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Parenting

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Original poster

Is a pantyliner too cruel for ds 8?

57 replies

XMissPlacedX · 10/10/2023 19:27

Me and dh have 4 children, 3 teen girls and one ds who is nearly 8. For years he has had trouble wiping his bum properly and his pants are either always smelling of urine or dirty (poop), or both.

We have tried all sorts, rewards for clean pants, punishments for dirty pants, talking to him etc.. no joy.

One of the girls suffers from water infections (I used to too), and I hate the thought of washing clothes with his pants, I feel like our clothes won't be clean with them all swishing about with urine and poop stained pants.

Would it be cruel/ mad to make him wear a pantyliner? It seems like it could be the answer but dh doesn't like the idea.

I'm genuinely trying to find an answer for this, I'm at the end of my tether.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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AprilMayBeJune · 10/10/2023 19:31

Yes that would absolutely be cruel and humiliating.
Have you tried the moist toilet wipes, making sure to instruct him to put them in the bin not the toilet though?
If the laundry is an issue, get a bucket and fling the soiled pants in a bucket that has water and napisan or Milton in or something to sterilise them before putting in the machine.

tweetypi · 10/10/2023 19:32

Couldn't you just wash his pants separately? Agree it's a bit gross to wash poo covered pants with normal clothes, they need to go through at 60. I imagine he's not doing it on purpose though!

thinkfast · 10/10/2023 19:33

Have you spent time teaching him how to wipe his bum?

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Whattodo112222 · 10/10/2023 19:34

It would be cruel..I don't think he's doing it on purpose. Moist toilet wipes sound a good idea. Can he take them to school in his bag?

ManchesterGirl2 · 10/10/2023 19:34

No it would be really embarrassing for him. And also I don't think they're good for your skin, they can irritate it, it's healthier just to have cotton underwear.

JustAMinutePleass · 10/10/2023 19:35

He needs to be taught how to wipe his bum. Spend a weekend 1-2-1 teaching him (get the girls out for the day).

TomatoSandwiches · 10/10/2023 19:35

Yes it would be cruel.
It's not actually normal for one of your girls to have constant water infections, there is possibly an underlying reason and if one child has urological issues then it's not that much of a stretch to consider their sibling ( your boy ) yo as well.
Take him to the gp and request a referral to the continence team in your area.

Ollifer · 10/10/2023 19:36

Nah I wouldn't do that it is cruel and he'd be made fun of. You can wash them separately or put some of that Dettol disinfectant wash in, or get him to use water wipes or something.

beachdays27 · 10/10/2023 19:36

As someone who uses reusable nappies for the babies... you need to get all poo off of pants before putting them in the washing machine, then put them on a short rinse cycle without the other clothes, and then do a long wash with lots of water (if washing with others' clothes I would do this at 60).

beetr00 · 10/10/2023 19:36

is it wee dribble and skid marks? wouldn't phase me at all to just wash his pants.

No pantyliner though 🙂

Sirzy · 10/10/2023 19:36

Work with him on cleaning himself or help him until he masters it.

but why would properly washed clothes be an issue?

DrPsy · 10/10/2023 19:37

Are you sure it’s definitely him not wiping properly and not a continence issue?

Original poster

XMissPlacedX · 10/10/2023 19:38

Fair enough, I've just had enough that's all. Yeah we have sat and explained that he needs to keep wiping until the tissue is clean time and time again, also tried the moisture wipes. He is just in such a hurry to get back to playing that he just doesn't spend the time doing it, in a rush to pull them up and 'get on with life' . We didn't have this issue with the 3 girls.

I like the idea of soaking them in a bucket of Milton first and will try that.

Thanks everyone

OP posts:

OhcantthInkofaname · 10/10/2023 19:40

Why don't you make him soak them?

timbitstimbytes · 10/10/2023 19:41

Agree with DrPsy, it could be chronic constipation as well, if he has a blockage in the bowel, the stool doesn't form properly and can bypass the blockage, look up encopresis and seepage. They usually need stool softeners for a considerable period of time to fix it, I would avoid telling him off until you've ruled out something medical.

jumpfh · 10/10/2023 19:44

I would start with the GP for both your children who have urinary tract infection and poo issues.

titchy · 10/10/2023 19:46

You'll have to supervise him then if he's in rush. He's only 7, it's not that unusual to still need to check he's wiping properly.!

Original poster

XMissPlacedX · 10/10/2023 19:46

It's definitely him being lazy, if he could get away with it he wouldn't wipe at all. Not just skid marks, full on 'can't be bothered to wipe' marks.

We have seen the gp re: Dd (who suffers from water infections). We were advised to change to non scented toilet roll, use non-bio washing powder and she now showers instead of baths and they are getting a lot less frequent.

Yeah I know IABU regarding the pantyliners, I won't make him wear them.

OP posts:

StopProcrastinatingGerald · 10/10/2023 19:47

I agree with others that it could be constipation. This is by far the most likely reason that a neurotypical child of this age would have repeatedly soiled themselves.

Original poster

XMissPlacedX · 10/10/2023 19:48

I will start to supervise when he has one here. He usually waits until he is in school or gets up at 6am for one when we are still asleep.

OP posts:

Redlorry1234 · 10/10/2023 19:48

He hasn't got constipation, has he? My son leaves marks/soils his pants when he's blocked up and it resolves once it's been treated.

Pixiedust1234 · 10/10/2023 19:48

Have you tried sending him back to do an extra wipe every single time? That way he actually misses more of the fun stuff because he's having to repeat the process. Keep doing it every time, no exceptions includingon day trips, do not take his word for it, until his pants are regularly clean.

Inconvenience him for inconveniencing you. (And yes to a soak bucket and he puts them in, not you).

jumpfh · 10/10/2023 19:50

Please go and see the gp and rule out constipation.

And water infection? What do you mean by that? What did the GP say it was?

Boomboom22 · 10/10/2023 19:51

But skid marks must mean more than just not wiping, poos should be mostly clean breaks really not need lots and lots of wiping. Do you need to look at his diet?

Boomboom22 · 10/10/2023 19:51

I'm assuming water infection means uti?

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