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Original poster

Only get given dinner in hospital if you breastfeed?!

113 replies

Babybabyy · 03/10/2023 22:11

I’m currently in hospital with my one month old due to a respiratory issue and we’re having to stay in for a few days. The staff on the ward have been lovely, can’t do enough for us and I have a (sort of) bed in her room. They made me breakfast this morning and my husband brought me in lunch. At dinner a nurse brought me a menu and held it out to me before double checking I definitely was breastfeeding. I said yes, mainly expressing now, and she said that was good because you only get offered the dinner menu if you’re breastfeeding.

As much as I can understand the concept of feeding mums who obviously need to eat well in order to produce milk, why are mums who are formula feeding (for whatever reason) not worthy of their dinner? I was surprised they could actually even say that, especially when some people will have struggled with breastfeeding 🤔 Just a bit taken aback by it! Is this standard practice in hospitals if you’re in with your baby?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SteggySawUs · 04/10/2023 00:02

I ate ate soooo many vegetables when ds was in hospital and I was bf because in the words of the lovely person serving the food on children's ward "no one else is going it eat them"
Made me happy and sad at the same time!!!

Nepmarthiturn · 04/10/2023 00:09

Mind you, the slop they served to me after giving birth that they claimed was food was so vile that I couldn't eat it anyway. Surely feeding patients nutritious and enticing food is a basic requirement if you do want them to recover?

EggTheParrot · 04/10/2023 00:18

Nepmarthiturn · 03/10/2023 23:57

You can order a takeaway meal to be delivered to hospitals.

Really? How shocking that our levels of care are so bad that this is even a thing that has had to happen!

And will they be willing and allowed to bring this takeaway onto the ward and to the specific room where the parent is caring for their baby alone, because there isn't a nurse or doctor in sight? Or is the parent expected to leave the sick baby unattended to go and collect the takeaway from the reception desk?

I really despair of the state of the UK. It's beyond a joke.

Unfortunately the ward budget is only to be spent on patients not parents. I get it, it's awful but the ward pays for every single meal in that it comes out of the ward budget which is also used to pay for ward stock like cannulas, syringes,
bandages, blood bottles, everything that's used on patients is paid for by the ward.

Including the cakes and the sandwiches for day case patients who have day surgery and then go home. It's horrible but that's the way NHS ward work.

I am a dr but
Each ward is given a budget each month and they're told if they went over budget or not, and then they have to escalate that to staff to tell them not to waste money on disposables or parent meals. .

Years ago when I was a nurse (left nursing to do a medical degree, now a consultant so this is decades ago) I got a formal written warning for ordering a patient meal for a patient who was dying because I knew her parents were not leaving her side so they could eat the meals I ordered for the patient. I was given a formal warning because the ward 'only feeds patients and she's dying so doesn't need a meal'

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Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/10/2023 00:34

MissHoollie · 03/10/2023 23:07

Standard .
I spent 8 months in hospital with my son . No food provided.
I used to make a mad dash when they were asleep to the shop to stick up
I survived on flapjacks, bananas and crisps

That's awful

Goodluckanddontfuckitup · 04/10/2023 00:36

When I was in with baby DS there was a 7 month pregnant mum staying with her DD who wasn't even fed. It was impossible for her to leave her DD and this was the tail end of COVID so strictly one parent per child. Even getting snacks was hard. I was fed because I breastfed so we used to share my meals. I thought it was unbelievably cruel. It's horrific staying in with your seriously ill child. Talk about kicking people when they're down. It's a hideous policy that we should be ashamed of.

Snugglemonkey · 04/10/2023 00:38

I had stays several times with my son, twice involving surgery. I was never offered anything. I was breastfeeding.

Fab973 · 04/10/2023 00:46

i was in hospital recently with my 8 week old. Infection lumbar puncture - the works. I was EBF but was disgusted at the policy re food. My DH had covid as did my baby and I so noone could have come to the ward to bring us food if I wasn’t breastfeeding I could!’t have left the ward without massively risking other patients’ health.

also with the lucy letby case being so prominent in the news I would rather not have eaten for the 3 days than leave my baby alone

Sugarfree23 · 04/10/2023 00:50

@EggTheParrot that's really awful cold hearted attitude. Sorry you go a formal warning but I bet the family were grateful.

I can see the logic in generally not feeding parents you aren't the patient and many will tag team.

I mean where should they draw the line? The mum of a 2 yo, 6yo, 10 yo, easier just to say no. And they probably offer the same portion to a 1yo as they do 12yo so they'll be leftovers from what a small child eats.

Slicedwhite · 04/10/2023 00:51

I had my kid over 20 years ago. I had an emergency section and breastfed so it took a day or so for my supply to come in. If it wasn't for one lovely midwife bringing me food from what was left in the communal room where they left the trolley whilst I was still catheterised, I'd have eaten nothing. Visitors brought food but I needed it more frequently than visiting hours.

SirenSays · 04/10/2023 01:01

There's nowhere to get food after 9pm in my local hospital. They removed all the junk vending machines and didn't replace them with anything.

SD1978 · 04/10/2023 01:10

When you BF- you are the food source. So you need to be fed to produce the milk. As a parent who is using formula, your nutrition will have no effect on the babies. It's a bit of a shit policy, and there is always complaints and issues about it, but if you're not providing the nutrition, then the hospital usually won't provide yours.

Whatonearthdidicomeinherefor · 04/10/2023 03:06

I've had several hospital stays with my children (the first time being with my premature baby (born at 30 weeks & I was expressing as he couldn't feed from me) & never expected to be fed. As previously said, the child is the patient.

Crzy · 04/10/2023 05:32

I assume the hospitals assumption would be you’d leave baby as if you were a parent having to leave them in nicu ect and pop out to grab yourself something but there’s nowhere near enough staff to accommodate for this and it’s especially harsh in hospitals with no shops, cafes or vending machines, our closest one only has a singular chocolate bar vending machine and it’s the whole way in a&e waiting room. I agree it’s rather mean to give you the menu then ask as if they’d take it off you and deny you after offering if the answer is no!

I do get why tho as having commonly been a patient where there isn’t enough meals for us and staff have to go and knock on other wards to ask to steal a spare sandwich from them for us but I do think when it comes to under 6 months atleast they should have a blanket policy of feeding the parent if only one parent due in today as you can hardly pop out and leave baby unattended 99% of times and if expecting no one it seems only fair especially considering how hard that age + hospital and lack of sleep is on the body and mind.

Toddlerteaplease · 04/10/2023 06:47

Because the mum is the babies sole source of nutrition. Whereas a formula fed babies parent is not. Our rules keep
Changing so I'm not sure of the current policy. But we do give out vouchers for the canteen to everyone.

Caspianberg · 04/10/2023 06:48

Where I live both parents are fed. Dh wasn’t allowed in when Ds was born due to covid regulations at the time, but before or after then both mothers and fathers are fed in maternity wards and children’s wards.

Ds has spent several overnights in hospital with allergy reactions. They have made sure all meals entering room are allergy free and we have the option of both staying with him.

Ds is 3 now, there’s no way he could be left alone on as he would just run off if he woke and one of us weren’t there.

Isthisexpected · 04/10/2023 06:54

A blanket rule not to feed disadvantages breast fed babies you must be able to grasp that? It's not about how a parent feels. It's about how each patient is being fed and their well-being. A blanket rule to feed every parent would cost money we don't have.

webuiltthiscityonrockandwheat · 04/10/2023 06:58

My 5 year old was in 2 weeks and they fed me breakfast every morning but nothing else. There was a parents room with a fridge and microwave so I got DH to bring microwave meals in. I also got take away a delivered some days but it got pretty expensive!

Original poster

Babybabyy · 04/10/2023 06:58

@Caspianberg i have a toddler too and have actually said as awful as it is having a baby in hospital, she doesn’t move whereas he’d constantly try and take the stuff off and get up. No idea how you’d be meant to eat if you had a toddler in here. I just think it should either be a blanket rule for everyone, which means so many people would struggle to eat, or for one parent they should offer them food rather than it being anything to do with the type of milk baby is drinking

OP posts:

Amidlifecrisis · 04/10/2023 07:08

The NHS has hardly any money as it is. This is not some kind off sneaky way to encourage people to bf, it just reflects a biological reality.

Saying that the NHS should provide food for parents of patients is a different and separate question (and would be great if they did but I understand the financial constraints).

But when they provide food to bf mums they are not feeding the parent, they are actually feeding the baby.

FloweryName · 04/10/2023 07:09

Sodthebloodypicnic · 03/10/2023 22:17

Yeah, logically it makes sense to be feeding the person who is feeding the child but it is cruel. I particularly feel for those parents who cannot breastfeed for medical reasons as it must feel very discriminatory and raw

Cruel? You think the NHS should be giving food to people who aren’t patients and are basically visitors just to protect some peoples feelings over breastfeeding?

That would be a ridiculous thing to waste NHS resources on.

PuttingDownRoots · 04/10/2023 07:12

When I was last visiting in hospital there was a ready meal vending machine... some commercial some made by the canteen... in the canteen, with a microwave. It was there so visitors could get a hot meal at all hours.

Sounds like the children's ward could benefit from something like that.

Redlarge · 04/10/2023 07:13

PuttingDownRoots · 04/10/2023 07:12

Sounds like the children's ward could benefit from something like that.

That's amazing

Topsyturvy33 · 04/10/2023 07:16

I didn’t get fed when I was in with DS. I mostly ate vending machine food.

Redlarge · 04/10/2023 07:17

321user123 · 03/10/2023 23:23

WHAT???
you had major abdominal surgery and they were refusing to give you food????

disgusting!

Its shocking

Redlarge · 04/10/2023 07:22

Sophies charity sounds amazing.
Should we ask mumsnet to set up a topic for if mums are in a similar position they could shout out to mums in local area. I would be happy to take food in and bottles of water for a mum struggling. Its such an upsetting time and you need to be strong for your child.
Bag of fruit, energy bars etc. Its easily done.

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