How do you afford to be a SAHM?

[rhaenyra01]

As it says in the subject- I’m curious about how some people afford to be SAHMs? Does it depend on your partner’s income? Or do you just have to really cut down on spending?

No judgement, I am just interested - about to go back to work after maternity leave and really wishing I could stay at home with my DD but unfortunately it’s not financially viable for DH and I.

We had a few quid saved ready for me being a SAHM, but my DH has received a few really good promotions during that stage so we have just carried on as normal really. We still have 1 or 2 holidays a year, just had our extension done, we both have cars we are happy with, I go out with the girls whenever I want (although I prefer a snuggle on the sofa now ).

I think it's such a personal thing, in that each persons circumstance is different, so being a SAHM could be attained for a lot of different reasons. Some might be a high earning DH, some might have saved for it, some might not have a lot of expenses anyway, some might make more financial sense to stay at home etc etc.

I thinks it harder now than it was, I've always been a SAHM to 4 children but I think if we were just starting a family now I wouldn't have been able to and also don't think we would have been able to afford to have 4 children

I shall don hard hat and say - benefits.

DS complications meant I have up work
DHs average salary plus disability top up for DS means we get tax credits. Twins in next pregnancy means we get tax credits for all three kids.

We have one cheap holiday in Wales a year, I have some debt on my credit card, it won't he forever.

I would say all the SAHPs where my kids go to school are getting UC top ups at least.

Has your DH’s salary gone up substantially since you had children OR were you earning very little?

because I’m trying to work out 2 people increasing to 5 people on one less salary means you’re not having to cut back on “anything”

Sorry that was to @User2123

Husband is a high earner. I am/was a low earner so my wages would barely cover 1 nursery place, never mind 2. We haven’t been abroad for several years, not since before we got married actually, don’t have nights out, but do spend money on things we enjoy like nice days out & meals at weekends, toddler activities & classes during the week.
I don’t currently pay into a pension but do pay into an ISA for myself, further planning is needed there at some point!

I have been a SAHM for 10 years by choice. My DH is a high earner and financially we are comfortable. We dont spend a lot on luxuries though because we would like to save and invest for the future.

To me the most important thing apart from affordability is how you two feel about it? This needs to be a mutual decision that you both feel happy with.

For us, I knew that I would have DHs full support whether I chose to be a SAHP or go back to work. Of course in our case, me being a SAHM has made our life a lot easier, but he certainly doesnt see his career superior than mine even though he earns so much more than I would. He also appreciates what I do for the family and does as much as possible when he is not working. We also have 100% trust and 100% finacial transparency.

I have seen a lot of posts where one partner loses the earning ablilty to become a SAHP, the other becomes resentful because the SAHP doesnt contribute financially. Or the SAHP becomes resentful because their partner expects them to do everything. Saddly, it wont work if one party feels unfair.

You had to give up work because there were complications regarding your disabled son.

you aren’t a sahm, are you not a carer?

I've been a sahm for 12 years. We were managing quite comfortably up until recently when the cost of everything went up. My husband is a fairly decent salary but 2/3 of it goes on rent and bills.

No holidays abroad, very simple lifestyle.

I am looking for a job now that fits around the kids but they seem to be as rare as hens teeth!

I went back to work after maternity leave with our first but was already pregnant with our 2nd. My wages didn’t cover 2 in nursery so I left and became a SAHM. This was before the cost of living crisis and DH earned a good wage. We then moved overseas with my husbands job, so were essentially mortgage free for a number of years (we rented out both our properties in the UK). When we moved back our children were school age and I started working part time. We had a big deposit for a bigger house as our outgoings were much less overseas and we’d saved a lot. We’re lucky that we never had to cut back on things because I was a SAHM. I’m not sure we could do it now.

I am currently a SAHM again after years of working, I had another baby. We would be worse off financially if I worked, as my job would not cover anywhere near the high cost of childcare in our area.

We sat down with a financial advisor before we married and worked out what sort of mortgage we could afford on one salary. I've been a SAHM since my children were born, they are now adults. We have a small house and we don't go on foreign holidays and money has at points been tight.

But, and it's a big but. We were tremendously lucky to buy a house when interests were low, to have a tracker when rates were low and to have an inheritance which let us pay off the balance just before the rates started to rise.

I don't know how anyone does it now.

My salary was about the same as I'd have been paying in nursery fees, had I gone back to work. So for at least three years it didn't really make much financial difference.

My husband earns a good salary and we had children older so our mortgage was small.

We have cut down massively on the amount of holidays we go on due to money (didn't go abroad at all this year, whereas we'd go multiple times before kids). Neither of us are big spenders though.

I buy 90% of stuff for my DC and I secondhand (but would anyway for environmental reasons).

He earns twice what I used to, so our combined salary is cut by 1/3 by me not working. His salary hasn't increased significantly, only inline with inflation. Our income has always exceeded our outgoings as we never spent much in the first place - cheap house, small mortgage now paid off, always shopped around where possible to keep bills to a minimum, second hand car bought with cash so no monthly finance to pay, walk/cycle unless we really need to use car, I've always bought clothing and homewares etc. second hand on Facebook/Vinted, always bought supermarket own brand foods as it's what I was brought up on anyway. We still have multiple holidays a year, we used to do long haul backpacking before DC but now spend the same amount on a week in Europe. So whilst our outgoings have gone up (mainly food for DC and a bit more on bills), they're still well below what DH brings home each month hence no need to change our spending habits.

I was a sahm when dcs were little. We afforded it because I was made redundant and then got an inheritance. Also dh earns enough to live on. We are quite careful with spending too but we just aren't very spendy people. We don't have any debt or anything like that, except mortgage and student loans.

charity shop, gumtree, vintage or hand me down clothes and household items.

Reliable second hand car, lots of cycling and walking

cheap weekly activities (I was one of many mums on a tight budget so we did lots cheaply together)

camping in U.K

selling items on Facebook after use (cot, bikes)

growing veg in my greenhouse. Cheap healthy meals

no pets

Strict budget for birthdays and Xmas, no adult gifts

financially we are in a stronger situation now but we lived economically for about 6 years when the kids were small

I will take a punt @User2123 you’re not in the South east?

No childcare costs saves loads

high earning husband

The "how" is simply that my husband earns enough that I can stay at home. We can pay our mortgage, bills and additional extras to the amount we want. We don't really have to sacrifice much day to day, but I keep an eye on our account and do have to rein it in sometimes.

It does prevent us from moving to a bigger house (although that kind of house in our area wouldn't be comfortably affordable even with me working). And whereas before kids/being a SAHM we were saving a large amount each month, now we are spending from our savings when we have larger expenses (decorating, annual insurances, holidays etc). But those are sacrifices we're willing to make for now.

As someone who didn't stay in there career post baby I do regret that. So try and stay in touch if you do become a stay at home parent as you might regret that. Mine was doing other work for family so not a sahp

We could do it. DC4 on the way. We're both teachers and child care costs will be more than my salary.

Really it depends on your fixed costs and your priorities. We have a low mortgage - before a had children a worked really hard to pay the mortgage down (not been on holiday abroad in 12 years etc). We have a relatively small house for the size of our family, but that's the choice a made. It works well enough for us, but for example DH and I have a much smaller room than I think most working adults have. The twins have the big room as it can physically for 2 beds and still have room for chest of drawers etc.

We also have generally quite low spending habits. DH doesnt have a mobile phone, mine is a very old model and contract is £6 per month. We don't generally eat out of have takeaways. I dont go to a hairdresser (always did it myself) etc and wear clothes until they wear out. DC all wear hand-me-downs, New clothes are only as presents. Likewise for toys. Most of their books were mine as a child (my DMum keeps everything). No subscriptions aside from TV lisence.

We don't find any of these things a hardship. Some people would.

You can do it..
I was only 26 when I became part time at work when I had my first baby. My husband was only a graduate 2 years. Very early days in our family life.
Write a budget, include everything.
Begin with your absolute essential bills, including loan repayments. Look at what you are spending on childcare, how much will that alone save you by staying at home. Ring revenue, ask how much your husband will gain when you transfer all your tax credits to him.
Look at grant and tax credit that's available to you as a stay at home parent.
Finally, look at maybe childminding another child in your home or renting a room out from your home, there's always another way. Good luck

When we did it, I took care of a small child in my home, and DH worked 8-10 hours overtime. We were also careful with unnecessary spending.

When the kids were all in regular school, I cobbled together a bunch of part time jobs that gave me the flexibility to always be there when my kids weren’t in school.

I would have preferred a nice part time job doing what I had done pre children, but I’m in the US and I couldn’t find such a position. It was all or nothing (10 days of paid time off per year). It was not mother friendly at all to work here.

My job before kids paid less than I would have spent on childcare, so I stayed at home until the children were in school. We lived pretty frugally, and had fairly low housing costs.