Only get given dinner in hospital if you breastfeed?!

[Babybabyy]

I’m currently in hospital with my one month old due to a respiratory issue and we’re having to stay in for a few days. The staff on the ward have been lovely, can’t do enough for us and I have a (sort of) bed in her room. They made me breakfast this morning and my husband brought me in lunch. At dinner a nurse brought me a menu and held it out to me before double checking I definitely was breastfeeding. I said yes, mainly expressing now, and she said that was good because you only get offered the dinner menu if you’re breastfeeding.

As much as I can understand the concept of feeding mums who obviously need to eat well in order to produce milk, why are mums who are formula feeding (for whatever reason) not worthy of their dinner? I was surprised they could actually even say that, especially when some people will have struggled with breastfeeding 🤔 Just a bit taken aback by it! Is this standard practice in hospitals if you’re in with your baby?

Seems fair

Yup. A big problem is not being able to leave your baby/toddler as well. We were in for a few days when mine was 2.5, and you obviously can't leave a 2.5 year old on their own in a high hospital bed with access to all the machinery etc. But how do you go to the loo?

So you end up not drinking, so that you don't need the loo. I did ask if someone could watch him for two minutes and they said I should just leave the door open 🤯

WHAT???
you had major abdominal surgery and they were refusing to give you food????

disgusting!

The cold technical logic is that unless she is breastfeeding the mother doesn’t need to be there because the baby will be looked after by nursing staff.

I was a beneficiary of this policy, my first baby had 4 operations before they stopped b/f at 2. A nurse proudly produced a plate of outsized over boiled veg and puddles of something and told me I was eligible and waited happily for me to tuck in.

In an emergency: a lifeline.

Otherwise: be careful what you wish for.

I think it is s concession to b/f mothers rather than judgement against bottle feeding parents.

But doesn’t allow for the emotional need for mums to stay next to babies.

When Dd was in parents could buy leftover meals from the hospital trolleys. It was 10 years ago so I can’t remember the prices but it was “sandwich from a supermarket” sort of price not “meal out”. That seemed a clever idea to me. Parents got to eat, hospital made some money and food wasn’t wasted.

I’m so sorry you experienced that. You shouldn’t have been treated that way at what was already an incredibly difficult time.

Unfortunately, so many times, zero attention is paid to the emotional or psychological well-being of the parents, despite the reams of research demonstrating a clear link between how people are treated in medical situations and the likelihood of developing anxiety, depression or PTSD.

I guess that when a mum is breastfeeding she can’t leave the baby with another family member to nip home get food get changed etc. I know most mums wouldn’t want to do that but you do technically have that option.
A breastfeeding mum isn’t going to have that option she needs to be there in order for the baby to get nutrition.
Also it makes sense to make sure the mum is fed as she will have nutrients to pass onto the baby.

What's fair about not being able to leave your disabled child and the ward not allowing the parents room to be used and only allowing 1 parent in the ward at a time and not providing safe supervision for the patient so you can clean yourself or buy some food?

As long as parents are required to care for their kids 24/7 on the ward they obviously wed feeding

Well, quite. I would have thought this was staggeringly obvious to anybody who bothered to engage brain for 2 seconds, but 🤷‍♀️

Thank you for that lovely response. It really did knock me and I’m not usually like that. I cried about it several times afterwards and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why but I’ll be honest it left a mark.

Thank you for the empathy x

Er ok so yes that should include well adults who happen to be breastfeeding

You're lucky you're getting breakfast. I have vivid memories of being left starving when I was in hospital with DS when he was 2.

Is it an English thing? I've always been fed while in with my kids for various things ect even going so far to meet my dietary requirements

Certainly not the case in my hospital now. A whole week on a camp bed when my baby was 5 weeks old. One of their concerns was his feeding so the infant feeding specialists came to show me some breastfeeding positions. I asked her whether it was best to try the reclined position on the campbed with 1 skinny pillow or the dining style chair where the armrests prevented me from getting baby anywhere near my boobs. She didn't have an answer.

This is why the charity called Sophie's legacy is campaigning for change and making that change now. Sophie could not understand why parents were not being given a meal whilst their child was in hospital. She wanted this to change. Sophie sadly Sophie lost her battle with cancer but her mum continues her legacy www.sophieslegacy.co.uk

I’m in Ireland, and I was in hospital with my child a few months ago. They offered all parents in the kids’ ward three meals a day.

I experienced this when I was in hospital in similar circumstances last year (3 week old with respiratory illness!). I was told that they only feed breastfeeding mothers but in reality there was loads of food leftover as lots of poorly kids weren't eating, so I got fed every meal for a week. Food would have been wasted otherwise.

I guess I understand the policy, but it seems really harsh when your baby is so ill you can't easily leave them. Plus I was recovering from a c section.

Ah this is the charity I was referring to in my post. It's absolutely heartbreaking that parents are not better looked after.
Sophie also campaigned for play therapists on children's wards at weekends as well as weekdays. Such an inspiration

What I've concluded from this discussion is that it must be obvious to hospital staff/management that some parents who are in with their children are going to get very little to eat or become chronically dehydrated during their stay.

So I agree with people that it probably is about feeding the baby. If a breastfeeding mother is treated in the way, the likelihood is that there isn't going to be that much nutrition for the baby. Whereas formula feeding mothers can be left dehydrated and starving without significant nutritional consequences for the baby.

Of course this totally ignores the importance and quality of all the other care that mothers are providing for their babies. Besides being a downright depressing way to treat people.

Yep, it's policy and is awful.

Tbh newborn babies are the one age that could be left briefly if needed. I mean its awful and very far from ideal (and not doable if on a drip etc), but a 1-3yo is even worse, and policy is never to feed those parents (the breastfeeding policy is only upto 12m).

I've had it luckier than many. During our fairly long (2m) admission I didnt get fed but there were the Sophie's snack boxes and they were content with me basically eating my daughter's meals once it became evident she would not be eating it (she was mostly reliant on tube feeding but we'd try to encourage her to eat). If it wasn't for my husband's and I doing shifts and our room at MacDonald house it would have been very difficult though. We couldn't leave her at all, save for the occasional trip to the parents room across the corridor (where we'd be recalled if she woke). They'd sometimes tell us to pick something off the snack trolley as well though I'm sure they probably weren't supposed to.

In our local hospital I've never been fed lunch or dinner, but they always make me toast, offer hot drinks and they've snuck me the occasional meal.

I'm not expecting free food, but maybe something could be organised where we can all order canteen food to be brought up.

Takeaways aren't a viable option either if you are by yourself. If you have a toddler in hospital, by the time you go and wait at the entrance and make it back to ward, your toddler is likely to have woken, tried to get it off bed and possibly got themselves into all sorts of difficulty. Its not like getting it from your front door.

When my DD was four months old she was taken to hospital by ambulance with severe breathing difficulties. I was breastfeeding but I was not offered so much as a glass of water let alone food. Nor were any staff around to care for her so I could go and buy a drink or food for myself.

I had no idea about this but I'm not surprised. Ridiculous.

Though when I had DC, the food was shit anyway. Except the toast, most delicious toast ever.

You can order a takeaway meal to be delivered to hospitals.

Really? How shocking that our levels of care are so bad that this is even a thing that has had to happen!

And will they be willing and allowed to bring this takeaway onto the ward and to the specific room where the parent is caring for their baby alone, because there isn't a nurse or doctor in sight? Or is the parent expected to leave the sick baby unattended to go and collect the takeaway from the reception desk?

I really despair of the state of the UK. It's beyond a joke.

There will also be plenty of people that simply can't afford constant takeaways.