How do you afford to be a SAHM?

[rhaenyra01]

As it says in the subject- I’m curious about how some people afford to be SAHMs? Does it depend on your partner’s income? Or do you just have to really cut down on spending?

No judgement, I am just interested - about to go back to work after maternity leave and really wishing I could stay at home with my DD but unfortunately it’s not financially viable for DH and I.

When the DC were small, we couldn't afford it, and I worked both part and full time then.

I was made redundant with a good pay out when youngest was in primary school, and I decided to take some time out then, with vague idea of resuming once they were at secondary and I no longer was tied to the school run.

But I never went back. Being that bit more senior meant the severance package lasted longer, and with the passage of time DH's had been promoted and we found we could balance the books. So I just never applied for paid work (though I have had roles in the voluntary sector, and liked the flexibility)

I found most people I knew (school etc) did it the other way round, and were struggling with the needs of primary school timings just as they were trying to resume career after a complete break. That seemed to be the harder way round, especially as having lost that early trajectory, it's so hard to get it back.

Redundancy was awful - really kick in the teeth rejection after over 2 decades, but without it, I don't think we would ever have changed to having a SAHP, it just wasn't on the horizon.

The only people I know who are SAHMs are one whose husband is extremely wealthy (family business) and two who were in very low-paid jobs before they had children, so their income wasn't missed much and childcare would have cost more than their income.

We couldn't possibly have afforded for me to be a SAHM - we're both professionals with decent, similar salaries, and had lived together for many years before having a child so all our costs were based on two salaries.

I'm a SAHM. DH earns above average but not six figures. We have just never been big spenders so even on single income and three DC we're saving plenty each month without having to cut back on anything we had before having children.

DH earns enough to pay all of the bills, I could go to work if wanted to but it would have more of a negative impact (less time for hobbies, no flexibility for summer holidays, sick kids, less home cooking etc) than the reward of extra money would bring us.

I’m a sahm but because Im disabled and have disabled dc so the /pip/dla/extra UC covers us. It’s not a choice I’d have made but it is what it is

I had an inheritance big enough to pay for a house, so we have no mortgage payments.

I think the price of houses/renting is now so high you almost need 2 incomes - one to pay for housing and one to pay for all the other stuff. By owning the house we're basically not having to find £1300 in rent per month - which was roughly my salary before i quit work.

Dh is on about £60k which is enough to cover everything else. I don't think that me going back to work would significantly change our standard of living - we're not massive spenders but we feel financially comfortable.

DH was earning 6 figures, and going out networking 3 - 4 evenings a week. Basically, I felt on my own with the children from Monday morning until Saturday morning. I worked after we had DS, but then we had twins - childminders could only have one baby under 18 months, and there were no nurseries I knew of. Anyway, I was too exhausted, being woken up for bf or both teething at the same time. I could barely write my own name or count out money; and couldn’t drive after 12 noon, never mind work for the first 18 months.

One was diagnosed with SEN rising three, then there were too many meetings, appointments, therapy to deliver and paperwork!

I would say it’s possible when u have a small mortgage and not stretched yourself to the absolute limit ! Which I think the majority of homebuyers have been doing hence not being able to afford the mortgage rate rises .
when we bought our house in the 90s it was drummed into me by my dad do not buy anything if u have nothing spare for emergencies, rate rises, ect !
we took his advise and I was able to be a sahp for 7 years because the cost of childcare would have been my earnings I’d rather be with the kids !
And yes we didn’t have fancy cars when the kids were small or fancy holidays but we have a happy family. And now we have paid the mortgage off we can have a nice car and nice holidays best to scrimp and go without and enjoy your kids while u can . Buy the cheaper house no one actually cares x

I was a high earner but it was the amount of children and DH’s job that made it unviable

We have a just turned 2yo and a 7mo, and childcare would be far more than I could earn locally, and to get a higher paying job it would involve a lengthy commute that would either require a 2nd car or a bus then train - the costs of either making it unlikely to do more than break even. So we just struggle and do without until the funded hours kick in and we can afford to send both. It is what it is.

We planned it before we had children. We based affordability of our house on DH's salary and saved up beforehand. The savings are a rainy day fund as opposed to being used for everyday expenses.

In my case my wages have never been needed to run the household. I use my income to pay for some extra curriculars for the children and otherwise it goes into savings. So I was able to take a break for 10 years and then start working again.

I became a SAHM as it was cheaper than working, At the time it was a very difficult decision for me as I felt like I was giving up my financial independence but by the time I factored in childcare, fuel, unpaid leave if kids were unwell and clothes for work it was cheaper and ultimately a lot less stressful for everyone involved for me to be at home.
As I am the one dealing with pretty much everything apart from bringing in the money it allowed my DH to pursue a promotion that he definitely would not of gotten due to being away every couple of weeks for up to a week at a time if he had more responsibility at home.
He is now a very high earner. For us it has been worth it however I would say it’s not for everyone unless you have a good support network of friends and are able to do your own thing from time to time even if it’s just hitting the gym a couple times a week.
A bit of advice I would give if you do decide to stay at home and you can find the money is to pay into your own pension. Our original plan was for me to be a SAHM for a couple of years and so far I haven’t worked for coming on 8 years.
Good luck with whatever decision you make. 😊

We live up north and Dh has a well paid job.

My partner earns a decent amount, not huge at all but enough to keep us all fed and housed and warm, if I went to work we'd be paying more in the end to put my children in childcare along with whatever petrol costs to get to and from work!
We also live in a low rent home due to my mum passing it down to us after she moved on which is an amazing help.

The only holiday we do is a week for free in his mum and dads static, we don't go out, we don't have any luxury items at all. We do prioritise the kids having things to do and places to go (eg pumpkin picking, zoo, aquarium etc) and that's all we need right now!

We probably can't afford to have a one income household by a lot of people's standards but it works for us and we can reevaluate once the children are older.

I had twins and my salary wouldn't cover nursery for two at once.

We were tight on money for a while.

Currently mostly a sahm as only work a few hours a week:
Bought a house, sold it to buy a doer upper, sold that to buy another doer upper with enough left to pay off the mortgage.

Still own a flat (also mortgage free) from single days which gives us rent each month. (This makes me very unpopular on MN)

Am a shareholder in a limited company that I used to work for and get a dividend each year.

We have old bangers for cars and live within our means. We buy everything outright and if we don’t have the money we don’t buy it.

Previously (big gap between children) I was a sahm because it was costing us more for me to go to work, I wasn’t in a job with career progression anyway and it was a constant stress of juggling pick ups and drop offs and who had to have a day off when one of the kids was sick, the kids couldn’t do any clubs or have friends round after school and there was never time for anything. All for us to be losing money each month. Fought hard against that one for a while because I wanted to work but am pleased I decided not to for that period.

I was a sahm for 8 years. We got into severe financial debt and basically cut everything to the bone- no days out, no hobbies for kids, no new anything, food budgeting- the lot! My wage was only paying childcare and I had to add on money for travel plus two of the kids had constant chest/ear infections so I’m pretty sure my boss was hoped leave anyway. They were tough years financially but amazing and so easy compared to having my kids in crèche first thing, me breaking speed limits to get to work on time, kids being last out of crèche- not to mention the sigh I got when I rang in sick … I think most people could do it financially but my one regret is with the kids and hobbies, they only started swimming lessons for example when I went back to work

Ps the single most annoying phrase in life when I was a sahm was ‘oh we’d love to do that but we can’t afford it’ 😅

The main thing for us was reduced outgoings - when we got married I sold my house and paid off his mortgage. Also I was an older mum when we had our first, which helped financially (36).

Husband had an ok paid job generally tied to more rural areas making consistent wrap around childcare pretty well non existent, plus very few local jobs meaning commute time ate into potential work time too much to be viable. On call evenings and weekends got in the way of non childcare dependent roles plus anything requiring 'full flexibility'.

Much better off now DC are in a school with breakfast club, increase in WFH reducing commute time to 1 or 2 days a week.

I think most people could do it financially rubbish.

I think most women have little choice on either direction, it’s neither a blessing to work or not to work, it’s a blessing to have choice. It’s as ignorant as people saying “oh we scrimp and save to afford private school”- good for you but I could scrimp all I like, I cannot afford private school.

Partner with good salary and we saved money when I wasn’t working.

High earning husband. No way would I do it if I had to change our lifestyle. I'm been a sahm for 14 years with no plans to go back.

We could live on DH salary only but it would be very tight, and also I'm too nervous to be fully reliant on one person's income. I've chosen to work part time, use childcare, and use that income for having some treats, holidays etc. Part time work seems the ideal compromise to me!