Tell me the truth about being a parent!

[WonderingAboutBabies]

Hi everyone,

Myself (28F) and my husband (26M) are going to start trying for a baby in the New Year.

I was wondering if people could tell me a little bit about what it's really like to be a parent?

The reason I ask is because we don't have any nieces or nephews, or any friends with babies (yet!). We would literally be the first in our circles if we were to be successful. We don't have any firsthand stories of people our sort of age having kids - we haven't seen how it works and how it affects people.

We are absolutely set on kids and we've talked about all the relevant things already i.e. finances, parenting styles, writing a will, schooling, religion, etc - but we would just like to know what it's like day to day - especially in the first few years.

Is there anything we need to keep in mind?
Is there something we may not have spoken about yet but should?
Perhaps some tips or words of advice you'd be happy to share with us?

Thank you!

Win that day?

I have grown up children and don't understand that?

@Unexpectedlysinglemum Oh, no, absolutely! And if I hadn't had a stupid COVID baby, I probably would have been the same! I more meant... it's not the end of your fitness journey but that it might change or stop for a while and it'll all figure out OK and there's no point worrying about having a baby because it might mean you can't go to the gym for a bit.

Yesterday was shit, today will be better.

Truth for me is that a wonderful person lives with us. There’s so much love & laughter. We’re so bloody lucky! Our marriage has taken a battering, but that’s more to do with my DH than my DS. I love being so close to my little guy. Everything thing else, I just do what I think is right. I find it comes naturally, I haven’t read any books or follow any plan.

My DS's are almost 6&4.
It's absolutely bloody relentless, hilarious, frustrating, heart filling and never ending every single day. They totally and utterly complete me and I adore them both. Even though some days I could chuck them in the bin!
I wouldn't change it, I don't want to do it "full time" (I work too!) family support I think probably makes it easier (we have none)
If you're gonna work, always think about the sick days that will need covering when they're off from nursery/school/childminder! X

There's no truth, you have to be emotionally mature enough to conceive what it might mean to be a parent and decide if you're up for that.

You will get sick, frequently

Before I had my son, I had friends/aquiantances tell me how easily young kids picked up illnesses, so I had mentally prepared myself for tending to a sick child, but no one really flagged that this means that you, too, will be sick as a dog for most of winter if you have a young child in nursery.

I'll never forget the overwhelming anxiety I had the first night that we took our baby home. The sudden realisation that we were in charge of keeping them alive and healthy, happy and we didn't have a clue how we were supposed to do that!
You've had so many responses here that I agree with - the importance of it being an equal partnership and being patient with each other. I remember being absolutely exhausted with a baby who would not nap during the day unless there was specific music played and my dh had disappeared my phone with the music on it. We laugh about it now but that was not a fun day for me or evening in our house when he came home! Children will test your relationship in ways you could never imagine but it'll also strengthen it.
I remember once reading something that said having a baby/child was like having a little piece of your heart wandering about in the world and you can't always protect it. That is so true. Especially as they get older and you can't protect them from arguments with friends, navigating the world, going out there on their own and doing scary things while you have to watch and cheer them on. It's scary, amazing, stressful and magical all at the same time.

It's an impossible question to answer.
All I can say is it will change you life forever. For me it has been the most important, and fulfilling thing I have done. But it has also caused me the most anxiety, and distress.

@SleepingStandingUp nothing ridiculous here. I think 26 is young (her husband - not her, not that it matters).
Have they both established their careers? Have they both done as a much as they wanted?
I hope they have had the most fulfilling 20's, and my point doesn't apply to them - but your extremes of doing EVERYTHING by 40/45 is off the mark.
Plus I may be leaning into my own career, when working longer hours etc to reap the benefits in my 30's applied. Again, that may not apply to them.
Each to their own and I continue to wish OP well.

its The most magical thing ever

you will meet a brand new you.

whilst you both think you agree on certain things now, I can promise that will change. Once your baby is here, you will change your mind about certain things

no matter how much a man’s life changes after having a baby, it is nothing compared to a woman’s

download the wonder weeks app. This helps explain certain milestones and developmental leaps and what sort of behaviour to expect and why

you will discover a whole other level of love. The cliche is so very true, you won’t understand until you’re a parent yourself, but the love is indescribable and it’s so worth all the tough moments

when you are post partum DO NOT worry about anything other than yourself and your baby. Say no to people and don’t feel bad about it.

The hardest physical and mental load you’ll ever have at times but a love that is indescribable like no other. Never regretted it and I’m not the most maternal.