnesses which we all caught and which have been so stressful to manage with work. We are in the midst of preparing to move house and my DD started vomiting last night after only being back in nursery after a virus. I don't know how other people manage it unless they just send their toddler into nursery regardless of they're ill or not, which I would never do.

I think they do send them in even when they are really unwell. The other day a dad of a boy in my son's room said that "oh yeah, he had 40 degree fever yesterday but this morning he didn't look too bad". I was like, yeah, right.

My son is currently ill for the fourth time in 4 weeks. And he's been in nursery for almost 2 years already. Don't know when and if it ever gets better. I'm so internally burned out that I can't even bring myself to stress about managing work this week if he needs to stay at home.

I'm with you @BananaPalm and there is absolutely no way a toddler with a 40 degree temperature should be in nursery the very next day. You must have got that sick feeling in your stomach when you heard him saying that, I do when I see the state of some of the other kids at drop off.

We are using some of DHs annual leave to look after her the week before Christmas in the hope it avoids us all being ill over Christmas.

I am so sorry for you and you're not alone.

DD2 went to nursery for a bit and she was off more days than she was in due to the constant illness, we also have no family help and our jobs suffered. However both DDs spent years at childminders from young ages and hardly ever got ill - do you have any childminders nearby? Once they got to age three and went to pre-school they were fine too - I guess they were just older with better developed immune systems. They have almost never missed school for illness. Also we don't seem to pass sickness bugs onto each other. It helps having more than one bathroom but we are also very careful.

Thank you my work colleague suggested child minder .. I’ll be honest with you I couldn’t be bothered sorting food out on top of work/life etc so I decided against it. But it maybe something to think about for further dc.

Hiya seems child minders are less keen to send home because maybe less children to have to juggle? So yes, a consideration for future. The only thing that put me off initially was having to sort our own food out for another 4 days. I enjoy sending DS with his backpack or spare clothes and not prepping food for those days aha.

All the childminders I looked at feed the kids? You do have to pay a supplement but ours is £2 for meals and £1 for snacks so probably not wildly more expensive than me making it myself

Mine went to a childminder and there was no constant illness despite her taking them to regular playgroups etc.

like others have said she had obvious rules around D and V but anything else she managed like a parent would. I can only recall possibly 1 or 2 times when I had to miss work due to toddler illness

Hey 👋 i have 5 here (yes i am a teensy bit mad) and as PPs have said it does get easier, my kids rarely have time off for being ill now, only time they aren’t in school is stomach bugs (haven’t had a stomach bug in the house for nearly 2 years) or something the school doesn’t want passed around (twins 9 just had a week off for HFM) otherwise school insists they are in.
I can’t remember the last time my eldest (14) was ill enough to have time off school, and so far this year my ds 12 hasn’t been ill and apart from HFM my twins have been fine too, my 10 month old on the other hand has had 4 colds lol they are less susceptible to illness as they get older xx

What a strange post. No one should ever have a second child to "give the first a sibling". That attitude is immature at best and damaging at worst.

A second child would take time and resources from the first, could be disabled or ill and siblings don't always get on. I hated having a younger sister.