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Original poster

I'm a horrid mother........

51 replies

jellybabe83 · 17/12/2004 14:11

My little boy's 9 months old, and I've just shouted at him so much my throat hurts... it's not the first time either. I'm really tense, and quite down in the dumps at the moment, and I feel so horrible as soon as I've done it. I just can't stop myself from getting cross with him when he does things he shouldn't. I know at this age they don't really understand much of the concept of what no means, and that makes me feel even worse. I know I'll probably get some nasty comments back now, but I just needed to speak to someone......
xxx

OP posts:
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blossomgoodwill · 17/12/2004 14:14

No of course you won't get nasty comments none of us are perfect. Are you getting a decent nights sleep as that coud be why you are feeling so stressed!

Caribbeanqueen · 17/12/2004 14:15

Hi jellybabe, I hope you are ok. It sounds as if you have a lot on your plate at the moment. Can you work out what is making you tense and down and try and find a way to do something about it? Do you get any time to yourself? You are right - nine months is too young to understand right and wrong. Perhaps if you can manage to look after yourself a bit and identify what is the problem, you will feel better. Hugs.

nailpolish · 17/12/2004 14:17

jelly dont worry about ds - he will have forgotten about it already and you have no reason to torture yourself with feelings of guilt. hugs to you

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bonniej · 17/12/2004 14:18

there have been quite a few threads like this lately which show you that you are not alone in feeling like this. It is bloody hard work being a parent and nine months can be a tough age to get through. You sound like you need some time out. Is there anyone who can take over for a while so you can get some 'me' time. You will feel so much better afterwards x

walkinginawelshmumwonderland · 17/12/2004 14:19

Jellybabe we can all feel like this at points and you're absolutely right at his age he won't understand at all what no means. You need to think about using some strategies that get you through the difficult bits of being a mum - and the combination of being at home with a little one all day and sleep deprivation mean there can be quite a few difficult bits - especially in the first year.
First things first. As yourself why you're cross, really be honest, what's made you lose your rag.
Then once you've decided you need to take action as to how to deal with it - is it a practical problem? need some help at home? someone to talk to?
Am I making any sense so far?

blueteddy · 17/12/2004 14:40

Jellybabe, I have found myself doing the exact same thing recently, only my ds is 5 & does understand what he is doing!
I have found myself losing control & screaming at him several times this week, over things like not getting dressed when he is asked etc.
I always feel terribly guilty afterwards & apologise to him 4 getting so cross.
I suffered from pnd after the birth of ds2 & although I am a lot better than I was then, I still often feel like I cannot cope (dh is always working) & since these shouting episodes have felt like I am unfit 2 be a mother.
You are certainly not alone in getting all wound up like this. Motherhood is a very stressfull job!
Maybe you could talk to your health visitor?

blueteddy · 17/12/2004 14:43

And btw, I have been shouting so much that my throat is sore after as well!

FairyMum · 17/12/2004 14:45

I think you need to speak to your health visitor as actually I dno't think is normal to shout at a 9month old baby. Horrid indeed!

aloha · 17/12/2004 14:49

Well, I'm going to stand up and say that there were times when I shouted at my baby, who I love more than life itself.
The question is, what's happening here. Are you getting enough sleep? Do you feel under pressure from work/family/etc? What sort of things are contributing to your feelings of unhappiness and what can you do about them? Of course you are right, he is far too young to be 'disciplined' and shouting really, really won't help - but you know that. You just need to get some strategies in place to help you - even if it's as simple as just walking away for a few moments. Can you give us some more details of the kind of situations that are making you so tense?

moondog · 17/12/2004 15:22

Me too-shouted at 5 month old yesterday.

spacedonkey · 17/12/2004 15:23

I was horrible to my daughter today

we all do it sometimes

aloha · 17/12/2004 15:33

The best advice I have to control those deranged, lost-control, end-of-tether moments is, when you feel the very beginnings of it - tense, snappy, losing patience - get out of the house asap. It makes such a difference. Alternatively, if you really can't get out, call a friend or member of your family and chat about something else for a moment. Distract yourself. I didn't always take my own advice, of course, but when I did, it worked.

SPARKLER1clausiscomingtotown · 17/12/2004 15:36

Aw Fairymum! . Yep I'm in with the rest of you guys. Will willingly stand up and admit to lots of shouting and screaming. Time out is definitely a good solution if you are lucky enough to have someone to help out. It's amazing how you feel when you have had just an hour to yourself.

aloha · 17/12/2004 15:38

I obviously mean, get out WITH the baby! Don't leave him at home!

Original poster
jellybabe83 · 17/12/2004 16:02

Thanks Fairymum.... I was starting to feel better reading the replies, and now I feel worse.....
I've actually been suffering from pnd since I had Ben, which I think is one of the main causes. Plus lack of sleep doesn't help I guess. Thanks for the support guys.
x

OP posts:
aloha · 17/12/2004 16:04

What help are you getting with the pnd? Are you getting out with your baby? What seems to trigger anger with you? Look, there aren't any perfect mothers out there, really there aren't. I think I'm a really good mother actually - and my son is three and the happiest boy in the world, but, yes, I did shout at him and still do sometimes.

SPARKLER1clausiscomingtotown · 17/12/2004 16:05

Don't worry jellybabe. You are a pefectly normal mum and I'm sure you are doing a great job. That's the chance you take on coming on MN. We dont always hear what we want to hear. But there are more of us here supporting you than not! You're doing fine.

Original poster
jellybabe83 · 17/12/2004 16:06

I'm a good mum most of the time. Everyone tells me I am. I just get angry easily at the moment. I worry a lot about just about everything.....! Lol. I've given him a big hug now anyway, and I think he forgives me.....
I get out as much as I can, but a lot of the mums I know don't live very close by and I don't drive.
xx

OP posts:
SPARKLER1clausiscomingtotown · 17/12/2004 16:07

That's the precious lovely thing in kids - they are so loving and so forgiving no matter what we do or say. Glad you are feeling a bit better.

SPARKLER1clausiscomingtotown · 17/12/2004 16:10

You wouldn't be normal if you didn't worry. Like someone said before it is bloody hard work and IS the hardest job being a Mum. We all need to let of steam now and then. At least you are in control. Sadly, some people cannot just stop at the shouting at kids and they go further and hit out. Not saying I haven't given my two a smack on the bott occasionally but some people can be very violent

Tommy · 17/12/2004 17:05

I'm afraid I've spent most of the day shouting at DS1 He and DS2 are tired, I'm tried and ill, it's been blowing a gale all day and the car had to go into the garage this morning
Only an hour until bath time......

WigWamBam · 17/12/2004 17:31

I'd suggest that even FairyMum isn't perfect either ... none of us are. I think you should have a chat with your HV or Gp about getting help with the PND.

SantaGoesToTheGym · 17/12/2004 19:35

Hey JB shouldn't worry too much about Fairy Mum, she is also being smug and self centered on the Can she have it all thread. Now, she is either a wind up merchant or some one with no social skills. I could say more but I will leave it at that.

juniperdropofbrandy · 17/12/2004 19:38

how you feeling JB? Any luck on dp front?

don't feel guilty, you are not alone as you can see. At least you're being honest which can only be good for you and ds.

xmashampermunker · 17/12/2004 19:48

Hi JB, no nasty comments from this Munker - just lots of hugs. FairyMum obviously isn't perfect - if she was she'd not have made that unsympathetic post.

I have found that I feel more end-of-tethery if I've either spent lots of time at home or lots of time going all over the place - I had a day just at home yesterday because I'd been out and about so much to compensate for spending too much time at home iyswim (not sure I follow this!). It was actually lovely to have DS have two naps at home, but had he not slept, I'd have probably flung everything on the buggy and stomped up the road like usual. Going out is the best thing to do if you're feeling out of control as you get some fresh air and exercise, your DS is likely to sleep better from the air and you can't shout at him in public

If it helps, imagine there's someone else there when you feel like shouting. Or leave DS somewhere safe and go and scream into a pillow.

Big big hugs hun xxx