Stopping at 1 child due to stress from nursery illnesses

[PersistentSniffles]

I was wondering if this has tipped anyone else into being one and done? DH and I have an almost 2 year old, we both work full time, and have no family help nearby. Switching from nursery to a nanny is not an option, because it's not within our budget.

This is DS's second nursery winter (he started last October), and I have already had two colds and a flu bug since Sept. DS has been unable to go in to nursery twice due to D&V, leading DH and me tag teaming around online meetings and working until the small hours to catch up. The stress of having to juggle when DS can't go to nursery, and also being constantly sick myself and falling behind on work due to feeling rough, is really wearing me down.

I just don't understand how anyone could possibly hold down a job with more than one child getting sick and passing on viruses to you, as well as having two being being frequently sent home from nursery due to illnesses (presumably at different times, and with different bugs).

Yep it is tricky. We went through the same thing but with the added bonus of Covid and lockdowns and childcare settings being completely unsure of when they might be forced to close.

It does get better. Oddly my DD didn't pick up anything major in her reception year so I think the never ending sickness at nursery has really helped her immune system.

We've a 20 month old. Vitamin drops, cod liver oil and probiotics in his nightly milk has honestly really helped cut down the sickness. But yeah we had three sick bugs in the first few months plus a couple of viruses and it's horrible.

Apple cider vinegar for adults the minute there is a sick bug exposure - I've still yet to catch one of them if I take this, despite being thrown up on.

I'm pregnant now, and hoping the second one has some better immunity....

Definitely has. I am a former EYP so have seen lots of it too, really opens your eyes. There are good nurseries but I wouldn’t want DC going until they’re at least 3. Before then a homely setting is better

I think they probably send them in because they’ve got to pay for place & take unpaid time off work if they’re sick, so it’ll be selfish reasons for many. Can’t say I blame them. If the gov funded early years Ed better it might be different but that’s a whole different kettle of fish. Hope you’re doing something you enjoy these days

my dc were small during swine flu and the nursery measures against infection (mainly handwashing) made a vast difference esp for d&v.

maybe speak to nursery?

Generally when you have more than one child they get ill at the same time so it doesn’t make things any more difficult for work. Plus this is a really short lived problem.
That being said if you only want one, you only want one. I suspect you are clutching at this issue to try to justify your decision. If you really yearned for a second child this would not be enough to stop you.

I found having a Childminder rather than nursery helped, we then moved on to 50/50 when she was entitled to free nursery.

For yourself you sound run down if you are getting everything they do. My advice (and I have a low immune system) is wash hands and face of self and child when you come home, change out of street clothes to home comfies or jamas. Wash clothes slightly hotter than normal I usually do 20 or 30 so did 40 for outside clothes whilst at nursery and school. Make sure to take supplements to boost immunity - so vit c as a minimum but probably a general multi vit for child and maybe something aimed at your immune system for you and or hubby.

When they have coughs and colds treat it immediately, keep them clean washing, tissues, hand washing regularly and also do it yourself.

As others say it gets better but maybe for child 2 go the childminder route

I feel your pain. DD is 20 months and last winter, from October to March, we had hand foot and mouth, E-Coli sick bug, endless coughs and colds, two or three bouts of high fever viral things, Adenovirus plus DD being under the weather for a month or so post-MMR.

This winter I thought might be better but from 1st September we've had two colds, an ear infection, a virus with fever, two sick bugs plus some other virus causing an upset stomach. Both DH and I work full time and have no family around to help out, so the stress is unbelievable.

Also, DD is at a childminder and it's made sod all difference to the germs she's picked up.

I'm just hoping that her immune system gets super-strong and we avoid further illness. I've also paid for DD to be vaccinated against chickenpox as I can't bear the thought of having to take more time off work (plus it can be nasty).

So no advice but can completely understand where you're coming from.

People who don’t have full-on FT jobs in which being off for a day means having a backlog for a week won’t get what you’re saying. Particularly as you have no family support around. I’m in exactly the same situation so I really feel your pain. And I came to the same conclusion as you. Btw, with childminder there will be extra time off for their hols, sickness etc. so not sure it’s a good option. Hugs OP.

My 1st dc was ill loads. 2nd was never ill. I was amazed as I expected the same frequent calls from nursery, and time off work as before. But hardly a day of illness in all his time at nursery. Obviously, you can't guarantee this but could happen!

tbh op youve been lucky.
Dd1 had 4x burst ear drums in 6m at 3.
A uti.
Nasty hand foot and mouth. And lots of sickness bugs.
Dd2 - sickness bugs. From 4yo-7 at least every 6m abd once 3x in a few months. But generally healthier than dd1, until last 6m where she had ear infetion (with burst drum) then a uti.

I think i had ptsd re the ear infections. As the gps were useless and dd1 got a heart murmur as the ibfection was so bad. Like 4 weeks with uncontrollable temp.

I think though ive only got d&v once from them. But i do get every single cold and flu.

We were somewhat less ill during covid years. However dd2 still managed to get sick so probably teeth/migraines etc.

Also mine argue horribly and we generally have to keep them apart. Every car journey a bightmare. Im enjoying now dd1 has moved to secondary.

This was us for about 18 months and it was horrendous.

Like everyone else has said - they stop getting so sick. Just wait it out.

Could you try to find a childminder for the next one? My two almost never got/get ill there despite them meeting up with other childminders. We do have to cover occasional childminder illness but this isn't often. My youngest did a short time in nursery and was off will illness more than she was there! It's hard with no family to help but we've found our childminders to be very flexible and helped our family function. When my oldest started pre-school at 3.5 she didn't get ill much - her immune system must have been more developed by then.

@AnySoln I was only describing bugs THIS winter so far. DS had Hand Foot and Mouth in the summer. Also a bacterial infection Strep A scare requiring emergency trip to our of hours GP last winter.

We had multiple D&V bugs last winter, I caught most of them. As well as a few random fever things that kept him off.

It does get better. We have a 4 year gap and DC2 hardly got ill (and has attended nursery since 10 months old). I suspect he got more immunity from his sibling being in contact with school germs. He's also a different child and doesn't have so many extreme reactions to illnesses as dc1 did. My immunity is also better because presumably I've caught everything going by now!

Same. Then I get it.

I think some nurseries are better than others at stopping children attending when they are sick, which helps overall health, attendance and learning for the group. Some also have good ventilation, some use HEPA filters etc to try to reduce illness. Some illnesses (e.g. covid) play havoc with the immune system so make you more susceptible to other illnesses (one of the reasons for strep a issues last year). It didn't put me off having another, but I know it's hard OP. I wouldn't now though as I can no longer work or do much of anything anymore - school acquired long covid - and yes, without any doubt it was from school.

You sound nice. Maybe don't bring your own issues to this thread? I already clarified what I posted earlier.

By the way, it's "effect", not "affect".

I think it depends on the setting - some nurseries can be far worse than others so it’s not a forgone conclusion

I have two, I would imagine it’s impossible with 1,2,3,4.. and working with the myriad of illnesses.. last year we battled with croup, hand foot and mouth, numerous strains of cough and colds plus sickness. I was exhausted with working 2 and a half days and dh full time. This year I’m working 3/4 days a week shifts with a view to going full time because of the cost of living and I’m absolutely dreading it!!!

If it’s any consolation, DS1 has been in nursery for approaching 3 years and the last couple pf
months have been the worst I can remember for back to back viruses including when he first started. We have had perma-coughs/colds/slightly off tummies for approaching 3 months now. It’s been hell.

Absolutely hear you, I never used to get ill until DD1 started nursery and it was relentless, however i found the 1st winter they started nursery was awful just constant bug after bug, 2nd winter still quite a few bugs but not as bad but after that mine hardly ever get sick now. I wouldn't put off having another solely because of this, it passes so quickly. 2year 8 month gap between my 2 and found it worked quite well as DD1 did her 2 winters then DD2 did hers straight after so we basically had 4 miserable winters and it's over.

Tbh I’ve been lucky, aside from the initial
week they started neither of my two have got particularly sick from nursery or school. Prob helped I lived in soft play the first couple of years of their life.

Just saying some kids are more prone to illness than others, may not always be so bad. But yes having kids puts a lot of pressure on work and time.

Since when is it acceptable to say not to 'Deny' the child a sibling? Shocking.

Ugh, vile.

I’ve got two at nursery, they’re 13 months apart…and I work. Its not easy, but we did change their nursery because at the first they got SO many illnesses, to a point I was worried they had something wrong with their immune system.
We changed them to a much smaller nursery, who have a really thorough cleaning regime, and things have been a tiny bit better.
You make it work when you have to.