Kids behaviour in coffee shops

[Amd1985]

Just wanting to see what peoples views are regarding children’s behaviour in coffee shops.

I took my well behaved 3 year old for some lunch a couple of weeks ago. There was only one table free and a boisterous 2 year old was running across the seats and was very noisy. I asked the parent (who was chatting to 2 friends) if the table was free and she replied yes. I sat down with my daughter and the little boy remained at the table with us even though there was a seat at his mothers table. The mother said to me that he was fine with us as he was only playing and I was not using all of the seats. I was gobsmacked, I would never sit my child with a stranger, I told the parent that I would like my daughter to sit opposite me to which she replied ‘ok he can sit next to her then’ they eventually left and gave me a stare on their way out.

2 weeks later I was in the cafe again and the same women came in and sat on a table near me. They stared, laughed and talked about me so that I could hear, saying how rude I was! I got up and told them that I could hear what they were saying and that it was rude to leave a child on someone else’s table, they said how rude I was and got quite argumentative and starting accusing me of telling them to remove their child which I never did. They said he is only 2 and was only playing. He may have only been playing but i am not sure if it is appropriate to have him playing at someone else's table.

Am i being unreasonable here to want a quiet coffee with my daughter and not with someone else’s child?

It is not anti-kid to want to have a coffee without being pestered by other people’s children.

YANBU

That’s an extremely lazy crap parent!

YANBU!!!! My SIL allowed her well behaved 5 year old to go table to table in a restaurant before saying hello to everyone and I was mortified!! Generally speaking, people aren't out to mix and mingle and deal with other people's children. Regardless of what he was doing, he should've been with his parent not off at another table.

@Skodacool the mum in the original post is clearly very unreasonable. Shouldn’t just let her kid sit with a stranger.
However, I was referring to another poster who said coffee shops should be 14+. That’s a ludicrous suggestion imho. My son is not a crier for example and we just sit there with him on my lap. Why shouldn’t I get to enjoy a coffee.
It’s a different matter if you can’t look after your children and they go wild in public places but I also think children make some level of noise and that’s just life.

Because I thought it might look rude and the Mother seemed to think it was ok for him to be there.

This was your fatal mistake - never just put up with this shit. Request in a steely voice (standing up) that they move their child back to their table, ignore any protestations, and just keep repeating that they need to move their child until you become more of a problem than actually looking after their child is to the lazy cowbag.

some people are omg

So do I.

https://www.facebook.com/MickFlanaganFans/videos/510989755934290/?mibextid=zDhOQc

Yes exactly! This is normal, reasonable behaviour that most of us would do and expect.

But there really are some twatty parents who just expect complete strangers to look after their kids. It's laziness.

YANBU. I have a 2 year old and when we go to a cafe he stays with me or we leave - it’s part of teaching him how to behave. Yes he loves to climb etc but I wouldn’t dream of letting him sit with some other random people! She was being lazy.

Its not parenting even!

I realise Pizza Express is aimed at families but I remember being in one with my own kids and watched some kids were on heelys literally skating around the tables while their parents ignored them. Yet if they had bumped into someone's hot coffee and scalded themselves, the parents would probably sue the restaurant!

I agree that there are some incredibly lazy parents about but I would not want to suggest that they were just in the UK!
That said, it is extremely worrying that this woman wasnt bothered who her little boy was sitting with! Really extremely concerning!

As the mother of a 'naughty' 2 year old (with a 'well-behaved' older child, so I know it's not my parenting)- please skip the smug judgement labels if you want people to take the rest of your post seriously.

😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

I find people over 55yr slow at the till, they hog tables by taking too long to finish, and often talk too loud because of a lack of self awareness and poor hearing.

Make all coffee shops under 55s only.

(Dons protective cape of sarcasm…)

Agreed!
I wrote a whole spiel but deleted cos tipsy and too touchy for this subject!

Don't be ignorant, OP

How bizarre! Why didn't you refuse to pay? Or aske the staff to remove her when she first started becoming a problem.

YANBU As pp said lazy parenting. He could have fell and hurt himself.

It's a shame you have had this experience, and I don't deny what you have experienced does happen, but not all little kids are like this. You of course notice the noisy ones, it's impossible not to, but I find the majority are well behaved.

The trouble with keeping small kids away from cafes and restaurants though, is you are then keeping their carers away too, usually their mums. Women on mat leave or staying at home to look after little ones can often find themselves rather lonely, and banishing them to just go and eat junk food in McD's would be further pushing them out of normal society. It can be a real life line to get out of the house and meet up with a friend in a nice surrounding and have someone else make you a hot drink and a bite to eat.

Also a kid can't just rock up in a cafe or restaurant at 14 having never visited one before and be expected how to behave there. Decent parents will teach their kids how to behave in a cafe, pub or restaurant from a young age. I have a 2 year old and he doesn't shriek and run around. If he is getting bored or fed up we entertain him, read, colour or go outside for a bit of a look round until food arrives. We absolutely wouldn't let him impose on someone on another table or use the furniture like playground apparatus.

my daughter is 3 so has obviously been through this stage (very recently) so I feel I am very tolerant of young children in public places and I am certainly not ignorant. The child may have been behaving as his age but it’s not right that he was playing on the chairs at my table… what two year old plays while sitting still and quietly….very few, so a bit unfair to impose this on a stranger just wanting a quiet lunch especially when there was a spare seat at their own table.

She didn’t actually impose anything on you. The kid was already there. No one forced you to sit down. And don’t come back with “it was the only free table”…. Because it wasn’t free was it? It was actively being used by someone. I’m a bit baffled that this woman didn’t call her son back to her table, but for whatever reason she clearly initially thought that you didn’t mind him there.

YANBU- definite lazy parenting at its finest. I don’t know how these parents don’t feel embarrassed letting their kids roam around. I had a similar issue when I went for coffee play date with a friend and our kids. Whilst queuing to pay her 4 year old decided to run off- stick his mouth up to the glass counter of cakes and hover next to the till. There was a poor man trying to pay with a child under his feet who would not move. I was shocked at my friend who seemed happy to leave her boy doing this. I didn’t say anything as didn’t feel it was my place to but it’s put me off meeting up for a play date again.

sounds fair, as long as I can have child free, dog friendly, I will be happy..<dons hard hat> 😂😂

Poor parenting and lazy. She’s unreasonable.

however was the 2 year old really “naughty”….I doubt it.

some people struggle to have children and want them dearly, try for years and love them with all their hearts... those parents cherish their children

Some could concieve with a sneeze near a fkboi on a drunken night out.

They sound awful OP

A few years ago I was in a coffee shop with a friend and we were sitting at the table next to the door. There was a small child about the same age as you describe who kept running past us and opening the door and trying to run outside. The road immediately outside the coffee shop was a very busy road in central London (in fact it was a main dual carriageway feeding into the M11 a few miles further down the road.

After stopping the child running into the road 2 or 3 times we mentioned to the mum that this was a very dangerous situation and that we didn’t feel comfortable being on the frontline to stop him doing it. To be given a mouthful and told it wasn’t our responsibility and to let him run out if that’s what he wanted to do 😱

Parenting young children is undoubtedly tiring and stressful but it is astonishing that some parents will drop the reins in unsafe circumstances - rather than for example meeting their friends in a home setting where letting the child run wild is almost certainly a lot less risky.