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Parenting

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Original poster

How do you afford to be a SAHM?

113 replies

rhaenyra01 · 04/10/2023 08:22

As it says in the subject- I’m curious about how some people afford to be SAHMs? Does it depend on your partner’s income? Or do you just have to really cut down on spending?

No judgement, I am just interested - about to go back to work after maternity leave and really wishing I could stay at home with my DD but unfortunately it’s not financially viable for DH and I.

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PerspiringElizabeth · 04/10/2023 08:26

I guess if I worked we’d spend more, but haven’t consciously cut back (but then I didn’t have a job to return to as made redundant during first pregnancy). I assume households with 2 incomes earn more than DH but we’re coping fine (3 kids, 3 bed semi, in v expensive county, for context. IE there are some VERY wealthy people in our area but we don’t compare ourselves to that, which is also a big factor I’d guess).

Thingamebobwotsit · 04/10/2023 08:26

I did it for a brief while. The key factors for me were the cost of our mortgage vs income. And cost of basic expenditure and bills. Anything else we made do and mend. Secondhand toys, lots of free activities, buddying up with others mums so a play date didn't involve going out to spend money.

We actually survived pretty well. Working is expensive.

But we were lucky enough that our mortgage to income ratio happened to be low enough to allow us to do this. We have since moved house and I am not sure if we could do it again.

gotomomo · 04/10/2023 08:35

Bit of both. Obviously you need to be able to pay rent/mortgage, bills and food, but you don't have childcare costs, only had one car fully paid for (old), we shared one payg mobile that cost £20, no subscriptions, no pay tv, cheapest internet, didn't pay for child activities as we utilised free playgroups, parents bought zoo membership as a gift each year. This was over 20 years ago, today we would ditch the landline and gave mobiles I'm guessing but it is doable as long as you prioritise being with the kids over material goods

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Goodgrief83 · 04/10/2023 08:35

Simple

very high earning husband (now ex)

2chocolateoranges · 04/10/2023 08:37

We budgeted our house and outgoings all on dh’s wages as we knew we wanted to try for a baby after we got married

I did go back to work but only brought home under £400 a month.

TheChosenTwo · 04/10/2023 08:37

I was a SAHM for about 12 years. We had fewer less adventurous holidays and only had one car. No childcare costs. Dh earned well and we could still have holidays to Europe so didn’t feel deprived!

mylittleprince · 04/10/2023 08:37

I think it's much more difficult now. I was a sahm whilst our dc were at primary school, I don't think we could afford to do it now. The cost of living is horrendous and dh's wages haven't increased by a comparable amount. Even with us both working we just don't have the disposable cash that we once did.

Growlybear83 · 04/10/2023 08:38

When I stayed at home we made huge adjustments to the way we lived. We only had two fairly modest holidays in six years, rarely went out for meals, didn't buy new clothes apart from our daughter,

Needmorelego · 04/10/2023 08:40

Going without things basically.
No car.
No holidays except staying with family.
Wearing clothes until they fall apart (me 😂)
Just living within our means really...

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/10/2023 08:40

one wage covers everything- compromises- not everyone has compromises they can make to do this, some people don’t want to make compromises.

McIntire · 04/10/2023 08:41

I suspect it was easier for us as a few years ago now, but we never extended ourselves financially or got into debt (apart from a perfectly manageable mortgage)

I couldn’t have afforded to go back to work and DH couldn’t have had the career he had if I did.

ArtisticFay · 04/10/2023 08:41

there Are quite a few SAHMs near us. I had just assumed that it was because their partners were high earning. But actually it was because their jobs hadn’t been high paying so it was cheaper for them to stay at home rather than pay for childcare and return to work

Growlybear83 · 04/10/2023 08:41

Oops posted too soon. We cut back on the type of food we ate and just generally spent much less. Our mortgage at the time was around 50% of my husband's income and we moved when I was six months pregnant into a semi derelict house which took us several years to renovate. It was a struggle but we both agreed that it woukd be the best start for our daughter and looking back, it was worth it.

anareen · 04/10/2023 08:44

Both play a factor assuming partner doesn't make a ridiculous amount of money for the family size. You decide how you want your family to live really.

PuttingDownRoots · 04/10/2023 08:45

When mine were small it was simple maths... childcare plus travel to work cost more than my potential income as a teacher. DHs salary was too high for any help. (And before anyone says pension, career progression etc... we would have been paying for me to work!!)

Now due to tax free childcare, more free hours etc it would be financially beneficial for a couple on my position to work.

TeenDivided · 04/10/2023 08:46

We could afford it mainly as before I became a SAHM DH and I had worked for 50 years between us in well paid graduate jobs, and hadn't spent anywhere near our income.

kamboozled · 04/10/2023 08:47

I live in a country where a wife who stays at home is listed as 'dependent' on the husband, and the company that employs him pays her national insurance (pension, health) for her. It probably works both ways, but usually the man is the higher earner.

Apart from that, things like haircut, I have about once a year etc.

Dogon · 04/10/2023 08:48

I'm not a SAHM but I was going to be (changed my mind when I was on maternity leave😅). For us, no high income from DH (he earns average) but we have no mortgage, so low outgoings.

Mum2aTeen · 04/10/2023 08:51

We just live within our means. We've never had the opportunity to be frivolous, so we don't know what we are missing out on.
I'm a stay at home mum to my disabled child. Yes, he is in school, but he has a lot of time off/appointments, etc.
My partners job definitely isn't high paying, but as I said, we've never known what a lot of money is, and we only have 1 child my son went to preschool but that was 10 years ago and it was like $20 a day and he goes to public primary and high school so not paying out for private school primary school is free here we pay a bit for high school but that's for elective subjects and sport.
Other than that, we have some assistance from the government (yes, I know taking the taxpayers' money and I'm such a bludger 🙄😬), but we just do what we do.
We are lucky we have universal healthcare and therapy, and there is quite a lot of free places and events around.

Raverquaver · 04/10/2023 09:00

I saved up about 12k over a couple of years in the lead up to maternity with DC1 so that I could take the time off after my mat leave. Then covid hit which meant I didn't spend any of it so was able to roll that over for a second DC until they were 2. However cost of living making it impossible third time round! Will probably have to go back in some part time capacity after 6 months this time! One thing that did help as a band aid along the way was taking up bits and pieces of paid part time/short term work just to keep the coffers topped up as I panic when I have no money. And obviously taking advantage of free childcare from 3 years old. We don't have any real luxuries. DH pays all bills with the rule that if I want anything for myself or the kids I pay for it, which we both find to be pretty fair and equitable as he never spends anything on himself. My DH earns less than a lot of people we know who seem to struggle on 2 incomes as he is exceptionally disciplined with money. Has a spreadsheet showing every pound that leaves his account each month, we wouldn't be able to do it without this discipline.

AnnieKayTee · 04/10/2023 09:01

Childcare costs would be more than what I earnt pre children. I used to work in day nurseries.
I'd end up paying someone more to look after my own children then what I'd be paid looking after other people's!

We do make cutbacks though. No subscriptions/contract phones.
One car bought outright so no lease. Bulk shop and cook to bring food cost down. Love a hand me down and a actively buy second hand rather than new.

crostini · 04/10/2023 09:02

If you weren't working before or didn't earn much, then you don't miss it. And also wouldn't make financial sense to work.
I never bought in much money ore kids and husbands average wage is easy enough to live us, with even enough for holidays and treats. We don't really spend much though, but we never really did before either. It's good to know that we can manage without two wages because any thing I do in the future is a bonus and I have pace and time to figure out what I'd like to do work wise, rather than being pushed into whatever I can find out of necessity

feralunderclass · 04/10/2023 09:11

I wasn't a SAHM out of choice, and income wise we were below the poverty line, but we made do and the dc had a good time. One car (never spent more than £2k buying a car), all clothes/toys from carboot sales or cheap charity shops, did lots of yellow sticker shopping in the evenings. Days out were in parks with a packed lunch or free attractions where we'd meet friends. This was easy for me as I'm very low maintenance and didn't care about having latest anything or buying things for the house.
It seems like things have totally changed now though, the SAHMs I know meet up in coffee shops or paid attractions and that is very expensive. They don't seem to meet in each others houses, which is what we did 15 years ago. And I know very few people now who drive an old car, even families on benefits have a new one on lease, which is a fortune.

Abfab63 · 04/10/2023 09:23

Few factors;

Nursery's fees would entirely cancel out what I could earn (I have two dcs that would need to be in nursery).

DP earns well so can cover the outgoings with his salary.

Lancasterel · 04/10/2023 09:28

I did it for 7 years, a bit easier as it was just before the cost of living crisis, and lots of my friends were also SAHMs… husbands all work in well-paying jobs and none of us had any childcare fees. Surely this question is entirely dependent on family income vs. outgoings - it either stretches far enough or doesn’t!
Now my husband has taken a bit of a pay cut, children are a bit older (KS2) and things cost a lot more 😬 so I work part time.

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