Kids behaviour in coffee shops

[Amd1985]

Just wanting to see what peoples views are regarding children’s behaviour in coffee shops.

I took my well behaved 3 year old for some lunch a couple of weeks ago. There was only one table free and a boisterous 2 year old was running across the seats and was very noisy. I asked the parent (who was chatting to 2 friends) if the table was free and she replied yes. I sat down with my daughter and the little boy remained at the table with us even though there was a seat at his mothers table. The mother said to me that he was fine with us as he was only playing and I was not using all of the seats. I was gobsmacked, I would never sit my child with a stranger, I told the parent that I would like my daughter to sit opposite me to which she replied ‘ok he can sit next to her then’ they eventually left and gave me a stare on their way out.

2 weeks later I was in the cafe again and the same women came in and sat on a table near me. They stared, laughed and talked about me so that I could hear, saying how rude I was! I got up and told them that I could hear what they were saying and that it was rude to leave a child on someone else’s table, they said how rude I was and got quite argumentative and starting accusing me of telling them to remove their child which I never did. They said he is only 2 and was only playing. He may have only been playing but i am not sure if it is appropriate to have him playing at someone else's table.

Am i being unreasonable here to want a quiet coffee with my daughter and not with someone else’s child?

I was in a local coffee shop the other week where 2 small kids were wrestling on a bench, & a few minutes later saw one of them walking out of the front door. I had to get his brother to point their mum out to me so she could dash after him.

Seconding that you just tell the child to go back to mummy.

If they don't, unfortunately you probably just have to find somewhere else. Sadly some over-permissive parents ruin things for everyone.

I don't at all agree that coffee shops should only be for over 14s. My 7yo would be beautifully well behaved in one, so there's abaoltelt no reson why she shouldn't go. However, my 2 year olds I usually only take to coffee shops that have an outdoor area

Absolutely agree with teacher voice, loud enough for their parents to hear!

What was he actually doing? Was he still running / climbing up and down when you say down? Or did he then sit the table with you?

I wouldn't really mind if a 2yo joined me and my 3yo at a cafe, if I could see their parents and the kid was broadly just sitting with us. My 3yo would chat to them, he loves chatting to other kids.

YANBU that the mum shouldn't have assumed you would be fine with that, or let her child run about unchecked. Y also nbu to be put out that they spoke so rudely about you.

But I also think lots of people are quick to judge kids or parents in public rather than give them the benefit of the doubt, as these kinds of threads show

YANBU. Some lazy parents about.

YANBU

The 2 year old at my table wouldn’t have bothered me but the attitude of the mum is awful and unreasonable.
I wouldn’t stop going to somewhere I liked because of a few bitches.
If you see her again have something ready to say to her if she starts or gives you dirty looks.
My children weren’t allowed to go to coffee shops/cafes etc unless they were behaving. My youngest went through a phase of sitting under tables so I banned him until he stopped. He had to stay home with dad or I only went when he was at nursery.
He was taken places from being a couple of days old and knows how to behave but all children go through phases.

What on earth are you taking about. Why would I want to take my toddler to somewhere like MacDonalds and pump them full of garbage food? Babies and toddlers have as much right as anyone to be in a cafe. The crucial point is that parents need to actually parent them when they're at the cafe.

Lazy, rude and entitled parenting. She's a goon.

@Amd1985 I think you are right to not want to have another child on
your table without the parent. I’ve had the same scenario so many times when parents completely ignore their children because they are chatting and then their children obviously try and latch onto someone else for some attention. I don’t mind, but I do think you should be caring and giving your own child attention so that they don’t have to go looking for it. Parents like this don’t really care what their children are doing as long as they are not actually having to parent them. Get off your phones, stop chatting and actually talk and engage with your child and they might stop bothering other people in public places.

I sat there and said nothing but I think they could tell I was not happy from my body language as I was just sat there looking at the naughty child in disbelief.

What was the child actually doing that was naughty? Being noisy? What does “running across the seats” translate to… I can’t quite imagine he was doing some cafe-parkour…? How many spare seats could have been at this table by the time you and your daughter sat down?

You might have been rude though for all we know…. It doesn’t matter if your request was reasonable, if you asked it in a rude way, then you’re still rude. You’re just rude and reasonable.

It’s not that unusual to end up sharing a table with someone in a crowded pub or cafe.

Yes it probably was normal behaviour for a 2 year old but completely unacceptable to inflict it on a stranger just wanting to have lunch in a cafe. To me it was unacceptable behaviour wether it was the parents fault or the child’s fault.

YANBU.

This is the kind of thing that makes me want to have child-friendly and child-free sections of cafes/restaurants tbh.
(Obvs not all children at cafes/restaurants are like this. And obvs it's the parents' problem, not the kids' who probably just want some attention.)

not the kids' who probably just want some attention

I’ve got a boisterous kid, and he’s just as boisterous whether he has had my full attention for hours on end. He’s not climbing on stuff because he’s starved of love and affection. Never made a habit of taking him to busy coffee shops, mind you.

It's not the little boy's fault, he probably thought the company of your little daughter way more interesting than that of his mother and her friends. Can't blame him. But the mother was very rude to not take her child back with her. I go to coffeeshops and restaurants all the time with my young grandchildren. I tell them to stay with me and to not run around (very difficult for the staff!). If and when they show interest in chatting with other children I always ask the (grand)parents if they agree ánd the moment food is served (our table or the other people's table) I call my children back and have them sit with me!

Obviously I wouldn’t due to allergies etc but I’d be tempted to order the most sugary thing there for the child and when mum started moaning be like “Oh I thought you wanted me to feed him as he was allowed to sit here”

YANBU that would have annoyed me and the Mum sounds very rude! I have witnessed lots of kids climbing on the café furniture and running round people carrying hot drinks but never had a child join my table!

From a very early age my dc learned to understand that they could not bother people. I frequently explained to them- look at the couple over there. They are paying £50 ( if dinner ,£20 if lunch) and may also have got a babysitter. The last thing they want when they are paying lots of money is to be bothered by someone else's kids. My dc learned from a very early age they didn't live in a bubble and if they wanted to eat out those were the rules and it would stop if they were annoying. I wish more people taught their dc this.

This is hilarious. Of course you’re not being unreasonable. Did she pay you for the time you spent childminding? Would she have been happy for you to discipline her child? What a joker.

God yes. And let others deal with their child but get mad if the bad behavior is brought up. And also just because you are a mom there with a child how does she know you aren't some pedo or druggy. People like this don't care as long as they don't have to deal with their own kid. I'd definitely complain to staff next time

I don't get it. 2 yr olds are adorable, why wouldn't you want one joining you? I agree about uk being anti kid. I used to be too.

It's a bit weird it came to an argument tbh, no one acting very mature here. If you didn't want the kid with you then just say so. The other mums shouldn't have been rude either. Bizarre behaviour all round.

Omg! That is shocking!

No you are normal and the lady is bonkers. Some people are entitled idiots.

YANBU - you should have told them you were on day release from a nearby prison to see your daughter and then seen if they wanted to keep their son with you. Stupid prats

Honestly, some people will do anything to not have to look after their own kids or engage with them when out and about these days!

The cheek of them talking about you the second time!!!

Rude fuckers!