what do you think if 10 years old girl and 8 years old boy get the bus and go home after school?

[kamanmama]

Hi All, my children are 10 years old and 8 years old. Every day I finish my part time work at 12:30, and wait their school to finish until 3:15. My girl is year 6 now, so she can off school by herself and pick up her brother in year 4 as well. everyday I just wait them in bus stop at 3:30. I wait outside 3 hours everyday after finish my part time job. if I back home and come back to their school, it take 1hour and half. That’s why I wait outside. Recently, I see many year 6 students, they take the bus by themselves. I just think can I do the same? I will give my girl a mobile, ask her to call me when they nearly get off the bus, and will pick them up at the bus stop at my home town. Is it sounds alright? Is do so, do I need to prepare anything for them? Like zip oyster card? Or they can just get in the bus by themselves?

Sounds fine to me.
You need to find out locally how paying for the bus works.

I would not feel comfortable with this at all

Depends on the bus timings doesn't it. They don't run constantly.

Fine, if you trust them both to be sensible and they know what to do if something goes wrong (like bus being late, or cancelled or a stranger asking them questions about where they're going etc.)

I know it was the norm in the 80s and 90s when most of of us were growing up, but it is a very different world now and we are all so much more aware of the risks.

We didn't have mobile phones back then and trackers

How is it a different world, there were still all types of crimes happening in the 1970s and 1980s so what do you think is so different now? Of course parents were aware of risks back then.

Our school wasn't wild about younger children going home with a sibling (and would usually advise against it)

But as they were happy with DC from year 4 upwards going on the "home alone" register, obviously they'd have no issues with DC older than that going home in sibling pairs or neighbourhood clumps or whatever.

The main question is whether you think your DC are ready for the responsibility (which we can't answer for you).

Another consideration is that nights are drawing in. You might want to think about waiting until after that, as I think it feels different in the dark (in a well-lit city and with reflective kit on the DC it's not likely to be more dangerous)

My school doesn't allow 8 year olds to be picked up by anyone under 16 so that would be a problem here

I think if I'm understanding correctly

1. it's one bus
2. they catch it from a bus stop very close to the school
3. the bus service is reasonably frequent (that is they won't be waiting more a really long time an hour if they miss one)
4. you're proposing to meet them at the bus stop they're getting off at

I'd have been ok with my kids doing this. The problem you might run into is the schools policy / rules.

The school is very unlikely to accept that the year 6 pupil is the person picking up the year 4 pupil, although they may well allow the year 4 pupil to leave without an adult there to pick him up if you sign / put it in writing. It just depends on their rules.

If you feel your children are sensible enough then the first thing I would do is talk to their school. If the school say no then you have your answer.

Would your dc feel safe without you? Doing the journey with you is completely different, they may not feel happy to do it without you.

If your eldest is in yr 6 would your younger dc be capable of doing this alone from Sept? Or would you need to go back to picking them up at that time?

Is there any possibility of you changing your job to one with slightly longer hours so you are not wasting so much time each day? Obviously this is dependant on what job you do and the area the school is in for opportunities to do this.

If you need to keep everything the same then sitting in a bus stop is not going to work in winter, and is a huge waste of your time. Is your dc school the sort to encourage volunteers? If so would you enjoy going in to help? Are there any courses you would like in local colleges or libraries which would fit the times at least one day? Or any online courses you could do if there is a local library/ warm space with free Wi-Fi.

It sounds miserable for you as it is so I hope you can find a way of making it better.

No the year 6 can't be responsible for the year 4 at that age. I can't imagine the school thinking that's ok

We used to catch the bus (at those sort of ages or a bit younger), usually there were other children as well taking the same route. In the mornings we were walked to the bus stop maybe 100 yds away when we were little. It was about a mile and a half to the school and if we got stuck we walked all the way home (didn't happen often). It was fairly rural, which is either good or bad, quiet roads maybe too quiet in retrospect. Both our parents worked full time so there was really no choice.

I think 8 and 10 are far too young to be catching buses on their own. Maybe when youngest is 11 and oldest 13.

It really depends on your area, there have been 3 or 4 confirmed potential abductions in our area within 6 months and I'd not want to put that kind of responsibility on a 10 year old looking after a younger sibling. If they argue and the youngest decides to walk off ahead/alone, would be my concern.

However, you know them. Are they sensible, do they know what to do in emergencies? Or is there another parent who can watch them get on the bus every day perhaps?

10s too young to take on responsibility for an 8 year old in this situation IMO. Our school would not permit this.

If it was a case of her looking after him sat at home for an hour it would be different.

In your situation i'd let the school know my situation and offer my time there, and if they couldn't help i'd just get the bus home and come back for the kids.

Once the boy is 10 and the girl is 12 i'd be happier to do it and the school would be too i imagine.

They will be fine, plenty of children do this. Tell the school it will be happening.

Can you take on some voluntary work in the school so at least you are warm and dry? Reading with children, something like that?

Like others have said it’s entirely dependent on your area. Do you know any other of the other mums who get the bus with their children you could just ask to keep an eye on them for you?

I think it depends on:

1. what type of kids you have - are they well behaved kids who listen to instructions?
2. what area you live in. In the area of London I am in, they would likely be fine as there is little to no muggings/violent crime. However there are other areas where they would be more vulnerable.

I’d also ensure you have them on find my friends or life360 so that you can trace them. I’d also probably sneakily follow them from a distance in the car for the first couple of days to try and gage how they act when alone and also so that you’re nearby if they balls the journey up initially.

I think it all depends on the relationship your children have. My older sister was very very protective of me (albeit a bit ineffectual) at that age so we were fine traveling alone at that age and with other parents walking the same route and waiting at the bus stop, it should be ok, especially if someone they know is doing the same trip and boarding the same bus. Call me over protective but as a single mum, part of the reason I gave him a phone was to be able to check where he was in FindMyIPhone if he didn’t make it home. I trusted him fully not to do something stupid but I didn’t trust the people he may had at some points around him. These days, I think I would have insisted on him carrying an iTag as the phone was running off battery all the time.

There was a year, when he was younger, that I had to wait for him for 3 hours. I got a library card at the nearest library to him and used to read in there. This time May seem as a hassle but it may work to your advantage, there are a lot of courses that you can do to improve your career prospects that are free and you can do online at the library at a time that suits you and those 3 hours you are waiting are actually an opportunity for you.

I completed an English Language qualification this way, and also a couple more that allowed me to apply and get better jobs so the opportunity is there. Look at the National Careers Service website or make an appointment with one of their advisors (you can book at their website).

We did this sort of thing without turning a hair in the sixties. More recently I used to see a pair of kids, presumably siblings, about that age and age gap get the train from Milton Keynes to Watford every day. No trouble to themselves or other passengers; they got on with schoolwork, read or played with screens.

As long as you're happy there's no serious risk or that the if there is it's improbable and/or can be managed go for it.

If they can both behave it shouldn't be a problem.

my kids are the same age. This would be fine for the year 6 child but I think making him responsible for the year 4 child makes it much harder. School may well say no to this.

Here are the issues, apart from the safety of the children, which I think we can trust the OP to judge. Let's assume they are sensible kids who will stick together and obey basic road safety rules.

1. The school might not want to release the 8 year old into the 10 year old's care. I feel this is not their decision to make if it is the same sensible 10yo every day, but schools can be sticky. You may have to be assertive!
2. problems on the journey - these are 99% sorted by a mobile phone
3. what will happen next September, when the older child goes to a different school? Perhaps this is too far ahead to think about - the OP might be in a totally different job by then.

And some other considerations

1. yes the kids might argue, but I'm sure it will be drummed into them that they must stay together, London a dangerous place etc
2. are they really the only schoolkids on that bus? I'm not trying to exploit another parent, but I am suggesting that they should talk to other kids from their school on the bus, which in itself will bring a measure of safety. If, as another poster has suggested, they miss a bus, they won't be waiting alone. There will be other kids there as well.
3. is the older child bright enough to be taught how to use Google Maps on the phone? (All phones nowadays are smartphones, right?) If it's London, there will be alternative routes if something major goes wrong, or a way to meet mum halfway.
4. If the worst happens and it's impossible to deal with an uncooperative school/school feels the younger kid is a nightmare who shouldn't be trusted to his sibling, are there other solutions? OP would be better off in a coffee shop for the cost of one coffee, the nearest library is a brilliant idea, or waiting in the school if she can help with anything useful (I think she would have to help, or the school would be swamped with parents) than standing outside the school for 3 hours.

OP lives in London, peak services are 4-7pm, so the children are not travelling in peak times either. If the bus timing is more variable than than 10 min OP allowed within 20-30 min, then the childrens' potential journey time is also higher. What I said specifically is that it doesn't make sense that OP doubles the expected journey time for herself compared with the children. Her journey there and back is 40-60 min, not 90 min, or the children are being asked to do a 45 min journey alone rather than a 20-30 min journey alone.

I don't have kids this age yet so I don't want to advise either way, but if you did go ahead and do this, could you facetime them while they're travelling?

I would see if another parent with children at the school who takes the same bus route could accompany your children on the bus.